DD puts so much pressure on herself

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May 15, 2016
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A comment [MENTION=938]Cannonball[/MENTION] said in the thread "The Moment of Truth",

"She loved the game but did not want anything to do with college ball. When she finally told her parents, it was like she fell even more in love with the high school experience. With no pressure on her, her stats improved and she became the team leader I though she should have been earlier. I talked to her this past summer and, for her, she made the right choice. She made the decision before she started to hate the game."

https://www.discussfastpitch.com/being-softball-parent/32935-moment-truth.html

Brought to mind that DD1 might be so pressuring herself so much, because she wants to play college ball, that she is getting in her own way. There are times she will start yelling at herself when she practices alone, or with me. She is a catcher, and when practicing throw downs, yells if she is not perfectly on target. She will get upset if she is not hitting well off the T. She gets upset with me that I cannot give her infield practice the way she wants it. Because of a disability I cannot swing a bat, and she starts blaming me that I cannot give her the infield practice she wants.

She plays well in games, but her coaches have told me she doesn't have the self confidence yet to really hit the ball with the potential they see in her.

As Cannonball said, "with no pressure, her stats improved." I am wondering how, and even if, I could help her find a way to take some of the pressure off of herself.

I believe I am putting as little pressure on her as I can. I let her decide if and when she wants to practice. I have told her many times, if tomorrow she gives up softball, it would be ok with me. I would miss it, but I would be fine.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Bob, I have to get ready to teach. If I have not come back and responded to this, send me a pm.
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
There is a fine line between pushing yourself to be the best you can be and and pushing yourself over the edge, unfortunately the line is different for everyone. Good luck with your DD and I am sure you can find someone who would be willing to hit fungo to your DD so she can practice her fielding skills. Worse case scenario pay a HS baseball player $10/hour to do it.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Minus the yelling at my Dad (that wouldn't have worked out too well for me) I was like your daughter when I played sports. It was a blessing and a curse. The blessing was that I pushed myself to do well. The curse was that eventually it prevented me from going any further than I did in sports because it no longer was fun at some point. I only played 1.5 years of baseball in college, because even though I was starting, the amount of pressure I put on myself made it not fun. I quit basketball in HS my sophomore year, even though I was 6th man on the varsity team for a very basketball oriented school ( https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fall-river-dreams-bill-reynolds/1100989051#/ ..not in the book as it was following the team the year after I quit...) for the same reason. A small part of the reason was outside expectations (my parents never pushed me to do anything and put no pressure at all..) of me based upon my families history. My uncle was a HS all-american in basketball at my HS and went on to play at Holy Cross when they were a powerhouse. My father played baseball and basketball in college. My cousin, who went to my HS, and was 5 years my Senior, was All-State in basketball and played D1. My sister, 1 year younger than me, started varsity all 4 years in 3 sports (softball, volleyball and basketball) and played D1 volleyball. My sister had the perfect attitude towards sports now that I look back at it.

However, the main reason was it was my personality to do everything to the extreme. Study to the extreme. Workout out to the extreme. Practice to the extreme. Where that came I have no idea but if your daughter is anything like that, she needs to gain some perspective before it ruins the game for her. It took me a long time to learn to enjoy things more, not until I had kids. Until that point, I was always chasing the proverbial windmill no matter what I did. Hopefully your daughter can figure it out faster than I did.
 
Last edited:

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
Because of a disability I cannot swing a bat, and she starts blaming me that I cannot give her the infield practice she wants.

This behavior is NOT OK.

As Cannonball said, "with no pressure, her stats improved." I am wondering how, and even if, I could help her find a way to take some of the pressure off of herself.

Softball is still a game and needs to be enjoyed. For some people the competition is what is being enjoyed but it also can't become unhealthy. My DD seems to thrive on the competition and seems to have a pretty healthy attitude to all the demands and pressure that comes with playing recruiting age softball.

But my DD also guests with her old teammates and friends on some off weekends. There is zero pressure on her - they are not at showcases, she isn't invested in the wins/losses for the team, she can try out all the pitches and other things she has been working on in practice with no consequences, she gets to play fielding positions she normally doesn't and so on. It is a lot of fun and relaxing for her and she enjoys it a lot. Does she play better? It is hard to say because the level of play is lower and she can kind of dominate without going 100% all the time. But it has its place in the balance of what she is doing with Softball - it is more about playing with friends and having a good time.
 
Oct 5, 2017
214
43
Western Indiana
This is a very difficult thing to get young adults to understand but she has to realize failure is part of getting better. If she can use her less than perfect attempts to evaluate where the mistake came in and correct that she will improve. There is a mindset that can really help a driven person excel. As a teacher/coach I know this is hard for young adults but there are plenty of books that can help with the mental approach.
 
May 15, 2016
926
18
So the problem is not just a softball issue. It is teaching the kids how to deal with a lot of stress.

For my DD, softball is the only place where she puts that much stress on herself. She and her twin sister are also on a swim team. The only time she gets intense about swimming is when her sister does much better than she does, otherwise she is content with her place on the team. Academically she ends up on either the Honor Roll or High Honor Roll each quarter, which is very nice, but she does not push herself to get much higher grades. I know she could do better, but she does not have that inner motivation to push herself.

All to say, for DD1, softball is the only place she puts that much stress on herself.
 

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