New girl/jealousy

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May 18, 2009
1,314
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DD has a new teammate that makes the team better. The girls are pecking at her behind the scenes. This girl was my DD’s best friend’s best friend 6 years ago, moved, so I see why my DD is jealous. The girl is better than 2 other players so I see why those girls are jealous.

New player is looking for acceptance through my DD. My DD is getting defensive when I bring the situation up. My DD pitches and new girl is a stud catcher. She makes my DD better.

Any advice on how to handle 14 year old teen girls and the social matters like this?
 
Oct 3, 2009
372
18
DD has a new teammate that makes the team better. The girls are pecking at her behind the scenes. This girl was my DD’s best friend’s best friend 6 years ago, moved, so I see why my DD is jealous. The girl is better than 2 other players so I see why those girls are jealous.

New player is looking for acceptance through my DD. My DD is getting defensive when I bring the situation up. My DD pitches and new girl is a stud catcher. She makes my DD better.

Any advice on how to handle 14 year old teen girls and the social matters like this?

My DD pitches and back when she played travel if a new catcher joined the team she would ask if she wanted to catch her pitching lessons and practice. This is not to the exclusion of any other catchers but invite her specifically to come. And then go get something to eat together. Invite the catcher over to the house again not to the exclusion but specifically have her over for a bbq whatever. Let them get to know and appreciate each other. In my experience any pitcher worth their salt will appreciate a great catcher and that will trump the other stuff.

With the catcher graduating that caught my DD the last two years she went to Philadelphia to hang out with the likely catcher for next year. While the plan was to throw and workout together based on social media, not sure how much of that plan was executed but they definitely had a good time. It is all chemistry as you know and sometimes you just have to prime the pump when they are younger and hopefully it becomes natural as they get older. And even more ideally they take this life skill into their adulthood. Hope this helps.

Andy
 
Feb 13, 2018
162
28
I wish I had advice....I have a long fuse but when it comes to snarky behavior and "mean girls" nothing infuriates faster. I haven't had to deal with that behavior yet....but maybe telling your daughter that regardless of how the other girls act, you expect her to always show respect and empathy to people, even though it doesn't mean she will always like them. Being a new person on the team she should be setting a good example and trying to welcome her instead of talking about her with her other teammates behind her back. And, personally I would tell my DD in this situation until she learns to be nice she will go to school, practice, and have zero social life until she learns how to treat people. But we have a zero tolerance for that kind of behavior.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,132
113
Dallas, Texas
Any advice on how to handle 14 year old teen girls and the social matters like this?

This is a life lesson. This is the kind of stuff that really differentiates athletes from everyone else. And, she has to learn how to *LEAD*. This is a great opportunity to reach something much more important than how to throw a curve ball. This is universal problem. How do you get along with someone at work your might not like or your co-workers might not like?

1) She needs to understand that she is on a TB team to play softball and win games, not to hang out with her "besties". She wants players on her team who help the *TEAM* play better, so that the TEAM can win more games.
2) It is a cruel world. Coaches are always trying to find someone better. She has to get used to it. And, she has to understand that if she underperforms, she can be replaced as well.
3) She also needs to understand what "respect" for her peers mean.

There are lots of people who she may not like. But, she needs to respect them as human beings, and she has to respect what they are.

Tell her stories from your work experience and how you get along with people you may not like at work.

And then, explain to her "why" you try to get along with people at work. Get into specifics...you need these people to do your job. Some people have skills or know something that makes them important to the business.
 
Last edited:
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
I agree that you teach your DD to lead by example. Maybe remind her of their old friendship, as well as of times when she first joined a team (or any other already established group) and felt left out. Simple kindness wins the day. And a stud catcher is going to be invaluable for the team. They should be welcoming her with open arms. I would say it's time for a team bonding experience off the field (one of those Escape the Room type deals or a day at the lake) to help them come together before the season begins.
 
Apr 23, 2014
389
43
East Jabib
The best is when the parents are snarky because new players join the team that obviously make the team better but they can’t accept the change. As you get older, especially if you’re talking National level teams, it’s less about keeping a team together because you like the girls personally and it’s more about what players make the team better. Speaking for a friend...


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