Coaches -- Please Communicate with Your Players

Chaz McNulty said:

I think this is where we differ. I believe in letting the coaches coach and do not believe that a coaching decision needs to be explained to the parents. Even if it isn't obvious.

Our coaches have a parent meeting at the beginning, mid, and end of the season. Ask questions then.

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I agree with that. Let coaches coach, players play and parents parent.

Ill ask my questions when they arise. Coaches dont need to be scared or insecure. Communication is key.

Chaz McNulty said:

Not playing any games. I think you mistook me for a coach. I am a parent of two DD's.

As a parent I always hear about these meetings. Softball is a small community and gossip spreads.

edit to add - I did coach my DD1's team 4 years ago in Mite. But I was not speaking from the point of view of my experiences as a coach, I was speaking from the point of view as a parent over the last 3 years.

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Do you find it strange that the coach of your children doesnt want parents to ask questions about coaching to his face yet, the coach wont hesitate to spread gossip? This coach sounds like a piece of garbage. You should change teams ASAP.

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BobInMadison said:

I disagree, at least to some extent.

First off, some issues really don't need to be brought up in front of the whole team. For example, if little Susie seems to have a completely different role on the team than what she and her parents expected, or she isn't sure what her role on the team is, why should that be brought up at a parents' meeting? No need to bring all the other parents in on the discussion, especially if the answer to the question may be embarrassing to the girl and her parents.

If neither little Susie nor her parents have a clue as to what Susie's role is on the team, that should be brought up with the coach ASAP. That is better for Susie, and better for the team as well. Suppose the coaches feel Susie needs to work more on her fielding? And suppose instead of mentioning that to Susie or her parents, they just put her on the bench and hope she gets the hint? And suppose Susie's parents have to bring that up in the middle of a parents' meeting? How does that possibly help Susie or the team?

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I agree with both of you... (if that makes sense)

I absolutely think that coaches should be left alone to coach, but I also understand what Bob is saying. My experience is with HS kids, so to Bob's two points...

1. Agree 100% some questions are not appropriate to ask in front of the entire team/parents. That's awkward for everyone. At our pre-season parent meeting, if you have a general philosophy question, fire away. Anything else, ask me off to the side. I'm not saying I'll answer it, but you can ask. If little Susie doesn't agree with her role, she needs to be the one to ask me about it. Call me old school...but I think teaching kids to ask for what they want in life is a great skill to learn. Learn to not rely on mommy and daddy to fight your battles. Respectfully ask your question/state your opinion, then be ready to handle the response in a mature way, as well. I have absolutely walked away from conversations like this thinking "She is absolutely right. I need to give her a chance to prove herself more, in games." I'm not so insecure to think my way/thoughts are always correct. I will say after tryouts, before the first practice as a staff, we meet with each player, individually, and have a conversation about where we feel they fit in the program (jv/varsity) and what we feel their role is to help us be successful. Can that role change as the season progresses? Absolutely...happens all the time. And you better have that conversation with Susie, when it does.

2. There hasn't been many times, in 18 years, that I've benched a player and not had a conversation with them about why. It might not have been in the moment, maybe it was the next day at practice, but you need to have that conversation. The player doesn't need to agree with it, but I feel you should have it. Again, mom and dad don't need to ask me why, the player and I need to talk, first. I used to be an "I don't discuss playing time" coach, that has changed over the years. I will never discuss another player with parents, and if they persist, conversation is over. But if a player wants to know how to earn more time, who am I to tell them to figure it out? Isn't my job to make them better? At the pre-season meeting, I discuss our "1 Sleep Rule". If you have questions about something that happened in a game or practice, give it one night sleep to possibly let emotions cool (this applies to wins/losses with me and the team as well). If you still want to talk, ok, lets set something up. There will be another coach there, or possibly my AD. And I may not answer your question, if I don't believe you need to know the answer. I will NEVER reply to texts about role/playing time. Body language cannot be read, more than likely the conversation will be misunderstood from both parties, and then it just gets worse from there.

My philosophy of interacting with parents is, they are part of the program no matter if you like it or not. In my case, it's not a college program where parents drop them off, then it's see ya when I see ya. I see my parents all the time...on the street, at the grocery store, they make up the booster club, they work the concession stand. Are there appropriate questions they can ask me, absolutely. Are there questions they ask and I say, I don't believe I need to answer that question...yep, happens every year. It's my job to make tough decisions that are not going to make everybody happy, that's coaching. I feel tough decisions MAY require hard conversations. If you don't want to have tough conversations, go sell ice cream and make everybody happy, don't coach.

But also know this...the more questions you (the parent) ask, the more the coach isn't going to want to answer you...

That's a Coach ^^^^^^^^

ian said:

That's a Coach ^^^^^^^^

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Agreed..useful ideas

BobInMadison said:

I disagree, at least to some extent.

First off, some issues really don't need to be brought up in front of the whole team. For example, if little Susie seems to have a completely different role on the team than what she and her parents expected, or she isn't sure what her role on the team is, why should that be brought up at a parents' meeting? No need to bring all the other parents in on the discussion, especially if the answer to the question may be embarrassing to the girl and her parents.

If neither little Susie nor her parents have a clue as to what Susie's role is on the team, that should be brought up with the coach ASAP. That is better for Susie, and better for the team as well. Suppose the coaches feel Susie needs to work more on her fielding? And suppose instead of mentioning that to Susie or her parents, they just put her on the bench and hope she gets the hint? And suppose Susie's parents have to bring that up in the middle of a parents' meeting? How does that possibly help Susie or the team?

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Hi Bob. I should have been more clear. The pre/mid/end of season meeting is a private meeting.

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ian said:

Do you find it strange that the coach of your children doesnt want parents to ask questions about coaching to his face yet, the coach wont hesitate to spread gossip? This coach sounds like a piece of garbage. You should change teams ASAP.

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Not at all. We have a great coach for DD1 and DD2 and they are both great at communicating. DD2's coach is really good and he is the one that doesn't want to hear about 'coaching issues' from the parents. He runs a tight ship while keeping it fun for the girls. If anyone had a problem with 'coaching decisions' they are not forced to stay. The parent group and kids are great on that team. He sets the rules and expectations in the first meeting so that everyone is on the same page. We have not had or heard of a parent requested meeting on that team.