Player not showing up for practice due to mom

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May 14, 2010
213
0
Country Boy,just because a girl plays TB does not make her parents wealthy,or a better player or what ever else you were ranting about.I'am not wealthy,I'am a single parent and only have my dd to take care of.We spend are vaction seeing the world one field at a time , and if my dd happens to be better then a rec. player so be it,she works hard learning this game.Well you might be right about these girls never making a living playing softball,but softball could help open the doors to make a good living.Do I think this girl should be punished,yes but thats not for me to decide and it is not for you to judge all TB players or Rec players,and by the way my dd started out in rec. ball and still plays during the week in rec ball,TB was just the next step to take.

I knew after I posted and read it again that it could be taken the wrong way. In my experience, there are a couple common reasons for a girl not playing TB and staying in Rec ball. 1 of the common reasons is $. I realize that doesn't make TB players wealthy, but we all know there is a very real financial commitment. So I apologize for any that were offended by me insinuating that TB players are wealthy. But please don't be naive enough to think money is not a factor in playing travel ball.

Nanotech, are you saying TB players are not typically better players than Rec?

In my post, I attempted to encourage people to not place different standards on TB and Rec players. It doesn't matter what level of softball or even what sport someone plays. They must follow the rules that are set by the coach. I did not knowingly judge TB vs Rec, and in rereading my post, am not sure where you find it. But it doesn't matter. My belief stands. All of a team's players have to follow the rules. If you disagree, try coaching a team of 12 girls with 12 different sets of rules. Good luck.
 
May 25, 2010
1,070
0
Sorry. Just got done slopping the pigs out here in redneckville. Didn't realize I lived such a life of luxury! Sweet.

As I understood the original post, the girl doesn't have to attend practice. She just has to let the coach know she won't be there a whopping 60 minutes before practice. So it doesn't matter if her mom can't sober up, get motivated and take her. She just has to call. So there is no penalty for not showing up. There is no penalty for being from a disadvantaged home. There is a penalty for not informing the coach that she won't be there. OP says Player has a phone. Player needs to make a call. Or player doesn't play. Simple enough for me. If I misunderstood any of the facts in this post, I apologize to everyone.

I did not intend to demonize the player and don't think I did. Just applauding OP for establishing rules and holding everyone accountable for following them. Really can't understand how you think that teaching a 14yr old to follow the rules is bad. This has nothing to do with her genetics, my genetics, my location, her education or anyone's environment. This is about the rules. Our country is filled with them. Our game is filled with them. 14yr olds need to get used to them.

A question: Since this girl is from a disadvantaged family, if she hits a ball and is thrown out at first, does she get to continue to run the bases or is she out? If she drops a popfly, is the other player still out because this girl comes from a bad home environment? I am betting those rules are enforced without regard to her background. So why shouldn't the others apply?

Your liberal attitude, in large part, is what is wrong with this country. Too many people making excuses for not following the rules. This girls mother was incapable or unwilling to take the girl to practice. That's too bad and, even though my silver spoon is hurting my teeth, I am sympathetic. But the girl wasn't punished for her mother. She was punished because she couldn't bother to pick up HER phone and call the coach. The OP making excuses for this girl is not going to help her. There are plenty of people like you lined up to make excuses for her. She needs someone to teach her, not enable her.

Not sure why you feel the need to attack me. But don't care. I'll just pull up my big boy panties and get back to work. Them thar chickens is needin' fed.
No, what's wrong with this country is that we've got too many stupid people who are only capable of seeing the world in black and white and unfortunately for the rest of us, they produce the most offspring.

If the goal is to provide a true rec softball experience, then players should only be penalized for inappropriate field conduct. If they're blatantly disrespectful of the coaches or teammates at practice, then you warn or suspend them if necessary. If they're disrespectful of the umpires, coaches, or players during a game, then you bench them or even suspend them if it's an ongoing problem. Not attending rec softball practice shouldn't be a punishable offense, even if the coach and other team parents are going out of their way to help with getting the child to and from practice. Frustration with the mother for being content with her lot in life is no reason to perpetuate that misfortune by essentially giving up on a child who cares enough about opportunity to be devastated about not making that all-star team. You can bang the anti-liberal drum all you want, but if you are not capable of recognizing a societal responsibility to help break the cycle by encouraging children to do better, then you become a huge part of that 'problem' you hate so much.

