Newsflash....15 year old girls are confusing to an adult man

I'm with the other folks saying let it play, but I'm especially reiterating what Rick M said. This is a HUGE life lesson. As adults, how often do we have to fore go that trip with our spouse we've wanted so long because of work or name any other thing we so badly want because we instead need to spend the money/time on something else. This is LIFE and we all weigh our needs vs wants accordingly. That's something you should really sit down and discuss with your DD. Mine is often in a similar situation. She's a little "different", and honestly has zero friends in softball. One of her few friends is having her birthday party this weekend and she REALLY wants to go. However, her team is playing. There is no saying, "I'm skipping the tournament for my friend's b'day party." HOWEVER, this is, "Why don't you two connect Friday evening instead?" We'll pick her up, then go to a movie or whatever you want. THAT, is life, plain and simple. Renegotiate what you can, suck it up and live with it when you can't.

You mention your DD questioning the future versus the present with regards to benefit. It sounds like your DD has a good head on her shoulders and is making the necessary tough decisions when it comes to softball and her current social life situation. It might help if she saw some of the actual costs when it come to a college education. My DD graduated in 2008. Back then her scholarship saved us over $80K. I haven't looked at tuition costs lately, but I'm sure they've increased greatly in the last 11 years and will continue to do so. My DD graduated with no student loan debt and paid for car. We covered what her scholarship didn't to help reward her for giving up so much to play ball and get her education paid for with her scholarship money.

If she saw what the monthly payments would be to repay $120K - $160K or more in loans it can make the present situation more palatable when she sees another possible future.

I know my DD is as cheap as they come. There's a steel cage around her purse. Her sister OTOH... She has two holes in the bottom of her purse.

I think we're going through something similar with DD, who just turned 15 last week and is a freshman. She has, for the past several years, always said that she wants to play in college. She's been moving up the ladder from rec to B-ball to what I would call a "real" A-level team this year. She finally made it where she wants to be and now she is waffling about college ball. The thing that seems to have really caused a 180 is that she wants to be a Counselor in Training at the summer camp she's attended for the past 5 summers. These kids are required to stay at camp for three consecutive weeks. Well, we've already got our projected summer schedule and there is no 3-week period she can be away. Not if she wants to go to CO and whatever Nationals they make. She's got to make a choice.

My frustration with her is not so much that she keeps changing her mind (she's 15; I expect that), but that there will come a point where it is too late if she decides last minute she DOES want to play in college. She is aware of what she needs to be doing at this stage if she wants to be recruited, but she's not doing it. And I'm willing to help her with it, but I'm not willing to do it for her. When is the point of no return? At what stage will it be too late? She may change her mind 6 more times before Sept. 1 of her junior year.

I had three DDs, two of whom played college sports at a high level.

Make sure that she knows that you heard her. You aren't agreeing with her. You aren't disagreeing with her. But, you need to make sure she knows that you understand her feelings.

Tom said:

However, this weekend she broke down and said that she never gets to do things with her friends and misses a lot because of softball. She also said it seems everything she does is for the future and not the present.

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She is 75% correct. There is no question she makes sacrifices free time to play softball. "Never" and "everything" etc. are, of course, exaggerations.

But, she is saying that she wants to do something other than just play softball 24x7.

And, she should be allowed to do it.

My suggestion: Help her find something else to do other than play sports.

The main thing that prompted this was that she was offered a role in the school play she wanted and turned it down because it would conflict with 2 major showcases that coaches have said they are coming to watch her play in. She did turn this down on her own and her mother and I didn't hear about it until after the fact when she was upset.

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What I am about to say as a parent who has been through the whole "college sports" twice may not make any sense to you, but here it is: She should have taken the role in the school play and skipped the major showcases.

In 10 years when it is all over and she is working, it would have been nice to have a picture of her in the school play.

Life is way too short and her teenage years are too precious to drop other school activities just to swing a piece of metal at a green ball.

Does she do band? Choir? What else does she do?

I believe she (we) have been good about scheduling times (especially weekends) off during a season so that she has the freedom to do what she wants and just be a HS kid (movies, homecoming, dances hanging out, slumber parties etc.).

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At her age, you should be getting out of deciding when and whether she plays softball. Her spare time is hers. She is old enough to understand the consequences of her decisions.

Your days of micromanaging her schedule need to end.

I do try to get her to shut down softball (except for once a week short hitting sessions and college camps) between Dec and Feb. During this time she gets involved with Winter school activities.

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There are no school activities between December and February.

When I first read your post, I was sympathetic. But, the whole post suggests that you've structured her entire life around softball. If so, she is not doing herself justice.

My DD has been in HS theater going on 4 years. She has a play/musical in fall and the spring. The only thing she doesn't do is the UIL competition or travel for their "nationals" event. She played basketball her freshman year and that was a doozy in the fall. She no longer plays bball even though she could play Varsity. There are some things that take priority. Theater events take precedent over a showcase. So she misses a few games on Saturday. No big deal.

I would try to find a way to make both work as it looks good on the college app as lots of extra curricular boxes will be checked. Btw, make sure you/DD document all EC and volunteer hours!

Thanks all for your thoughts and input. Does seem to have been just blowing off some steam. I should have added in the original post that she did take a secondary part in the play and will be doing set design. She is also on the swim team, member of NHS, has started her own annual philanthropic event and is member of two social clubs so she's into a lot more than just softball. She will also be part of the Winter musical which works out great. Definitely a kid that needs to be reigned in instead of pushed. She wants to try it all I guess; which I suppose is a good thing but have to be cautious she isn't trying to do too much. One of my favorite quotes has always been "you never really know what you want until you get it and see if you like it" which may apply to her.