Dreaded Bucket Dad Syndrome

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Jun 19, 2014
846
43
Raleigh,NC
I feel like D is at a point that she has a good understanding of pitching. The problem is dad, in his attempt to get her to throw harder. Not saying dad is a complete idiot but I don't think his instructions are helping...besides, SHE needs to figure this out not him. Anytime I hear dad yell, "finish your pitch, follow through, keep moving forward,stop throwing across your body", I just want to choke him...I visualize putting my hand over his mouth, to quiet him. He says this stuff all the time..at every practice, before and after every game...after almost every single pitch. I know he isn't the only dad that does this, I have witnessed other dads repeat some meaningless instructions in the attempt to make their daughters better. Usually it is the same thing over and over as well...What are they, parakeets? You really think they are paying attention to you after saying the same things 100s of times over? Teenage girls has a natural ability to tune parents out. Not only can they tune you out but they have selective hearing as well...The only one listening to what you said is me, and I am don't want to hear it. Those phrases give me the same feeling of irritation as someone scratching their nails against a chalk board. Really, I just want him to butt out...let her pitch and for him to support her in a positive manner. I just don't know how to get this message across without feeling attacked or his feeling getting hurt. He has a bad case of bucket dad syndrome and needs a cure.
 
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Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
I was AC and to vocal, I told DD I was not going to say a thing and she took off.

Maybe give her a break for a few games he can keep his mouth shout For a few games?

See what happens.
 
Last edited:
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
I'm guessing he doesn't read anything here. Until he does, you're going to have to put up with him not knowing how much he deosn't know. I seem to remember you've posted about him in the past spouting out incorrect things before. Didn't he attend a lot of your DD's pitching lessons? He should have learned a few things. Or is he the type of guy who will only listen to what he thinks he feels is right and then runs in zigzag line with it?

I might suggest some rolled up socks between his teeth held firmly in place with a generous amount of duct tape.
 

ez_softball

Life at the diamond...
Apr 14, 2017
158
28
It's not just dads... it's moms... it's coaches... and it's other parents.
When my daughter was younger I would say a lot more than I should have. It didn't help that I coached but I eventually figured out the best thing I could do was to keep my mouth shut on gameday and trust her to figure it out. Honestly, in the rare instances I'm not coaching I actually excuse myself to the outfield so, I'm not tempted to open my mouth and disturb her in the circle. :p
My daughter has played for a few coaches over the years that "live or die" with every single pitch, every batter, every inning, etc. It takes awhile for us to "train" them to shut up and trust her at her craft. It's the same thing as what some coaches do with hitting on gamedays. I'm not that guy...IMO coaching technique and mechanics is for practices... gamedays are for encouraging and simply applying what we have already practiced.
 
Aug 21, 2008
2,359
113
Crystal,

Next time you and D go out to play catch, have dad come along. Toss him the ball and ask him to show her how it's done since he's the expert. If he is game, and actually does try this, he'll find out how difficult it really is. Then, at night, away from D... you bring it up. The key is to do it away from her.

Saying something, good or bad, after every pitch is bad, regardless of if you're a parent, a coach, or both. The more someone says something after each pitch the more that kid is going to depend on that feed back. After every pitch she will look for feedback on what she did right or wrong. When doing my lessons, I only say something (good or bad) every few pitches. And the last thing you want is a kid dependent on a parent's feedback because it WILL spill over to games... then the parent is "coaching" from the stands.

Bill
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Tell your DH that he will enjoy the games much more if he just sits back and watches. I put myself as far away as possible (usually LF,CF or RF..depending on the field) so I am not tempted to say anything.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
I eventually figured out the best thing I could do was to keep my mouth shut on gameday and trust her to figure it out.

I used to sit in a lawn chair behind the backstop off to the side. I wouldn't say a thing. Even in the most pressure packed situations. Parents would come up and ask how I could be so calm. I would tell them it does absolutely no good for my DD to see me pacing like a caged animal up and down the fence. I'm not the one playing, she is. She put in all the work over the years to be able to handle whatever happens on the field. I'm just there to support her and her teammates.

Had a mom of one of my students who was a pacer. I had asked the girl if seeing her mom pacing made her nervous and she said yes. Then I asked her the same question in front of her mom. To her credit she answered yes. Mom never realized what she did could affect her DD on the field. After that mom sat off to the side and just shouted encouragement to her DD.
 
Nov 25, 2012
1,437
83
USA
I used to sit in a lawn chair behind the backstop off to the side. I wouldn't say a thing. Even in the most pressure packed situations. Parents would come up and ask how I could be so calm. I would tell them it does absolutely no good for my DD to see me pacing like a caged animal up and down the fence. I'm not the one playing, she is. She put in all the work over the years to be able to handle whatever happens on the field. I'm just there to support her and her teammates.

Had a mom of one of my students who was a pacer. I had asked the girl if seeing her mom pacing made her nervous and she said yes. Then I asked her the same question in front of her mom. To her credit she answered yes. Mom never realized what she did could affect her DD on the field. After that mom sat off to the side and just shouted encouragement to her DD.

Great way to do it and I have to say I do alot of things wrong but this may be the one thing I think I do right. I sit in stands and don't say a peep. Nada. I rarely cheer and once in a blue moon I will yell good job and it is usually after a big hit and not a strike out or good pitch. I probably cheer more for the other kids than I do my own kid. She doesn't notice that I am not cheering for her but she would notice if I was telling her what she is doing wrong. Again, I don't do many things right, but I think I may have figured this one out a few years ago.

Crystal, I think if you can get DH to another game where your DD isn't playing and can find a mom, dad, etc. who yells like crazy at his kid it might be a light bulb moment. Point out how silly the parent looks and more important the effect he/she has on the kid and then ask him to think about that for a minute. Maybe that might help.
 
Jul 22, 2015
851
93
I learned the hard way that too much feedback creates a dependency on it just as Hillhouse said above. I learned in practices to ask her why that pitch was off or why a pitch didn't do/go as intended. If she didn't know and made the same mistake a few times she would ask me what went wrong or I would pose the question again. It really seemed to help her think through things. I still struggle with in-game advice. If you see a specific problem that is causing them not to perform well it seems wrong not to try and help, but it can't be every pitch or even close to that.
 
Jun 29, 2013
589
18
The only advice I give to DD is telling her what I see- the other night, working on drop ball, I told her that her arm looked stiff, try to keep it nice and loose and just work on what her PC told her. Tonight, I told her that her change will be really effective if she sells it better, she was developing a habit of stopping the arm as soon as the ball was released. Again, just trying to get her to think this through and make her adjustments. Usually it works fairly well.
Funniest thing I ever saw was a travel coach yelling at his pitchers to "Elongate your arm, Please!!!!!" Loud enough so you could hear it from the freaking parking lot. And no, I haven't a clue about how the kid was going to do whatever it was he thought she should be doing.
 

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