Decisions...decisions...should she stay or should she go?

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Apr 26, 2015
704
43
How do you know when it's time to move on?

DD has played for the same coach since she started playing TB - so for 4 years now. We have actually known the family since DD was 2 - not necessarily friends, but acquaintances. He is a good coach. The girls like him and he always puts together a fairly successful team. We have had some issues in the past but I think we've worked thru those and thankfully I feel like I can have an honest conversation with him without it getting weird. He adores DD. Told me once if he could have 11 players just like her he would have the perfect team. She has always been a starter. She is lead off batter, and plays catcher and OF. I know if she stays she will be a starter and will get plenty of play time.

So why would we consider leaving? Couple reasons...

Last weekend I watched some of the girls just give up. They were tired and ready to be done. So they just quit. It was very frustrating to the girls who were willing to continue to play hard and fight. DD was more upset about the team attitude than losing. This is a common problem with this team. They just quit playing.

HC's DD is arguably the weakest player on the team. She is a pitcher but it is like he is conceeding a game when he puts her in (which isn't often). She really couldn't care less if she plays or not. She loves wearing the uniform and being part of the team, but she doesn't love playing. There is such a huge gap between the top players and his DD - it is hard.

I'm wondering if DD might benefit from different coaching.

I also know that you get better by playing the best. DD is one of the top 3 players on this team. There is no comparison between her and the #2 catcher. I know it could benefit her to be challenged and have to work to earn her spot. She loves to work!

I am so torn. And so is DD. She hates change so the idea of leaving freaks her out...I know she would adjust fine...

One huge issue is where we live. There are 3 teams in the area that are competitive. DD's team (probably the #3 team of the 3), and two others. One coach has repeatedly asked DD to come play for him but he has told us in no uncertain terms that DD would never catch on his team because he does not believe in lefty catchers (don't get me started on that). The other team is not my fave either...other than that all the teams I would consider are at least 1 hr away.

For what it's worth - DD is 13 - was still 12U eligible this past year but played 14U. She absolutely does not want to play for a 1st yr 14U team next year. And I agree knowing the teams that are moving up.

How do we make this decision?
 
Jul 2, 2013
381
43
Talk to the coach. Get an honest answer from him on what his plans are for the future. If he expresses a desire to add quality girls and get better than you have some more thinking to do. If he thinks staying with the status quo is good enough, then it sounds like you have made up your mind. Either way you owe it to him to have a discussion about it. Especially since it sounds like your DD is one of the best players on the team.

We are in the same boat as you in terms of teams in our area. We made the decision last year (DD2's first year 12U) to drive over an hour for the chance to play with a team she really liked and I haven't second guessed it once. It has done her a lot of good to play with like minded girls and in my opinion has done her good to get away from the same pool of players.
 
Apr 26, 2015
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^^^ the team was B level this year and he is planning on moving to A. He said he wants to keep 7 of the 13 girls. And this next year only carry 11. So that would only mean 4 new players. But his DD is one who obviously will stay with the team and she is one who doesn't care if they win or lose. Ugh!
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
OK, what is with the stupid lefty catcher thing? Scratch that guy off your list if your DD wants to catch. We've encountered that attitude too (mostly from coaches with baseball backgrounds). That only leaves one team plus your current team. What's the other team like?

I think that shaking up the system from time to time is a good thing, especially if this is Daddy ball with Daddy's daughter who doesn't give a rip. Recipe for disaster. Maybe she will decide she wants to quit and then will he keep coaching with no daughter on the team?

Sounds like either you deal with status quo or you drive. I've pretty much accepted I will be driving regardless. The good news is that at 14U and up, they often only practice on weekends when they're not playing. I personally wouldn't let distance discourage me from seeking out a better situation. If they like your DD enough, they'll work with you.
 
