DD is afraid to try-out

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Aug 10, 2016
686
63
Georgia
DD is going into her 3rd season of 12U - she played up last fall so technically she's still in her first year of 12U.
She's been playing rec since the last year she was age-eligible for 6U so about 5 years..

She got on the MS team last year as a 6th grader and has made the All-Star team for the last four years and is usually the top 2 girls at evals.

A lot of the girls she played with back in 8U/10U have made the transition to TB. One of her better friends moved her second year in 10U and a lot of them moved up right before 12U. We've been on the fence about it since she can't do All-Stars if she plays TB in the spring.

The girl that moved during 10U is a girl that she plays basketball and flag football with is on a team that was having try-outs this weekend. DD plays SS and C and has gotten pretty good at C this past season. The team has been looking for a new catcher and we thought this might be a good opp for her to experience a try-out and maybe play SB with her friend again. Also, her friend's dad is one of the AC on the team so she'd know a coach.

However DD is too scared to even go to the try-out. Her lists of issues with TB:
a - girls are too serious in TB (we told her it really depends on the team)
b - she might do bad
c - coaches are scary (she's been with the same few coaches in rec and they all love her and she's used to them)

We've told her that we don't even care if she makes the team or not - we kind of just wanted her to go to a try-out that wasn't rec to see what it's all about. And honestly I just kind of wanted her name out there in case they needed a pick-up player sometime (since one of the coaches does know her). One of her older coaches coached a TB last year and had asked DD to play in one tournament but she had a rec game that weekend. Another of her friends who moved to TB last year also had asked if DD could play in a couple of tournaments and her mom has said they had brought up DD's name a bit - she said that the team's normal C had injured her arm and they needed someone.

We ultimately did not go to the try-out and it's fine but we're a little disappointed.
I'm afraid she's getting to that age now that if she doesn't try soon, she's going to miss out.

We watched the PGF 10U championship game while we were talking about stuff and talking about how this was A-ball and how even these girls make mistakes so it's not a huge deal if that happens.

Any ideas on how to get her to not be afraid? I know we should just let her continue to do what she's comfortable with but I don't want her fear of the unknown stop her from something that might be better. At what age would the transition from rec to TB be too hard?
 
Last edited:
May 20, 2016
433
63
Don't think there is a certain age that the transition would be difficult, more dependant on skill.

I take my DD to teams that she knows she can't make to just see whats out there. Make her work harder. Way i convinced my DD was i told her you need to get used to being turned down for things. There are very few people in the world that only hear the word yes.
 
Jul 19, 2014
2,390
48
Madison, WI
DD 3's first team was a team made up of all-stars from her Little League. Invitation only.

She missed tryouts for her second team but the coach saw her at play and recruited her.
Last year she went to three tryouts but all 3 teams made offers before tryouts.

This year she and I finally agreed to let her try out for a team we thought she wouldn't make. She made the team.

I'm not sure what your DD needs to do to build her confidence. Maybe explain the situation to a coach you known and see if he will invite her to guest play. A few girls get invited to join teams that way.
 
Feb 4, 2015
641
28
Massachusetts
If there are tryouts still happening in your area, take her to three different tryouts, even for teams she may not want to play for. The less she cares about a team, the less emotional stress she'll put on the tryout. After a few, she'll see the kids are nice, the coaches are nice, the tryouts are fun, and she may even get a few offers. Then, when she tries out for a team that she really wants to make, she'll have the experience and confidence to know she can do it.

Tryouts are one of the great life-lessons of softball. Whether joining a team, applying for college, or interviewing for a job, or meeting 'the one' someday, we're always going to try-outs.
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
If your DD's plan is to continue playing softball past 12U you need to be aware that the competition at the REC level will drop significantly. Players start to transition to TB at 10U and it continues through 12U. I would also like to point out that the longer your DD waits, the harder the transition will be. If she has been playing REC and is trying out against players who have 2+ years of TB experience it will not be easy. My recommendation, forget All Stars, transition to TB and never look back.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Your DDs fears are relatively common. They will manifest themselves in different ways and to different degrees, but I think it is normal to be afraid of the unknown. Part of growing up is learning how to deal with that. I'm not sure there is any right answer to fit every situation, but you have already received some good advice.

My DD is now entering her senior year in HS. As a junior she volunteered to be an assistant coach for the junior high team and enjoyed working with the younger players. One in particular, was a 7th grader at the time. She has a great deal of potential but never played anything above rec ball. She was also afraid of travel ball for similar reasons you have mentioned. I invited her to one of our team practices. I coach 18u travel, so our girls are much older and more experienced than this young player. But they were all very nice and supportive to her. And it gave her an opportunity to see how our practices worked (junior high practices were much "slower" in comparison). I also reviewed some of the drills that I utilized for our travel team tryouts (from past years). She was asked to guest play for a local team this summer and has been invited to their tryouts, which are coming up in early August. You mentioned that you know one of the coaches on this team. It may be worth a conversation. Maybe she could attend one of their practices before making a decision.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
All of the 10U tryouts my 7 year old DD has gone to so far have been "private" tryouts where she just goes to a practice and works out with the team. The first couple
we had to do it because the teams open tryouts were on days we couldn't make it. However the last one she actually could have made the open tryouts
but I requested a private tryout because I liked the idea of just working out with the team.

