Grades and travel ball

We're not punitive in our parenting style so it's not likely we'd take away softball (or anything else) for poor grades. We would probably sit down together and figure out why the grades were suffering and come up with a plan to get back on track, hopefully that included softball.

Fort83 said:

My DD is 11 and I set the bar at nothing below an 80% comes home on a report card. With that said I have talked with my ex-wife about it and she thinks whatever she gets is fine. It is a really hard spot to be in but I did make her sit out a tournament due to her getting 2 C's on her mid-term report card. I talked with the coach (we don't get along anymore) about it and informed her that school comes first and if her grades are down she has to sit. DD, ex-wife, and coach hated the decision but my DD's grades were back to upper B's in those areas at the end of the year. I saw a more focused kid working on homework, and the reports from the teacher were much better about class involvement.

I know it is a tough spot for a parent to be put in and an even worse spot for the player but you have to set the rules early and follow them. Just my opinion but one I stick by.

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I say stick by your opinion, its too important.

Luckily DW and I are on the same page, and we picked the 80% threshold as well.

My DD has missed scrimmages for not doing weekly homework assignments, which has only happened two times in two years. I don't know if it was luck, but she never missed an assignment the week before a tournament. Anything below an 80% on a test, she must attend the extra help sessions in school until the next test. If she came home with C's on a mid-term report card, it would be many practices and more than one tournament she missed.

Too many TB coaches focus on getting kids into the best school possible, rather than the school where they belong. It is all about their ego, not the best interests of the kid. They want to be seen at the big showcases and have it on their schedules. One program in Central Florida is notorious for this. They regularly get kids into ACC and SEC schools where they are done and back at LocalU after a year or they languish on the pine for their career because they can't hit their weight. The school you get into is not nearly as important as what you do once you are there.

riseball said:

Too many TB coaches focus on getting kids into the best school possible, rather than the school where they belong. It is all about their ego, not the best interests of the kid. They want to be seen at the big showcases and have it on their schedules. One program in Central Florida is notorious for this. They regularly get kids into ACC and SEC schools where they are done and back at LocalU after a year or they languish on the pine for their career because they can't hit their weight. The school you get into is not nearly as important as what you do once you are there.

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Yes! I get so frustrated when I hear parents on our 14u team talking about kids that commited to a mid major D1 and putting them down for their choices! I hear "They are good enough to go SEC/ACC, so why settle for XYZ college?" Because every kid is different, has different career goals, wants to actually PLAY in college vs. worrying about being on TV enough or bragging that they are going to the big SEC school. My DD's top three schools are one Sunbelt mid-major D1, one SEC school, and one ACC school. They all have a program that she thinks she wants to major in and one really likes to recruit from her organization. We have been pushed to go out to California and Oklahoma for the past two years, but our HC/DH is putting it off until at least second year 14u.

OP- Our team is full of 3.5-4.0 students. Academics are a big thing for us, and we ensure the kids know that coaches look for grades before they will even think about offering. If the grades are falling, we would definitely take some action. But I don't know if it would be ball related at first. Phone, sleep-overs, parties, that kind of stuff would go first. And she would know that softball was last resort, but she would be letting the team down if that happened. Hopefully it would motivate her to fix it! I don't think we would take away a big nationals trip or something like that. You have made a commitment to the team and shouldn't punish them because of her grades slipping (within reason of course).

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If you kid is failing to keep up with their obligations, set proper priorities, and make good choices and your solution is to pull them out of softball you are have no clue what is going on in their life. IMHO that is pretty weak parenting. Often the problem is at home, not at the field. For many kids it is only at the field where they are required to be highly disciplined and held accountable. Often these kids have parents that consider their kids "best friends".

I think you buried the lead in this story.

The social media and being on her phone is probably a bigger issue then the sports she plays. If you don't take the cross country trip to the showcase, will that change the time she spends on her phone? My dd played 3 HS sports, traveled for softball and played in the band in HS. For those who don't know, band includes not only playing at football games, pep rallies, concerts, after school practice, weekly summer practices at the school and a week long camp. Time wise It may as well be another sport.

Its not the sports that are keeping your dd from focusing on her school work. You (she) needs to decide whats more important, being socially connected and honing her snapchat filter skills or school. Its not softball.

edit to ad: a student with a 3.5 for 7 semesters and a 2.8 for one, will lower her gpa to 3.4ish. Its not the end of the world to have one mediocre semester. But you can't let it continue if GPA is important to you.

I have 2 daughters. One approaches everything in life 110% and we never really had to pay too much attention to her school work. The other one - getting her to do something that doesn't interest her is like pushing string. Softball has been one thing that she does care about and I wouldn't make her stop because I know that the lack of focus on school work isn't because she is spending too much time on the field.

This isn't really a response to the original question...just an observance...

DD has always been a very diligent student. She just finished 8th grade (yes I know...a lot will change - I do have older kids so have been down this path before - lol) She has decided to attend high school at a new school where she will be enrolled in a very rigorous academic program (her older brother did this program and it is challenging...but she is very driven and I have confidence she will be ok). She also played 3 middle schools sports and 2 club sports last year while maintaining very high grades.

Anyway...the incoming freshmen had to work a softball camp for 6-13 years olds this week with the upper classmen. I stayed around to help with registration and lunch. During one very hot point in the day only the freshmen were out on the field with the younger kids. The upperclassmen were all under the shade tents with the parent volunteers. I was shocked - like jaw dropping shocked - at how many of them are taking summer school to make up for failed classes last year (mostly math). I would say there were at least 10 out of the 15 girls retaking math because they got Ds or below. Now I know softball is a fall sport here, so no one was talking about academic probation in HS but still...At least 2 of the girls who failed math are signed to D1 schools (not top D1 but still) ... I know one of the girls who was laughing about having 2 Fs and 1 D and the rest Cs plays for a travel team out of state and flies every weekend to go play with them. This just seems crazy to me! If my DD was failing, she would not be travelling out of state to play every weekend.

I know for us academics come firs

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