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being stabbed in the back

Jul 9, 2008
ok..so we have all-stars which then try-out for the travel team,and then go and play travel softball...ok this is my story!..the coach usually picks the 3 allstars/...on my team the coach let us pick the three all-stars...ok so it was suppose to be me,this girl ashley,and this girl mitchie ok so then we have this award ceremony announcing the all-stars and giving away trophies to all the teams...so they call my team and they say that the all stars are ashley,mitchie,and this girl susie...so when i hear their names being called my stomach dropped and i wanted to puik..so after wards when the coach of the travel team tells them about tryouts..my coach calls me over and tells me that i should of gotton the all-star position.. so he goes over to the head coach of the travel team and the travel coach says i can try out..so when im leaving mitchie is the regular coaches daughter so she runs up to me and says one of the board directors changed my name with susie's but im allowed to try out on monday...so monday rolls around and im driving to the field where im suppose to try out and were half way there and my dad gets this phone call..and they say that i cant try out because there is too many girls...so the next day at school i ask susie if she made the team...and she goes yeah...and she was like there was only 13 girls that showed up...and that was as many girls as he was going to take...so i get mad...but i dont show it and susie has no idea that her name and mine got switched... what should i do? be mad at the board? at my coach cause he might of lied to get his daughter in there? tell susie about it?..please help me!

Ken Krause

May 7, 2008
Mundelein, IL
First of all, sorry to hear this happened. If it's any comfort, you're not the only player this has ever happened to. Likely not the only one it's happened to this year either.

One of the sad truths of youth sports is that some people coach teams so their kid can make the All-Star team. Not a lot, hopefully, but there are definitely some. There are a lot of politics in youth sports, and especially in rec leagues that do things like All-Star teams. It's been said to have even happened on the Olympic team a few years ago. So you're not alone.

Does that make you feel better? Probably not. I don't know the specifics so it's hard to comment, but I will presume everything you said is true. The best thing you can do is feel bad about it for a little bit, realize it's their problem not yours, and understand that a year from now whether you made the All Star team this year won't seem like such a big deal. Especially if you have a great season next year.

I wouldn't be mad at the girls involved. They probably had nothing to do with the decision. You can be mad at the coach, or at the board, but that won't buy you much either. You have learned a hard but valuable lesson: life isn't fair. If it was, lettuce would taste like chocolate.

Do your best to get past it and remember that the most important recognition you can get is a sense that you did your best and gave all you had every time you stepped out on the field. If you do that, everyone (including you) will know where you stand as a player. What a few manipulative people think won't seem so important.


Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
Dallas, Texas
This is advice from a Dad who had three daughters that all lettered in different sports at high school, and two went on to play sports in college. I've heard this same story, with some minor differences, about a 1000 times.

I hear that you are upset and unhappy, and it does suck. You have every right to be angry and mad. But, it sounds like you are mostly confused.

The truth: Coaches do this kind of stuff more than anyone will admit. Coaches do play favorites. Coaches do make decisions based upon who they like and dislike, and who is related to them. They shouldn't, but they do.

There is only one way to handle this: Be so good that that the coach/board/team has to pick you. You have to be so much better than everyone else that not picking you/playing you would be crazy.

You see, the real competition in sports isn't with the other team. The real competition is with your team mates. You have to always strive to be the best on the team, the best in the conference, the best in the region, the best in the nation.

If there is someone on your team that is better than you, then you have to become better than her. If someone in your league is better than you, then you become better than her.

How? You practice, practice and then practice some more. And every time you feel like you don't want to practice, think about this incident and how you feel right now. That is usually enough to get you to pick up the bat and ball.
May 12, 2008
Good advice already given all of which I agree with and don't need to repeat. I promise you whatever team these girls are making there are better teams out there you need to be trying out for. People on here can help you find where to look for these tryouts if you are interested. What area of the country are you from and how old?
May 7, 2008
Sweetie, everything you've just read is the absolute truth! As Mark H says, there are REAL teams out there who would welcome your desire to play this game. Teams are always looking for true atheletes, and yes, you may have to work even harder than the coaches' daughter so you CAN'T be over-looked, but I can tell u it is worth it! You've not only had your heart broken, but you've also had a spark fueled inside of you that no one will take away, because YOU know you are a great player and desire the spot. So, don't hold it against the girls..... Just go out there and find a team that needs your talent. Wish everyone the best and never wish for anyones failure. Always be the better person, no matter how much it hurts. Never let anyone take the passion for the game away from you!
May 13, 2008
There is only one way to handle this: Be so good that that the coach/board/team has to pick you. You have to be so much better than everyone else that not picking you/playing you would be crazy.

