Travel Ball Team dilemma

Looking for some feedback on DD's current TB team situation.

TEAM- 12U, high level A (heading to National Championships in St. Louis this July)
No comparable Team in the area

COACH- +Around 30 years experience with many players making it to the college level
+Excellent knowledge, quality practices, girls are learning and improving
+No daughter on the team
+Committed to the team through high school
--Extremely intense, a yeller (I generally don't have a problem with this)
--Intensity is mostly negative with occasional melt downs
--Very little Positive intensity and definitely way overshadowed by negativity
--As intensity ramps up in close games, girls play tight (which leads to even more intensity)
--Not open to constructive criticism (been doing it for 30yrs, not going to change)

TEAMMATES- Somewhat clicky, not super cohesive
One of the top players (#1 pitcher) is a bad teammate
-looks down at other players (makes crappy comments and not friendly)
-gets constant praise from the Coach and coach compares other players to her

So, I feel like if my DD stays with the team, she will continue to improve, play lots of quality ball and probably have a good chance of playing in college. BUT if she stays, she may lose her desire to play altogether. If we had another team option, we would definitely be looking into it, but unfortunately not.

Not sure how to get DD to ignore Coach's negative traits and focus on good teammates, herself, and potential future.

If she plays long enough, she's going to play for bad coaches and play with divas. That's the nature of the game. Having said that, for my family, happiness/enjoyment of the experience will always trump level of competition. No situation is 100% perfect, but there are really good teams and really good coaches and really good families out there if you can find them.

If she's good enough, and you do all the work on your end, the college coaches will find her as long as you're playing in tournaments that they will attend. Make sure you're going to camps at the school's she is interested in! This may not be true if you're DD wants to play big time (SEC, PAC 12, etc) college ball.

Just my opinion. Others may disagree.

IMHO, your DD should stick it out.

Not sure how to get DD to ignore Coach's negative traits and focus on good teammates, herself, and potential future.

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So, this is an opportunity to teach a life lesson to your DD. She will face the same situation in other settings throughout her life.

Sometimes we end up at a job where co-workers aren't great (or at a family reunion where the relatives aren't great). How does a responsible adult handle that situation?

An adult doesn't "check out" in that situation...they do good work, they perform to best of their ability, and then, at the appropriate time they say, "So long!".

And the other side to it is that your DD's softball career is short and there is no reason to suffer through a situation when you don't have to (travel vs school ball). While softball can teach you life lessons it certainly isn't necessary.

Personally I would not enable that coach.

Play our your current committment and then move on, even if it means a downgrade in coaching/competition. Life is too short to put up with a situation like that. If it were an adult in an employment situation they for sure would be looking for other opportunities.

How does your daughter feel about the coach? Does it bother her that he's a yeller, so negative, and promotes one player over all others? Does it bother her to be called out by this teammate? If not, it's probably not an issue. Or at least a big one.

If it does bother her, however, she will always be looking her over shoulder, which is the wrong way to be facing when you're playing softball.

Another test is if you take the softball context out of it and put it into a work context instead. Great company, bad boss, one co-worker who makes life miserable for everyone else. Would you stay, or would you be spending every available moment to find another job? I know I'd be doing the latter.

Life is too short, and as Gunner said a softball career is even shorter. Why spend it being unhappy? If you really want that level of competition in a better environment you may need to look further away than your comfort zone too. Otherwise you may have to settle for lesser competition/opportunity for now. Good thing is it's 12U and the recruiting rules just changed.

nbjohnson said:

Not sure how to get DD to ignore Coach's negative traits and focus on good teammates, herself, and potential future.

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I am guessing you are asking because your DD is not happy?

I am not a big believer in life lessons - it is still just a game and it is meant to be enjoyable. If it isn't enjoyable that probably isn't going to change and at some point she will either just quit, end up resenting that you made her stay or she will end up in a fight with the teammate causing issues. Even if you do believe in life lessons in 12U softball, that you are posting may mean that you are at the point where you have "done good work, performed to best of their ability, and then, at the appropriate time they say, "So long!". "

Despite there being very good local options, my DD has played the last year for a team based 3 1/2 hours away. She doesn't practice with them - she practices locally with another team she guests for, her HS team when in season and by herself. This is the first time she has had REAL friends on a team and they are a better team than any local option (but probably not by much). She is so much happier and enjoys her time with her team so much more. She is older than your DD - she made the move for 2nd year 14U.

These other team options sounds like a long way away, but if it is true that there is 'no local comparable' team, I am guessing you travel most weekends to go find comparable teams to play so if you are only turning up to play in the tournaments for the non-local team, you are ending up exactly where you were going to be playing anyway. These teams are all possible options for your DD if they are open to having a player from out of town. As you are probably moving into 14U next season, you and your DD could scout a few of these teams this season and talk to some coaches and parents to see if there is a fit. Stay with your current team through the end of this season as you consider options (including staying) which will be easier for your DD as she knows there are options for her and she isn't stuck in a situation she isn't enjoying. Knowing she isn't stuck could also be all she needs to re-focus - no one likes to have no options when they are in a situation they hate.

nbjohnson said:

Looking for some feedback on DD's current TB team situation.

TEAM- 12U, high level A (heading to National Championships in St. Louis this July)
No comparable Team in the area

COACH- +Around 30 years experience with many players making it to the college level
+Excellent knowledge, quality practices, girls are learning and improving
+No daughter on the team
+Committed to the team through high school
--Extremely intense, a yeller (I generally don't have a problem with this)
--Intensity is mostly negative with occasional melt downs
--Very little Positive intensity and definitely way overshadowed by negativity
--As intensity ramps up in close games, girls play tight (which leads to even more intensity)
--Not open to constructive criticism (been doing it for 30yrs, not going to change)

TEAMMATES- Somewhat clicky, not super cohesive
One of the top players (#1 pitcher) is a bad teammate
-looks down at other players (makes crappy comments and not friendly)
-gets constant praise from the Coach and coach compares other players to her

So, I feel like if my DD stays with the team, she will continue to improve, play lots of quality ball and probably have a good chance of playing in college. BUT if she stays, she may lose her desire to play altogether. If we had another team option, we would definitely be looking into it, but unfortunately not.

Not sure how to get DD to ignore Coach's negative traits and focus on good teammates, herself, and potential future.

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Forgive me, but I'm a bit cynical. What 12U national championships are in St Louis this July? I'm really only familiar with USA, USSSA and PGF. I'm not sure what other "high level" 12U A teams would be playing in.

The "college level" is a pretty wide net. What schools is he getting players to and are they graduating. Many organizations will have a player for a few tournaments and try to take credit for her making it to college. There's schools at every division that are so desperate for players a trained monkey could help get a girl recruited.

Unless you're in Alaska it shouldn't be hard to find a high level program within a few hours. Long distance can be a pain, but it can also be well worth it to get on the right team.

Whatever you decide I wish your DD the best of luck.

At 12 we put DD on a program led by a tyrant.
The first year was hard but.. now her HS coach is viewed by some as abrasive. She loves the guy because she understands why he pushes them so hard.. I vote for you to stay and use it as a teaching lesson.

MNDad said:

Forgive me, but I'm a bit cynical. What 12U national championships are in St Louis this July? I'm really only familiar with USA, USSSA and PGF. I'm not sure what other "high level" 12U A teams would be playing in..

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I think the Junior Olympic Cup.is in KC ...