Dad "promoted" to assistant and all hell breaks loose (LONG)

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Jul 29, 2016
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My daughter had found a team finally which we really like. She's a talented catcher, and just needs the reps to get really good. We weren't getting looks from the elite teams in our area for a variety of reasons, but we found a team with a great coach, a good group of girls, and enough talent to compete with anyone. Head coach doesn't have a daughter on the team, so no "daddy ball."

We played a few tournaments in the fall, and had mixed results. We were happy, though, because daughter was improving, and you could see tons of potential in the team when they played together. Lots of unnecessary fielding errors which I chalked up to lack of focus rather than lack of fundamentals.

Against this backdrop, daughter got a stress fracture in her foot and had to sit for about eight weeks. It was a good time to be out because we didn't miss much. She was cleared to play in time for a tournament this weekend. We were probably the weakest team in our pool, but thought we'd do okay.

When we started playing, I noticed that one of the dads was now coaching first base and in the dugout. I asked about it, and was told that he started helping out about the same time we started rehabbing. Then I watched with increasing dismay. Dad was a train-wreck. He yelled at the girls in the dugout and after games. Even worse, he showed his rear during the games. There was a bang-bang play to end the inning at home plate involving his daughter, and he ran up on the umpire yelling about obstruction. In a later game, he went crazy when his daughter was called out at first.

All of this led to grumbling between the parents. One of the pitcher's dad says he's so upset that they're thinking of pulling out of the team. We had two new players whose parents seemed horrified. The girls appear to have developed cliques, and there's no cohesion in the dugout. Errors galore in the field (which I sincerely think is related to the drama). Add to this the fact that his instruction is just bad. He criticized my daughter for throwing from her knees (after a block) and I heard him telling other players to "swing up on the ball." His daughter has a "scoop" at the bottom of her swing because of this advice.

We've gone from a no-drama team with tons of potential to a sloppy team that's about to fall apart. I trace it all back to the morale problems of putting this dad on the other side of the fence. I've spoken to the coach about it, but if he doesn't get rid of daddy-coach, I'm not sure what we're going to do.

Advice or helpful war stories would be appreciated.
 
Apr 28, 2014
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We've been fortunate for the most part with coaching. During 12's we had a young woman leading DDs team. She was good coach from an X's and O's perspective but just wasn't mature enough to deal with the rigors of a long schedule. She ultimately lost it and had a confrontation at a tournament with a parent. It was a mess. But a few learnings that I can share. First it's obvious to you that there is a problem but check with a few other parents to get their point of view. I would just ask, "what is your opinion on the weekend?" Keep it simple and see what their feedback sounds like. The reason I would start there would be to gain a few allies in this. If 3-4 sets of parents feel the same way then approaching the coach together will be much more effective. I have coached, assistant coached and bench coached. I can say that at any time if any parent thought I was being hard on a kid I would want to be the first to know about it so I could back off and ask another coach to help that kid. On a final note I would suggest that you address it quickly before the spring season starts. Burying the problem only allows it to grow and makes it worst. If you decided to leave you should still address the problem so that the kids who are not leaving can benefit by any resolution. I hope your DD's foot has fully recovered.
 
Oct 4, 2018
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Perhaps more parents need to approach HC about it. If he/she hears about it from 1 parent, they'll probably not do much. Hear from 5-6 parents, they'll act.
 
Feb 26, 2018
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We had a somewhat similar issue last year. Both of the AC's were parents and thought they knew how to coach. The only reason they were coaching was because our HC came in without assistants. Neither one of them got along with each other and it made for a very awkward and tense situation in the dugout. I know because I was in there doing GameChanger or keeping book. Eventually the situation between the coaches boiled over in the middle of a game when our HC was over at another field. It was pretty embarrassing and one eventually pulled his DD from the team and the other wasn't asked back on the team because of all the issues and drama her and her DD brought. It's difficult to walk the line because you don't want to tell your DD not to listen to a coach, but if they're teaching them things incorrectly, you have to say something to your DD. It's frustrating when a HC seems oblivious to what is going on right in front of his face, I've been there. It may take a group of parents to speak to him and voice their concerns if anything is going to change.
 
Jul 29, 2016
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Perhaps more parents need to approach HC about it. If he/she hears about it from 1 parent, they'll probably not do much. Hear from 5-6 parents, they'll act.

In our situation, I know that at least three sets of parents have now expressed their concerns. Since I posted this, our team manager has called for a mandatory parents' meeting. Makes me a little nervous, though, because it seems like a possible powder-keg. The problem here is if the "wrong" one or two players leave, the team will essentially disintegrate.
 
Jun 12, 2015
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Keeping a team balanced and mostly happy is so hard. DD joined a team in 1st year 10U that seemed great when we joined. Everyone mostly got along, liked the coaches, etc. Within a month or two of us joining, it was like everything imploded. Not related to us, we were pretty happy overall. But a couple of parents started to complain about playing time, the AC's daddy ball got worse and worse, some major cliques formed with girls being bullied. I was shocked at how fast it got ugly. I have no idea how you turn that kind of thing around, outside of just getting rid of the toxic element. Sometimes, it gets so bad you can't even tell who that is anymore.
 
Jun 1, 2015
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This is EXACTLY I would rather run EVERYTHING by myself than take on ONE parent to help coach my team. Not because I'm possessive, but because as a HC with no kids at all, I can't be blamed for biases whatsoever. I've had parents confront me before about their kids' playing time and other matters - I always direct them, "Speak to me after practice or at a time outside of practice where cooler heads can prevail". Sometimes it's worked, sometimes it's not, and I have zero regrets about parents who have left in a huff over their kid not getting the playing time they felt they deserve. In some cases, it's better to cut your losses and leave before the implosion causes 1 more casualty than you wish it did. But if you must have a meeting, being VERY frank and providing EVIDENCE (in the form of examples, dates, times, exact quotes) of situations will give your case more credibility than sounding like a crybaby not happy with someone being tough on the team.
 
Dec 15, 2012
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This a toxic situation that will not help your daughter develop or get recruited. Personally I would rather lose 15-0 than look like a bunch of yahoos. If situation does not improve, I would recommend finding another organization. Life is too short to deal with drama.
 
Jul 29, 2016
231
43
This is EXACTLY I would rather run EVERYTHING by myself than take on ONE parent to help coach my team. Not because I'm possessive, but because as a HC with no kids at all, I can't be blamed for biases whatsoever.

This was what our coach had. He was running everything, and there was a team manager/mom who did the organizational stuff. There was another dad who helped, but totally deferred on all issues to HC. It was a tightly run ship. Now this....
 

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