Don't be like me!

DD recently tried out for and made a "better" 12U TB team that she has been wanting to play on for a while. I was reluctant to let her try out just out of fear of her being disappointed if she did not make it, but she did. The coach told me that they already have 3 pitchers on the team, and that he could not guarantee her any circle time. I told him I was fine with that as long as the time was being determined by production instead of promised time to certain pitchers and I explained this to my DD as well. I told her that she had to work in order to get into the top 3.

This weekend was our first double header, and each pitcher was scheduled to pitch at least 2 innings each. The other 3 pitchers did pretty well, while DD did not perform as well. She ended up walking 5 batters, striking out 2, and throwing one out at first while giving up 2 runs. It was frustrating for me to watch, and I think DD knew it even though I didn't say anything. I put to much pressure on her, and made the experience more than she was able to handle. To top it off, after the game she told me she was sorry for not doing well. I have felt guilty ever since. Although I want DD to perform to her ability, it is just a game and I want to focus more on making our many hours together playing softball memorable instead of disappointing.

Live and learn, right? You'll do better next time. So will she.

I dare say almost every member on here has either learned that lesson or its in their near future.

Phathead said:

I dare say almost every member on here has either learned that lesson or its in their near future.

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^^^^ Amen. Sometimes even more than once!

Wow I can't tell you how many times I have had that feeling you described. Once I get done feeling 2 feet tall I usually sit DD down and have a talk about life. Usually the "we screw up sometimes more than we don't " kinda talk about about humility and being able to admit a mistake, learn from it and be a better person because of it. I tell her that I have screwed up way more times in my life than I hope she ever will and that I wouldn't take ANY of those mistakes back because they made me who I am today. So many life lessons to be learned around and through sports - things that go far beyond just playing the game. Just another reason why I am addicted!

Full Count - you should be grateful you have guilt over this experience- some crazy parents don't get this and you know those kids when you see them. Good luck!

You're talking a lot about how the experience made you feel, how you think she felt, and your mistakes. Have you talked to her about it? How does she feel? Your feelings might help you make some adjustments to your approach in the future, but you also might find that your assumptions about her feelings might be off target. If your DD is anything like my DD (and nearly every teammate she has had in the last 2 years), she is fully aware that she didn't have the best day, and also knows she has the ability to do better. I would bet big money she gave it the best effort she was capable of in that moment.

No matter how they played, and no matter how much better we think they are capable of playing, some of the first words - sometimes the only words - out of our mouth should be, "I love watching you play softball".

Sincerely,
Dad of a 12yo TB player

This is a good lesson for the recruiting years as well. It’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking her future is on the line with every pitch or at bat. Much better to look at the big picture and take away the positives.

I remember something DD 3's TB coach said last summer.

They were disappointed after losing the last Loser Bracket game, meaning they were 3rd place. They thought they could've won, which would've given them 2nd place. (The 1st place team was a lot better, so no chance there).

The coach lined up the girls for pictures with the trophy. He said that when they looked at the pictures in the future, they wouldn't even remember that it was a 3rd rather than 2nd place trophy.