Newsflash....15 year old girls are confusing to an adult man

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Tom

Mar 13, 2014
222
0
Texas
I need some thoughts and input...especially from you female coaches/players/parents out there who have been through this yourself.

My DD is 15 and has aspirations to play in college and beyond. She wants to play for a major DI who has a chance to make it to OKC, but is realistic about the chances and has kept her reasons for choosing universities focused primarily on academics. She currently plays on an 18U team that plays nationally and does a majority of the big showcase tournaments. Some schools have shown interest in her (ranging from the smaller NAIA to a couple P5). I can cautiously say that there are several who at least know who she is and will hopefully be engaging with her when rules permit. I believe she truly loves to play and is doing the things needed to through her own desire (maintaining high grades, practice, training, diet, studying, etc.). She does all of these things on her own without having to be prompted which tells me she has the personal desire and passion to do this. She also understands how grueling the recruiting process is (and will be) and that the effort required in a college of that level will be even greater.

However, this weekend she broke down and said that she never gets to do things with her friends and misses a lot because of softball. She also said it seems everything she does is for the future and not the present. This was the first confusing part since she seems to love playing now with her team, the traveling and everything about the game and is involved with several activities that are non-softball related. The main thing that prompted this was that she was offered a role in the school play she wanted and turned it down because it would conflict with 2 major showcases that coaches have said they are coming to watch her play in. She did turn this down on her own and her mother and I didn't hear about it until after the fact when she was upset. I believe she (we) have been good about scheduling times (especially weekends) off during a season so that she has the freedom to do what she wants and just be a HS kid (movies, homecoming, dances hanging out, slumber parties etc.). I do try to get her to shut down softball (except for once a week short hitting sessions and college camps) between Dec and Feb. During this time she gets involved with Winter school activities.

My question is this: should I try to explore this further and get her to open up about this more, or just leave it alone, stay supportive and chalk it up to being 15 years old and something that she just needed to vent about?

Thanks
 
Jul 16, 2018
120
18
Personally I don’t think missing the showcase is a big deal. The coaches know shes young so theres lots of time left.

But Im also the last person you probably want to take advice from considering my thread I posted.


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Nov 25, 2012
1,437
83
USA
Good post and relevent to many including myself. DD1 is 16, has a car, tons of friends both softball and not softball. Missed homecoming a couple times, dances, etc. etc. She realizes it is part of dedication herself to a sport. However, this last year it is becoming harder for her. She is finding her independence and it doesn't always include softball. She loves her travel team and really enjoys being with them at tournaments but doesn't want to give up the other stuff she has over the years. She wants to be a KID and do some KID things that she hasn't been able to do.

So it is a fine line right now for us and frankly it is one I am letting her lead (at least to a point). She can play in college has had coaches ask, invite her to camps, come see her, etc. but not sure that is where her interest is anymore. Some days it is but others it is not. I am A-okay with that and letting the process figure itself out.

I think many kids probably fall into this and it has to be natural. Perhaps her love for softball isn't as strong as her love for doing other things. Time will tell and wherever her heart leads her will likely be the place she needs to be. Of course, the parental guidance continues to try and lead her, but it has to feel right for her.

Good luck Tom and you are not alone.
 
Last edited:
Apr 28, 2016
81
8
We don’t do softball to try to get recruited and our schedule reflects that, so I don’t have much experience with the demands she is facing. . . But I have a teenage girl and I was a teenage girl once upon a time.

There are so many things that are important to girls this age. If she is seeing her friends become closer with other people who are available when she isn’t, or if she is seeing friends get into relationships with boys (something she almost certainly wants no matter what she may say to the contrary), then she may be reacting to some of that. It may or may not really be about the play.

Yes, I think you should talk to her at a time when you are both calm. Don’t expect her to be logical. Don’t try to beat her over the head with logic—trust me, it will backfire. Try to understand what she is saying and ask her what she wants to do to help the situation. She may say she hates missing out on things but wants to stay the course—she may just need to get it out and to know that you understand.


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Feb 13, 2018
162
28
Maybe she can take a smaller part in the play to where she can still be there...maybe help with costumes or lighting, makeup? That way she can be part of the process even though she can't be there on the actual play night.
 
Jul 14, 2018
982
93
I need some thoughts and input...especially from you female coaches/players/parents out there who have been through this yourself.

My question is this: should I try to explore this further and get her to open up about this more, or just leave it alone, stay supportive and chalk it up to being 15 years old and something that she just needed to vent about?

Thanks

One more great life lesson that comes from playing sports, and a practice-intensive sport like softball in particular: Sometimes in life, we've got to make tough choices. As hard as it can be to look on as a concerned parent, remember that sports/activities/HS relationships offer low-stakes opportunities for our kids to make tough choices, make mistakes, and find out that it's never the end of the world.

Be there to offer advice when asked, and if she announces that she's forgoing spring ball to be in the play, tell her how much you'd love to see her on stage. The fact that she knew that there are college coaches coming to see her and that skipping the play was the right thing to do, even if it hurts, shows that she's got a good head on her shoulders. You should be proud.
 

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