YOCOACH - I know the type of mom you're describing and I hate her as much as you do, and with good reason. She feels like she's earned some great level of respect just by walking the earth. It's crazy, I can see exactly what happened in that meeting as if I was witnessing it myself. I've heard "you disrespected me!!" so much (over the stupidest of things), that it just makes me shake my head and laugh. You're in a hard position and I applaud you for requesting the fee waiver for the player. Like Nanotech said, if you didn't care, you would never have posted this. I hope you are willing to give the player another chance in 2012 and that she learned from what's happened this year. IMO, the mother is a lost cause. She doesn't care and no one can make her care. She's a victim, will always be a victim, and so the best we can hope for is that her kids won't turn out anything like her. I admire you for volunteering your time in that environment in the first place. Your job is a whole lot tougher than mine, that's for sure.
 
Oct 25, 2009
3,345
48
I don't understand the hostility toward Country Boy. In essence, he is saying that missing 30 out of 32 practices is unacceptable, no matter who is at fault, and that it should not be allowed without consequences.

What would the kid be taught if she was allowed to have all the privileges that the kids who did come to practice had? What would the kids that did come to practice be taught?

Hopefully, the kid and her parent learned something from this and will do their part next season. We experience situations similar to this every year; and we do everything we can to help. But whether we like it or not there are some people to whom softball is not at the top of their to do list. They will find other interests; maybe something they really do care about.
 

Greenmonsters

Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
Feb 21, 2009
6,168
38
New England
In my post, I attempted to encourage people to not place different standards on TB and Rec players. It doesn't matter what level of softball or even what sport someone plays. They must follow the rules that are set by the coach. I did not knowingly judge TB vs Rec, and in rereading my post, am not sure where you find it. But it doesn't matter. My belief stands. All of a team's players have to follow the rules. If you disagree, try coaching a team of 12 girls with 12 different sets of rules. Good luck.

Why do you think the term scholar-athlete has become an oxymoron and prima donnas so prevalent within the realm of big time athletics? IMO, player/personal accountability is absent from too many coaches' dictionaries. Based on prior experiences, the players have been "taught" that the rules don't apply to them and the big time programs subsequently either ignore the rules or make the rules so loose that no one is likely to break them and be subject to repercussions. Most recent examples are Ohio State and the Univ of Miami, but they're not alone.

OK, travel or rec FP ain't big time athletics for most, but as a coach you need simply need to enforce the rules you have or else you are doing a disservice to your players and society. If you don't like the rules, seek to modify them or find another org whose rules you can live with. If you have no rules, skip the SB season and just give everybody a trophy, a DI scholly, and a combination hall pass/get out of jail free card for life.
 
Jul 1, 2010
171
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Wow, how dare a coach set down rules and have consequences for those who don't follow them. Shame on you! Don't you know that we live in the era of entitlement??

I shouldn't be surprised at all the hate rained down on the OP. I see it daily as a teacher and a coach. Johnny wants to be the star of the team, but doesn't want to attend practice or only gives half effort when there or doesn't want to maintain the grades to play.

For what it is worth my advice is show her that you care, but continue to challenge and encourage her to rise above her situation to become the star that you believe she can be. Never completely close the door, but we all have to know that there are consequences to actions, both good and bad.
 

Huskerdu

With Purpose and Urgency
Sep 4, 2011
130
0
Ha...this is a very entertaining topic, here are my observations. If this girl only made two practices, then she isn't really on the team, she is merely a fill in player. I didn't see anywhere where her parents were required to pay a fee for her to play, so they didn't have any skin in the game...so what do you expect.

Lastly, the rules are good to have and they were probably enforced to the letter, but as coaches we need to be creative to help kids experience and grow and play as much as possible. I would have nipped this in the bud after she had only made 1 of 5 practices instead of trying to undo a whole season essentially reinforcing their bad behavior.

You should have staked that tree when the trunk was only a couple of inches instead of waiting till the thing grew big enough to ruin your plumbing.
 
