Advice needed..Should we pull DD from team?

[thefinest]

What to do…

We have a daughter who is in her 2nd year of travel ball in Ohio. She joined a team who recruited her saying that she was one of the top players and that she would play the infield and they would let her earn a spot pitching. The coach said that basically if she worked hard through the winter that she would have a chance to earn a pitching position.

Our DD started off the season as the SS occasionally playing 3rd base and 2nd. The team added another player to the roster later in the year and our DD was then sharing 2nd and centerfield which she honestly didn’t mind at all. DD got ill before the first indoor tourney and was unable to attend. The team did very well without her. When she was able to return to the team she was now centerfielder.

She was never looked at as a pitcher..never even asked to show what she could do. She has been attending pitching lessons every week for a year and we have paid a boatload of $ for these instructions. Her instructor, of course, says that she needs mound time. The team has 3 very solid pitchers but never looked at any of the other girls.

Basically, our DD is not happy with her current team. She hates being in the outfield and is just not a happy camper. She is actually starting to dread the practices and games. She has always LOVED softball and we are afraid that she is going to start to dislike it altogether. We have tried encouraging her by telling her that at 12u the outfield gets a lot more action but she says well that's at 12u! At 10u she is lucky to get one ball come to her in a whole tourny.

Another thing that is really bothering us, is the fact that this team is sitting the same 3 girls (not our DD) on the bench at all times…when they do finally get to come in to play they are always in the outfield. We feel so bad for them. Our team is really really good and sometimes they will get up by 10 or more runs and STILL they don’t switch the positions around and let these girls come and play a little infield. This is for U10 and I just don’t feel that it is right.

Should we pull our DD from the team? The season is just getting underway. I don’t want to teach her to be a quitter but I don’t want her to be unhappy either. She is a truly talented player who any other team would be thrilled to have. She could be getting a little precious mound time on any other team.

Is winning everything at this age? Her current team is probably one of the best in the state of Ohio and switching teams would definitely be a downgrade but she is not going to be given the chance to develop her skills. The current infield/pitchers is all made up of coaches kids. They ARE very good but would it hurt to let other players develop too especially if the score is so ridiculously lopsided?

 

[softballphreak]

I would like for your coaches to read this. Maybe send them a copy. It could possibly help several players. I see no negativity here.

Having said that I would make sure if you do decide to quit that you do it with as little drama as possible. If your DD is a pitcher in addition to the other positions she can play I'm pretty sure you could find a team that really would appreciate her.

Fun is an important part of the game. If that's missing it's not worth it. I'm not talking about playground fun. I'm talking about real fun--productive work, competition, desire to win, sportsmanship, etc.

 

[SoftSocDad]

1) 10u
2) 10u pitcher

At this age, she needs to be on a team where she's getting significant playing time and time in the circle.

The trophies she'll win with this team will mean nothing if she doesn't get a chance to develop her game skills.

Discreetly locate a team she can join and start for right away, and then politely and quietly thank the current team for the opportunity they've given your daughter. I don't advocate quitting either, but I don't see this as quitting, based on the evidence you've presented.

The environment you've described seems better suited for a seriously competitive 14u or older team.

 

[PEPPERS]

My daughter had kind of the same thing happen to her she agreed to play for this teams who was miles away, she pitched and played first, the coach’s daughter was hurt and did not play the first three tournaments. Well when she got better the coach informed my daughter that his daughter played first and she would only be pitching and batting from this point. My daughter was promised she would play first when not pitching. My daughter her mother and I discussed it and my thinking is don’t be a quitter and work to earn back the position, of course with the coach’s daughter at first probably won’t happen.

Then we got the schedule and instead of tournaments being close to home as promised they were 3 and 6 hours away. So we (her mother and I) are the ones that quit. We just could not work and make tournaments that far away every weekend.

