Perils of TB

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Jul 15, 2016
115
18
The unfortunate side of TB. Im sure we have all experienced it at some point and to some degree. Ill spare everyone the details but it comes down to this...having the best intentions and a decent moral compass only sets you up to be burned. Wanting to provide a quality environment, instruction, and atmosphere for the girls gets a little less important to some parents when there are others out there waving shiny hardware filled promises around. The amount of underhandedness, back channeling, and otherwise shady behavior has become astounding. When did winning become more important than all else? When did going back on your word become the norm? When did every parent start to believe that their kid at 10, 11, 12 years old was destined for a full ride and a starting position to a top 5 school? I completely understand wanting the best for your child, but how about a little reality check from time to time? Last year, a coach told me “TB is full of liars and thieves.” I didn’t pay it much mind at the time but now that I have become much more involved in the inner workings…unfortunately, he was right. Sorry for the rant
 
Apr 28, 2014
2,316
113
Like anything else it's a business. One thing that we (family) learned when DD was 13. We had her tryout at the best org in our area. That day we saw a 14 year old throwing north of 65 mph. At that very moment we knew our DD would never pitch in the SEC. No one going forward would be able to sell me on the idea that my DD was ever gonna be a good as that kid.
Prior to that moment I would have believed anything anyone would tell me as long as it had my DD going to a top 5 school. I don't think I am alone in that regard. I call it perspective. Some parents get it at 13 others at 18.. I suspect the longer it takes the more it hurts. That lack of perspective leads to parents being open to anyone willing to sell them a dream, no matter how outlandish it may seem. And as a parent you need to see it, live and then you understand.
Now don't get me wrong my DD wants to play D1 and several coaches told her when she was young that she would never pitch etc. So there is a certain level of dreaming that needs to occur. But when you combine greed with out of touch parents crazy things happen :)
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
I've seen more arguing between parents and umps, coaches and umps and coaches and parents in my DD's first year of TB then I did the in decade plus of baseball that I played. In particular parents and umps. If it wasn't so ridiculous it would be comical....
 

obbay

Banned
Aug 21, 2008
2,199
0
Boston, MA
Not TB but a friend of mine was an ump who did someone a favor, umping some games on fathers day when he couldve been home with his family. At the end of a long day, a guy came up as he was heading for the parking lot and asked him a question about the strike zone. He answered and then the guy went off on a tirade about not being able to find the strike zone with a map, etc.
Parents!

Its what Sue Enquist refers to as “the bottom third”. They always try to get you on your way to the parking lot.
 
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
There are a couple of guys I know who each have a son and each have a daughter. Their sons are the same age so they got to know each other through baseball. Their daughters are about the same age, so they coached both baseball and softball together.

One of them told me he thinks the softball world is MUCH worse than the baseball world. Since my son never played baseball, I really can't say if this is true or not.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
Travel ball is full of liars, creeps, and crooks. That's my own conclusion drawn about four years ago, and unless you choose to ignore them, they're not hard to spot. Even under the best of situations, being on a youth sports team is a series of compromises with the often disparate goals and quirky personalities of coaches, players, and parents. It's been an education for someone who spent a career in a profession surrounded by well educated people from similar backgrounds usually all pulling in the same direction and without drama.

As the OP noted, youth sports is also filled with unrealistic expectations, and as a result, parents make decisions that are poor in the short and long run. For some, working for a spot on a college roster makes sense, particularly when ability is exceptional and family financial resources are modest. However, too often, players of decent but unexceptional ability are sold on the "goal" of playing college ball without nearly as much thought about the "goal" of getting an education that will land a job that might lead to some prosperity. Call me crazy, but as a kid, I looked at sports, HS, and college as steps in the process to my ultimate goal. Now, I know of "all state" HS ball players who earned athletic scholarships, went and did well as a college player, and are now earning $12 an hour as young adults. I'd really like to see a study of college-level softball players and how they fared during and after college.

I know my DD likes the idea of playing college ball, but her academic capability and my resources say that she'll probably go to a university where she wouldn't have a prayer of making the softball roster, nor would I necessarily want her diverting so much time to a varsity sport. Consequently, she plays without us fretting about being on the best possible team, going to the most expensive showcases, or getting invited to the most prestigious camps. I tell her that she can continue to play some type of ball for many years to come, but she should play every fastpitch tournament like it's going to be her last, because one day in the not-too-distant future, she is sure to be right. I'm proud to say that, whenever she steps onto the field, her effort and performance is at least equal to, and often surpasses those who have the singular goal of being a college player. THAT is what makes my "compromises" in dealing with people who I might otherwise avoid very much worth it.
 