If you can try and get something like that then it might be less stressful/intimidating for your DD. You can also see how the other girls on the team
interact with your DD and how the coach runs a practice. That being said, at some point in life you will have to do something uncomfortable.
I would just remind your DD that it is just softball, not life or death, and she is just going to go out there and play ball as she had done
thousands of times already at this point. Good luck.
 
Last edited:
Apr 26, 2015
704
43
Tryouts can definitely be daunting. DD had played for the same TB team for the past 4 years. Every year we have had her go to tryouts just so it won't be a foreign experience when she NEEDS to tryout. I would let her pick the teams and there was really no pressure because she knew she had a place on her current team. This year was no different. He coach wanted her back. We decided to have her tryout for a team that she has admired for years. She always believed if she could make this particular team that would mean she was a good ball player. We got to the tryouts (1 hr away from home) and she freaked out. She decided she didn't want to go. We drove around some and she finally decided she had to do it. She made the team. Ultimately we decided to make the switch...she is scared and excited all at the same time. She never thought she would make this team.

She also played on the Sparkler Jr All Star team this year. There are girls from all over the country on these teams. She was terrified that she was not going to be able to hang with some of the CA and TX girls. (We are from CO and do not play year round). I reminded her - they all throw the ball, catch the ball and hit the ball. Just go out there and do your thing. She was awesome. The umpire loved her (she is a catcher) and kept patting her on the head and giving her high fives.

Good luck in whatever you decide - I do hope she makes the jump soon though if she wants to make it.
 
Jun 19, 2013
753
28
You probably know your kid best and will have to decide how much to push in the future. Mine is super nervous and if you could see behind the scenes of how nervous she gets before something new you'd never believe she can pitch in games the way she does. With mine we've figured out that we basically MAKE her do stuff she is uncomfortable with - and I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with it. But we tell her the reasons we think it's a good idea (like many of the ones above - it's good experience for life, you'll miss out on a lot of great stuff if you let fear run you life, the worst that can happen is they say no, you can only do your best, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - all kinds of s stuff like that). And then we basically ignore her the couple days before and the morning of when she says she is sick, she didn't sleep, she's too tired, something hurts, etc. etc. we've heard them all haha. We just say "oh that's too bad, do you need some ibu? or do we need to go to the doctor??" And we go and shove her out of the car (almost literally) and then her adrenaline kicks in and she kills it. She goes out there and gives 110% and has gotten invitations from most of the teams that she has tried out for. But this is what we've figured out works for her after 15 years with this little goof ball.

It's amazing how she has blossomed in so many ways from the experiences she has pushed herself through - from trying softball, to do try outs, to guest play, to start on new teams, to playing up on an older team, to talk to coaches herself - and how this has bled out into all aspects of her life and she has become a leader at school due to these experiences I think. It gets somewhat easier for her every time that a new uncomfortable situation comes up - but it's still a struggle that I think is part of her personality and she will have to fight in herself in the future. In our situation she has come back to us at times and said "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about that, thanks for making me try" and we've seen her succeed on the other side of these attacks of nerves where she about makes herself sick and for us we think we've made the right choices. For others maybe their kid wouldn't feel the same on the back side so might not work for everyone.
 
Aug 10, 2016
686
63
Georgia
You probably know your kid best and will have to decide how much to push in the future. Mine is super nervous and if you could see behind the scenes of how nervous she gets before something new you'd never believe she can pitch in games the way she does. With mine we've figured out that we basically MAKE her do stuff she is uncomfortable with - and I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with it. But we tell her the reasons we think it's a good idea (like many of the ones above - it's good experience for life, you'll miss out on a lot of great stuff if you let fear run you life, the worst that can happen is they say no, you can only do your best, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - all kinds of s stuff like that). And then we basically ignore her the couple days before and the morning of when she says she is sick, she didn't sleep, she's too tired, something hurts, etc. etc. we've heard them all haha. We just say "oh that's too bad, do you need some ibu? or do we need to go to the doctor??" And we go and shove her out of the car (almost literally) and then her adrenaline kicks in and she kills it. She goes out there and gives 110% and has gotten invitations from most of the teams that she has tried out for. But this is what we've figured out works for her after 15 years with this little goof ball.

It's amazing how she has blossomed in so many ways from the experiences she has pushed herself through - from trying softball, to do try outs, to guest play, to start on new teams, to playing up on an older team, to talk to coaches herself - and how this has bled out into all aspects of her life and she has become a leader at school due to these experiences I think. It gets somewhat easier for her every time that a new uncomfortable situation comes up - but it's still a struggle that I think is part of her personality and she will have to fight in herself in the future. In our situation she has come back to us at times and said "I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about that, thanks for making me try" and we've seen her succeed on the other side of these attacks of nerves where she about makes herself sick and for us we think we've made the right choices. For others maybe their kid wouldn't feel the same on the back side so might not work for everyone.

We were at the point of "making" her go to the try-out this past weekend but we also didn't want her to stop liking softball. Tough trying to find the balance of pushing too hard. She is stubborn though ;) We've tried bribery as well...She's been using the rec catcher gear for a while now and this past season, another girl that bought her own catcher gear gave her coach her gear since she stopped catching and moved to pitching primarily. DD really liked the gear since it fit her so well. For MS, she would need to use the gear but right now one of the rec coaches has it so she kind of needs her own catcher gear. We told her we'd buy her gear if she went to the try-out.
Ultimately we did get her the gear since she needs it but didn't make her go...

I keep trying to get her to text her friend on the team and see what her friend says - if she should try it or not...
 

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