When I coached I had kids quit because I would move them to outfield when we would get ahead and let other kids play infield, parents would get mad at me and give me a piece of their mind. Not to mention that I explained to them the more positions a kid could play the more valuable a kid was to a team, I would rather get on the field as an outfielder that wait for an infield position to open up, with a high school or a good travel team. I never carred if we won or lost, only that the kids had fun and learned something.

Ever situation is different, so advise needs to be taken with a grain of salt. IMO at this age it should be about developing a kids ability. Many coaches are more interested in feeding their own egos and not helping the kids. If you find yourself in that situation (I’m not saying this is going on with this team) I would consider moving her so she could get a better opportunity to help her improve her game and have fun doing it.

Another point is the best athletes do not always make the best players, the hard workers almost always do.

The team she started that year had very few of the original players at the end of the season.

 

[D.G. OutLaws 16u]

I would like for your coaches to read this. Maybe send them a copy. It could possibly help several players. I see no negativity here.

Have adult objective conversation with coach letting them know what the 'team' should be providing...per his selling points during his recruiting process

She joined a team who recruited her saying that she was one of the top players and that she would play the infield and they would let her earn a spot pitching. The coach said that basically if she worked hard through the winter that she would have a chance to earn a pitching position.

I'd stress that your DD (and you, the parents) agreed to be on this team based on his offers and how DD has worked hard enough to get some pitching time...there wasn't any mention of being placed in the outfield. A TB coach should hold true to his/her words....you have every right to question his accountability. You paid for a service and as a consumer you absolutely have the right to question and follow up on getting what you paid for. If you sence that you've been helping finance a team so his DD and a select few others get most of the focus and opportunity....your in for a long painful season watching your DD lose her passion if she doesn't have anything to look forward to. If this TB coach is any good he will allready sence your worries/concerns and have logical reasons why your DD hasn't been given opportunity and more important is coach will have a solid roadmap for this coming season. I wouldn't settle for anything less!!

 

[ctfastpitch]

Her current team is probably one of the best in the state of Ohio and switching teams would definitely be a downgrade but she is not going to be given the chance to develop her skills. The current infield/pitchers is all made up of coaches kids. They ARE very good but would it hurt to let other players develop too especially if the score is so ridiculously lopsided?

Seen this before with the "top" teams in a state/region. There is a core group of kids (usually coach's kids + a few other studs) that get most/all of the innings in the key positions. They then fill in around them with other decent players and/or bench sitters in order to collect their fee money and have enough practice players. These other kids (and their parents) get stars in their eyes to be able to say that they "play" for the So-And-So Tigers (or whatever their name is) with the great record and championships. Problem is that they don't actually play that much, and when they do, it is often in positions not already occupied by the core group of kids. Other than their core group, they are constantly looking to upgrade. Over time, as other "studs" become available, they will weed out some of the other kids, in favor of the new "studs". By the time they get to 14U-16U they truly do have a dominant team, will win a lot of championships and place a lot of kids into college programs...but a lot of the kids that started with them at 10U aren't with them at that point.

Having said that, it is not all bad. These programs are very successful and they do what they need to do to stay a top program. You just need to be aware, and decide if that is the right path for your daughter. You can probably look and ask around about the older age groups for this organization to see if that is the case.

Based on your description, it seems like your DD is not part of the "core" group, and if they have 3 solid pitchers, she probably is not going to see much time in the circle. When I hear words like "she'll have a chance to earn a spot in the rotation" at 10U, that sounds and awful lot like "good luck with that...she'll really have to out-pitch our starters to have any shot" Also, she may well get left behind in the future as new "studs" get recruited.

So it looks like you have two choices:

1) Make the best of it this year and look for a better situation for her for next year, or
2) If you find a team that needs a pitcher and will give her a chance for this season, then explain to her current coach that it looks like she will not really get a chance to "earn" a pitching spot on his team, she really wants to pitch, and she has an opportunity to get some quality pitching experience on another team. He will probably not like that, and may hold a grudge, but you need to do what is best for your DD.