You see, the real competition in sports isn't with the other team. The real competition is with your team mates. You have to always strive to be the best on the team, the best in the conference, the best in the region, the best in the nation.
I agree with the first paragraph of this 100%. If you push yourself to prove yourself in the field, well, they'd be crazy not to take you. If they still can't get over the politics, you really don't want to be a part of that team to begin with. They'll have problems that you really don't want to be a part of anyway.

The second paragraph of sluggers' I partially agree with. True, you compete against your teammates in practice, but your primary competition should be against yourself. Your goal every time you pick up a bat, glove, or ball in practice (team practice or by yourself) should be to be a better softball player than you were. Stive to achieve self-motiviation. Allow the external motivation to serve as a measuring stick for your success.

Also, investigate other opportunities in your area for travel ball. You may be able to find a situation that fits your needs. You may not already have friends on that team, but trust me, you'll quickly make friends with your new teammates. Good luck!

Your situation strikes home with me as something very similar happened to me as a young adult. I was a football player. I stood at a gigantic 5'9" and a whopping 175lbs, not the build of the perfect football player. My Rec Football coaches, my Dad, My High School Coaches, said I would never be able to compete nor be recruited by any college to play football. Wrong thing to tell me. I let it burn, used it as my fuel to do the things the other players wouldn't... Stayed late to lift weights and build upper and lower body strength...exercises to increase my speed, all the extra work that would give me the edge. I didn't start in my Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior years. All of it payed off, as I did start my Senior year and was recruited by Western Div. 1AA & II Schools in the US. I didn't end up playing for any of them, but I knew at the end of day, I had become the best I could be and had done what they said I couldn't do. It was a valuable lesson in success. People and Life are always going to throw stones or put up road blocks. The question is what are you going to do to get over, under, or around the obstacles to get to your goal.

Take the advice from all that have responded, they are some of the best coaches and parents from around the country.

Use this, as "Waterboy" would say, as "Tackling Fuel". Let it remind you that some ignorant board member had some doubt about your ability or had their personal agenda get in the way of doing what was right. Let this fuel you, from this day forward, to leave no doubt in anyone's mind (Future All-Star Coaches, High School Coaches, Travel Coaches, and College Coaches) as to your ability. If you do this, at least you'll know in your heart you did everything right, you did all you could and it won't matter what other people think, you'll be the one smiling in the end. :)
Jun 16, 2008
I can't claim much original thinking here as most of us have learned these lessons already. And, we still have to relearn them periodically when we're wronged. Don't let anyone else steal your desire or control your attitude or emotions. Choose the reaction that will help you be the person and player you wish to be. The next line is not mine, but it is one I've used on my own players and daughter.
Your job, as a player, is to force your coach to put you on every lineup card. It should be impossible to make a lineup without your name on it because of your attitude and performance.

Amy in AZ.

Super Moderator
May 7, 2008
I echo what everyone has said and it is really great that you are learning this lesson,now - as opposed to later in life.

In the work force, there is always going to be someone lurking around trying to take your place. Make yourself invaluable. Work hard. Have a great attitude. Arrive early, stay late.
Do not roll your eyes. ;}

I heard an interview that TN. basketball coach Pat Summitt gave. She said during her son's freshman year of HS, he got cut from the basketball team. After her initial shock, she said that she told him to take his basketballs and work with them everyday and "wear those basketballs out."

That is what you need to do. If you need a dozen old softballs, I will send them, but get a tee or a traffic cone and learn to hit. Hit.Hit.Hit
May 12, 2008
Team tryouts still listed on eteamz for A teams by region or where should she look? Those days are years past for me so it's been awhile. Let's give her some links to click on where she can find travel team tryouts.

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