Last edited:
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
Travel ball is full of liars, creeps, and crooks. That's my own conclusion drawn about four years ago, and unless you choose to ignore them, they're not hard to spot. Even under the best of situations, being on a youth sports team is a series of compromises with the often disparate goals and quirky personalities of coaches, players, and parents. It's been an education for someone who spent a career in a profession surrounded by well educated people from similar backgrounds usually all pulling in the same direction and without drama.

As the OP noted, youth sports is also filled with unrealistic expectations, and as a result, parents make decisions that are poor in the short and long run. For some, working for a spot on a college roster makes sense, particularly when ability is exceptional and family financial resources are modest. However, too often, players of decent but unexceptional ability are sold on the "goal" of playing college ball without nearly as much thought about the "goal" of getting an education that will land a job that might lead to some prosperity. Call me crazy, but as a kid, I looked at sports, HS, and college as steps in the process to my ultimate goal. Now, I know of "all state" HS ball players who earned athletic scholarships, went and did well as a college player, and are now earning $12 an hour as young adults. I'd really like to see a study of college-level softball players and how they fared during and after college.

I know my DD likes the idea of playing college ball, but her academic capability and my resources say that she'll probably go to a university where she wouldn't have a prayer of making the softball roster, nor would I necessarily want her diverting so much time to a varsity sport. Consequently, she plays without us fretting about being on the best possible team, going to the most expensive showcases, or getting invited to the most prestigious camps. I tell her that she can continue to play some type of ball for many years to come, but she should play every fastpitch tournament like it's going to be her last, because one day in the not-too-distant future, she is sure to be right. I'm proud to say that, whenever she steps onto the field, her effort and performance is at least equal to, and often surpasses those who have the singular goal of being a college player. THAT is what makes my "compromises" in dealing with people who I might otherwise avoid very much worth it.

A number of parents on this forum are big fans of D-III sports, where the kids really are student athletes.

My DS went to a D-III school that has both a great mechanical engineering department, and a great D-III rowing program. He made D-I nationals in his sophomore and senior years (bad weather cancelled the last race of his college career, when his boat was a strong favorite to win the D finals and take 19th place). Of the 4 rowers plus a coxswain on his senior boat, all were engineering students, and 4 of the 5 were ME. He shared an apartment with two ME teammates. The 3 of them took all their classes together, worked on the same senior project together, and competed together.

It was great for them, but this is NOT for everyone. Not a lot of honors graduates on his team. They generally did well enough to graduate in 4 years, which is fantastic for an engineering school, but they weren't able to excel in sports and athletics at the same time. SOME people do this. They didn't. One of the top students in the college also set the season record for points scored in women's basketball, and also did volleyball and track.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
It was great for them, but this is NOT for everyone. Not a lot of honors graduates on his team. They generally did well enough to graduate in 4 years, which is fantastic for an engineering school, but they weren't able to excel in sports and athletics at the same time. SOME people do this. They didn't. One of the top students in the college also set the season record for points scored in women's basketball, and also did volleyball and track.

I've mentioned this before, but it can be done but the student-athlete has to be able to find a balance. You cannot expect to be the first to practice and the last one to leave and also be the kid who stays in the library the longest. I was probably good enough in both sports and academics that I could have done well in both but my personality at the time was such that I couldn't handle not being the hardest worker in both the field and classroom.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
A number of parents on this forum are big fans of D-III sports, where the kids really are student athletes.

My DS went to a D-III school that has both a great mechanical engineering department, and a great D-III rowing program. He made D-I nationals in his sophomore and senior years (bad weather cancelled the last race of his college career, when his boat was a strong favorite to win the D finals and take 19th place). Of the 4 rowers plus a coxswain on his senior boat, all were engineering students, and 4 of the 5 were ME. He shared an apartment with two ME teammates. The 3 of them took all their classes together, worked on the same senior project together, and competed together.

It was great for them, but this is NOT for everyone. Not a lot of honors graduates on his team. They generally did well enough to graduate in 4 years, which is fantastic for an engineering school, but they weren't able to excel in sports and athletics at the same time. SOME people do this. They didn't. One of the top students in the college also set the season record for points scored in women's basketball, and also did volleyball and track.

I know some here have found success at DIII, and I would consider that if there was one nearby that offered the right academic and softball mix, but I don't know of any at this point. A friend sent his soccer playing DD to a DIII school some 2,500 miles away from home because it was the only school that offered her a chance to play. She lasted a year on the team, three semesters at the school, and then basically started over at another university MUCH closer to home. She spent 5.5 years and tens of thousands more than necessary to become a school teacher. That lesson, along with my personal experience, shapes my thinking here.
 

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