Jul 25, 2011
680
16
Southern Illinois
This forum cracks me up. Some posters blast others just to turn around later and support them while at the same time blastinf someone else that agreed. And I've been told that I need to get a clue.
I think that all players need to be held accountable. Rules are rules. We blast certain atheletes for acting entitled and the turn around and make special allowances for other atheletes.
I agree that there are many kids out there in unfortunate cases that need a break. But the ones that capitalize on that break are very few and far between. Most just go on to perpetuate the hardship.
I also think it is naive to think that, not being wealthy, but having the money to spend on tb is not a seperating factor. Yes the talent is generally lower in rec., But how many kids playing rec ball could be very good tb players if they were given the same opportunity. My wife and I are not wealthy, but we are not poor by any means. We just choose to spend money on hitting/pitching lessons and expensive bats instead of golf clubs, beer, or fancy cars. There are many kids who's parents have other priorities, but there are many more parents out there that cannot afford expensive dues, lessons, and even more expensive traveling expenses. We are very blessed to be able to provide this opportunity.
We want kids to be more responsible with their facebook posts and tweets, we as adults need to be more resposible with our posts and quit beating each other up for shareing opinions.
 

left turn

It's fun being a dad!
Sep 20, 2011
277
16
NJ
This is a tragic story on many levels for the child. I grieve for the child that doesn’t have the resources (whether it’s parental time or willingness or money). All of these things make a significant difference in the arc of the child.

But what about the other 11 or 12 kids on the team? They have a right to be treated fair as well. There are cases where we have pity on the one and disenfranchise the other 11.

I have an illustrative example (that is admittedly not as dire). Teams are at 13 players in recreation ball – which is high already. Teams and coaches are picked practices have started. It will be difficult as it is to get everyone 2 at bats in a game and meaningful turns in the infield. Cut off for recreation registration was weeks ago. Parents call to sign up their child. Do you have compassion for the child whose parents just awakened to the fact that ball has already started? Or do you have compassion for the other kids that signed up on time? If we allow the additional child to sign up and the roster balloons to 14, the experience of the other children is diminished.

Sometimes the correct answer is no. But hopefully there is an alternative in the area that will be helpful to the child.
 
May 14, 2010
213
0
If the goal is to provide a true rec softball experience, then players should only be penalized for inappropriate field conduct. If they're blatantly disrespectful of the coaches or teammates at practice, then you warn or suspend them if necessary. If they're disrespectful of the umpires, coaches, or players during a game, then you bench them or even suspend them if it's an ongoing problem. Not attending rec softball practice shouldn't be a punishable offense, even if the coach and other team parents are going out of their way to help with getting the child to and from practice. Frustration with the mother for being content with her lot in life is no reason to perpetuate that misfortune by essentially giving up on a child who cares enough about opportunity to be devastated about not making that all-star team. You can bang the anti-liberal drum all you want, but if you are not capable of recognizing a societal responsibility to help break the cycle by encouraging children to do better, then you become a huge part of that 'problem' you hate so much.

Evidently you and I share different expectations/ experiences with rec ball in this situation and that may be part of our disagreement. I believe there is much more to Rec than showing up for a game. Much of the experience, in my opinion, is learning the life skills that are conveyed through sports. By the age of 14, a player should no longer be rewarded for showing up to a game. Just because it's not TB, doesn't mean practices are not important. Learning to be a team player, supporting your fellow player, listening are all life skills that are groomed during practices, to say nothing of skill development.

Just because it is Rec ball, that doesn't mean that girls cannot be allowed to want to win. Rec Ball in our area is very competitive. Many players have the talent to play TB but choose not to for a variety of reasons. Most teams will practice with the intent of improving skill level so they can compete to win. Sorry, but I don't think that is an improper Rec ball attitude.

Let's think about the other players on that team. Imagine if you were on a Rec team, attended every practice, then had to sit on the bench some while a girl that showed up to 2 out of 32 practices played. Imagine watching her not know the signs or missing the cutoff. How would you feel? Wouldn't you feel a little like you were being crapped on? If not, I applaud you. I would be pi**ed!

I might be more inclined to believe your philosophy if this were 6U or 8U where everyone gets a Participation ribbon or some such crap. But this girl was 14. We're not doing her a favor by allowing her to ignore the rules. Again, we're not requiring her to attend practices. She was being required to call the coach to tell him she couldn't make it.

Society does have a responsibility to this girl and all others. But, in my opinion, that responsibility is to teach them a responsibility for their actions. Patting her on the back and offering her encouragement when she can't exhibit the drive and energy to make a 45 second phone call is a disservice. In my opinion, where this girl came from is not important. It's where she is going that is my concern, and hopefully, society's.
 
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