Jun 11, 2012
741
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We've driven an hour since first year 14U so driving a bit doesn't phase me. Of course it's way easier now that DD has her license. We walked away from everything we knew 2 years ago and never looked back. It was the best decision we ever made.
I think you need to go to a couple of tryouts and see what's out there before you make any kind of decisions. When we went to our current teams tryouts it just felt right.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
It sounds like while his daughter isn't all that invested, he doesn't play daddy ball either. You said she rarely pitches. One weak player doesn't usually ruin a whole team unless dad insists on playing her in positions for which she's not qualified. It sounds like his plans are mostly in line with what you'd like? Playing higher level. I guess I'm not understanding why you want to go if that's the case. That said, I'm in the Atlanta burbs. Drive an hour? Sure, why not. Everything takes an hour here.
 
Jul 29, 2013
6,782
113
North Carolina
^^^^ Everything murphdog said is spot on to our situation! We went from driving 5 miles playing with a local team through the end of 12U to driving 60 miles to join a larger organization when we started 14U. It was absolutely the best thing for my DD. Sometimes the drive is a pain, but it's not about me! We live in a fairly small town, we had to go where the talent is, and there's a lot of talent there!
 
Nov 18, 2013
2,255
113
This is your post from May...

"DD has played for the same coach since she started TB at 10U. She has always loved playing for him. They played 2 years at 10s, 1 at 12s and are now 1st yr 14s (DD is still 12U eligible). HC's daughter loves to wear the uniform, and be part of a team, but she doesn't enjoy softball. It is so painfully obvious. She is happy to sit the bench and chat with the other girls who are out, and when she is on the field she stands like a statue and doesn't move for the ball until the ball stops moving. She is by far the weakest player on the team. HC is well aware of this and allows her to sit - a lot. I am pretty sure this is the last year for this team - which in a way is good because DD needs to move on but doesn't know how to leave. Tonight at practice it was beautiful out. Sunny and in the 60s. Coach called practice 30 minutes early. No reason...I just think he has lost his love of coaching. There were 4 girls without rides since he didn't bother to tell the parents he was ending early. I am so sad...last weekend he declined a bid to nationals because he already has a vacation planned. The AC was willing to coach the girls. It is looking pretty bleak..."

Doesn't sound like things have improved so it looks like you have your answer.

Driving an hour to find the best fit isn't convenient, but could be well worth it with the limited options you have locally.
 
Feb 7, 2013
3,188
48
What's the long-term goal for your DD? I don't think she is going to get much better playing for her current coach. Real travel ball teams have tryouts and cut players every season which is critical to developing a solid, competitive team where the players want to be there and won't "quit" on the field. In a perfect world, find a team of coaches that do not have DDs on the team. This team is likely holding your DD back from being a very good player, she needs to be challenged for playing time, and if she has been with the same coaches for several years, has probably got everything she can from them and time to move on.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
For what it's worth - DD is 13 - was still 12U eligible this past year but played 14U. She absolutely does not want to play for a 1st yr 14U team next year. And I agree knowing the teams that are moving up.

How do we make this decision?

When DD finished 12u and was entering 14u we were forced to look for another team. Most of the players from the 12u team still had eligibility and decided to stay down. We considered taking her to tryouts for a well respected organization approximately 60 miles away (75 minute drive). Before tryouts I decided to call the coach and ask some questions. Turns out this particular team had practice multiple days per week and started practice at 4 pm. This created multiple family issues, as neither my wife or I would be home from work in order to get DD to practice. In addition, it would require that we pulled her out of school early on those days. Those factors lead to us never going to that particular tryout. Thinking back on things, it would have been interesting to see how she would have developed if she was able to make that team. But at the same time, I think things have turned out pretty well as things are. This leads me to two points.

1) Do some research about the teams you need to travel for. Personally I would not be reluctant to travel, assuming it is something that my family can handle.
2) Make sure you think carefully about your desire to avoid a 1st year 14u team. If your daughter finds a 2nd year 14u team, you may be faced with a similar decision next year. You may need to either look for another team again, or potentially move her up to 16u with the rest of the team. Will your daughter be ready for 16u at that point? Will the team be willing to move her up a year early?

Just things to consider. Good luck!
 

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