HS pitching and parenting

GunnerShotgun said:

As a coach I would say that if your daughter needs advice between innings you aren't doing it right.

Games are exam time where you let them figure it out. Help them study in the off season and on the bucket during the week.

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In the real softball world that is NOT how it works. In a quality program pitchers are never left to their own to '"figure it out". This is the I know nothing about pitching, but have way too big a coaching ego to admit it narrative.

The OP, [MENTION=332]sluggers[/MENTION] provides some great advice. Pitchers parents like coaches come in many different flavors. Some know nothing about pitching, while others have arguably forgotten more about pitching than most will ever know. The bottom line is that from time to time, as in occasionally a pitcher will need help during a game to be successful. Hopefully someone on the coaching staff has the expertise to help out. If not, therein lies the dilemma. To that end there is a huge difference between a subtle hint, versus walking into the dugout and providing full on analysis and mechanics lesson, complete with a physical demonstration of the pitching motion. As [MENTION=332]sluggers[/MENTION] points out she will receive zero respect from her teammates if she is constantly communicating with her parent(s) and you will look like a total jerk. You will become "that parent".

What worked in High School and on into college was she had to ask before I would provide help. This was very subtle, non verbal communication based on many bullpen sessions. Essentially all she would ask for is a cue. Something as simple as me holding a hand out at 9 and slowly turning my palm up. Or brushing my lower arm on my hip. I actually did this tonight with one of my students in a HS game. But again she asked first, and when I responded nobody was the wiser. The game went on, she threw better, coaches egos were not bruised, and there was no loss of respect from her teammates.

What I see way too often is parents providing insight at every opportunity regardless if it is really needed, much less requested. This will, over time prove to do more damage than good. Your DD will not learn to think for herself, and you will be seen as overbearing. If your DD is struggling while pitching or in life itself she knows something is amiss and will certainly do her best to correct it. If she asks for help, only then offer advice. Your relationship will be the better for it.

Doug Romrell said:

Odds are pretty low that a coach (HS or other) would give a fart what the pitcher's pitching coach (the person who likely knows the pitcher better than anyone) thinks or might have to say to help pitcher. Seems odd to me.

Having said that... I have never given instruction during a game to a pitching student of mine who is playing on another team (e.g., high school ball). I've definitely HAD things I wanted to say to the pitcher, but the walls that egos build get in the way. I don't think it's proper for a pitching coach to walk up and tell the pitcher something. However, it would sure be shocking for the pitcher's coach to be humble enough to see that the pitcher needs a hint from her pitching coach. For me, the coach would have to give that pitcher permission to have a brief chat with her pitching coach.

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Actually had one of Jakes HS coaches call me to the dugout and told me to accompany her to the bullpen to as he said "fix her sh..!"

riseball said:

In the real softball world that is NOT how it works. In a quality program pitchers are never left to their own to '"figure it out". This is the I know nothing about pitching, but have way too big a coaching ego to admit it narrative.

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You keep talking about the "real world" and your version is not one I am familiar with. You are telling me that in a quality program pitchers are consulting parents and private pitching coaches during the game?

The pitchers on teams in my world are supported by coaches on the coaching staff during games.

What worked in High School and on into college was she had to ask before I would provide help. This was very subtle, non verbal communication based on many bullpen sessions. Essentially all she would ask for is a cue. Something as simple as me holding a hand out at 9 and slowly turning my palm up. Or brushing my lower arm on my hip. I actually did this tonight with one of my students in a HS game. But again she asked first, and when I responded nobody was the wiser. The game went on, she threw better, coaches egos were not bruised, and there was no loss of respect from her teammates.

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That is EXACTLY what I did with my DD. Over the thousands of hours working with her, often inside a noisy facility, we worked out a set of signals where I could communicate a correction/observation to her within a couple of seconds without trying yell across the facility. We carried this on into HS and college. If I was at the game and she was struggling with something she had a signal she would give me. I would be able to give a correction within a couple of seconds and no one ever knew it happened. My wife would be there next to me and she never knew it happened.

I used to sit there and watch the games from my chair off to the side or I had my camera out taking pictures. Parents would come up to me and ask how I could be so calm during a tense situation in a game. I would tell them it does my DD ABSOLUTELY no good for her to see me pacing back and forth along the fence like a caged animal. I knew she had the ability handle pretty much anything that happened on the field. It was her game. I was just a spectator.

Had a student a few years ago whose mom who used to put 3 miles a game up and down the fence. I went to a couple of games to see how she did. I saw the mom doing this and yelling out things to her DD during the game when she was in the circle. After one of the games I was talking to the mom and student. I asked the girl in front of her mother if seeing her mother pacing up and down the fence made her nervous during a game. To the girl's credit she said yes in front of her mother. The mom had no clue. After that mom used to sit in the stands off to the side cheering and giving encouragement to her DD. If you think they don't see you... You're wrong. And through the din of white noise during a game there IS one voice that will be heard above all others. That would be mom or dad's.

JAD said:

Therefore, if something is not working properly and my DD is seeking advice between innings who is the most qualified person available to help?

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I think the bolded part is the key. I believe Sluggers was referring to the parents that feel the need to advise and "coach" whether asked or not. If the player is actively seeking advice that is a different story.

A good coach will know when they can help with advice and when someone else might know more about what is going on. I've seen many a "pitching coach" on staffs that would barely be qualified to put a ball on a tee.

DNeeld said:

I think the bolded part is the key. I believe Sluggers was referring to the parents that feel the need to advise and "coach" whether asked or not. If the player is actively seeking advice that is a different story.

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This was my interpretation too. The parents who stand behind home plate the entire game, looking intense and yelling out advice between every pitch. I was kinda hoping by high school they went away...but we went to a college game a couple of weeks ago and they were there too.

GunnerShotgun said:

I don't care if God almighty was there to provide infinite wisdom and compassion. Save it for after the game.

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You are wrong just face it.

GunnerShotgun said:

It's not that I don't value other peoples (pitching coach, parent) insight it's just that I am not interested in it during the game. If I was a coach that knew little about pitching I would seek out a pitching coach, or parent to add to the staff or help out during practice.

I don't need hitting/pitching/fielding tips from the stands during a game. Come to practice or catch me after a game.

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Sounds like you only need some coaching advice. Sounds like you are one of those " I'm the God of softball" coaches.

GunnerShotgun said:

You keep talking about the "real world" and your version is not one I am familiar with. You are telling me that in a quality program pitchers are consulting parents and private pitching coaches during the game?

The pitchers on teams in my world are supported by coaches on the coaching staff during games.

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Well must be great in your perfect world. But for most of us, we have coaches in HS that say things like, "I know nothing about pitching or hitting" true story. I heard my dds HS coach say it with my own ears. He wants no help at all.