It's definitely a tough call...you don't want her to be a quitter, but you also don't want her have a miserable summer and to lose her passion for the game.

 

[fastpitch]

Just speaking from my experience. When my DD was 10u eligible last year she would have been one of the better 10U players in the area. Unfortunately most of the 10U teams in our area were relatively weak with poor to average coaching. We elected to go with a more competitive organization and play up with a 12u team. The big pull for us was the level of coaching was superior to other teams in the area. While DD was a good pitcher for her age, she only pitched half a game in a blowout all last year for this team. She could have been a #1 pitcher/ss/catcher on most 10u teams and probably be a main pitcher on most lower level 12u teams. While they tried her at a number of positions; she ended up being the starting right fielder and a backup catcher (caught only two games). Because she could hit; she was in the lineup. Last year she learned how to play right field and developed other areas of her game playing with and against more competitive kids a year or two older.

Since this travel ball/club team only played on the weekends she got her game innings pitching in Little League and a 12U weeknight town team.

Fast forward one year and a lot of practice. As an 11yo on a mostly 2nd year 12u team she has become one of the main pitchers and starting center fielder when she isn't pitching. Being in an environment where she knows she has to compete/give results or not play a position or get into the lineup; she is driven to practice more than I think she would if she was the predetermined #1 pitcher/ss/whatever.

Basically, what I'm saying is... staying with the more competitive team with better coaching has made my DD a much better all around player than I think she would have been if she left to find a weaker team to "pitch" at 10u. If you don't think this team is making your DD a better player and she will never get a true chance to compete for a spot you are probably on the wrong team. But be honest with yourself. Two families left our team last year because they were delusional about their kids abilities and thought they needed a team where they could pitch. They are now suffering on some weaker team with poor defense, coaching and losing every weekend. They actually hate playing even more now because their defense doesn't make any plays behind them.

Whatever you do... remember you are the only one who really has the best interests of your dd in mind and the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

[starsnuffer]

She's a kid, put her where she's going to have fun and play the game. It isn't about winning, no one remembers the trophies their TB team won when they were 10, they remember their friends and experiences though.

-W

 

[thefinest]

thanks everyone!

Thanks for all the great feedback. We are thinking that we will probably end up pulling her. I am still a little torn about it especially when I read "fastpitch's" message. We originally were going to have her play up on 12u this season which she really wanted to do but we talked her into playing down so she could get lots of infield time and pitching experience. Unfortunately, neither of those things are happening.

I really dread it and hate to do it but I don't feel like they are being fair especially to the 3 poor kids that are the only ones to ride the pine. If we left that would give them a little more playing time. Anyone of those 3 girls would be infielders on any other team. It would definitely not be much, if any, of a downgrade for them to put them somewhere besides L and R field for an inning especially if the team is already crushing the opponent. I'm very surprised that none of them have quit but they do have older siblings on the other teams so maybe they feel they are stuck. It just doesn't sit right with me...I don't know how he can look those parents in the eye.

 

[sru]

So are you going to quit the team mid-season or at the of the season?

IMO, quitting mid-season is a big mistake for a few different reasons. In my area, there are a few girls who have made a commitment and then quit, leaving the team (ie the girls) short of a good player at a time when the coaches can't find a replacement with a comparable skill level. These girls have been labeled as team hoppers and are slowly eroding future opportunities with the TB teams in our area. Secondly, and most important, is the message it sends your DD. Quit, if things aren't going your way.

The coach made promises which he hasn't honoured. Tell him how you feel in a respectful and honest way. Maybe you can work through it. We all know the beneifts of having our kids play team sports. The life lessons they learn are far more valuable to them than the physical skills they learn. She has many years of ball ahead of her, I say keep her on the team and teach her to make lemonade out of lemons for the year and move on after she has fullfilled her commitment. She will be a better player, and person for it.