Getting more aggressive

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Nov 4, 2015
320
43
Need some advice. Help coach my daughter's team. 12u but mostly first year players. DD is in the middle of the pack. #2 pitcher. Could be at the top skill wise, but has no aggression. She says she is going hard, but it is obvious to everyone watching that she isn't. Some of it is fear when balls are hit hard, but she is not scared in the circle. I try to tell her that even though she catches as many balls as other girls, her misses look worse because it looks like she is lazy. Some practices she throws nearly as hard as the #1 and others she looks 10 mph slower. She says she thinks she is going hard. I don't want to be THAT dad that stays on her because she really enjoys practicing and playing. I know time on the bench may be the only thing that convinces her to go harder, but it may also take away the enjoyment and get her to not want to play. Again, i would consider her in top half of team in talent, but her "get after it" is not up to par. Any suggestions?
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
If you think it is an Issue tell her you want at least 1 pitch per batter at 100%, do not care were ball goes. Couple games latter, 2 balls, etc.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
Do you want her to be #1 and a top fielder or does she want it? If she's happy being #2 and just playing for fun, leave her alone, IMO. It's got to be up to her. That inner drive that some girls have, I'm not sure it can be taught. It definitely can't be coerced.
 
May 13, 2012
599
18
I have always struggled with this and girls in general. Regardless of postion natural agression just seems different with the girls. I've got a theory that if you grab 100 random girls and then 100 boys 12 to 14 yr old and a way to test them with something like don't let the ball get by you on either side, a higher percentage of boys would lay out diving than girls. My DD pitches and thru the yrs I've gave up on the male approach and went with things like between the batters boxes is yours. If they have a body part in it and it gets hit their fault not yours. Then look at her with a grin and remind her to throw hard every pitch as a reminder to the batter that is your area. In the circle it sems to work for her. You just have to find what works for that girl. Position wise my DD sounds exactly like yours and i never have figured it out. Good luck. Just for side note when I first started coaching and would try to get the girls fired up I had more of a football approach and never got anywhere. Asked DD after a game one night when everyone was sorta lack luster what is going on I've done everything I know to get you girls fired up. " Dad most of the girls just thing your weird or crazy when you give those speechs". DW just horse laughed.
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
I don't want to be THAT dad that stays on her because she really enjoys practicing and playing. I know time on the bench may be the only thing that convinces her to go harder, but it may also take away the enjoyment and get her to not want to play. Again, i would consider her in top half of team in talent, but her "get after it" is not up to par. Any suggestions?

Every kid is different, but I can tell you that I was THAT dad with DD1 and I am 98.2% sure she would not be the player she is today if I wasn't. Now if I was THAT dad with DD2 she would have started crying and quit....come to think of it, that is EXACTLY what happened and is why she now plays the piano instead of softball.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
Every kid is different, but I can tell you that I was THAT dad with DD1 and I am 98.2% sure she would not be the player she is today if I wasn't. Now if I was THAT dad with DD2 she would have started crying and quit....come to think of it, that is EXACTLY what happened and is why she now plays the piano instead of softball.

Interesting! How do you tell which kind a kid is before you start with the pushing, any idea? My older one, you can't push her. But she quit playing anyway, though we pretty much left her alone. I think if we'd pushed her she'd have just quit sooner. She prefers graphic novels and less organized activities to sports. Then my younger one, I think we'd have to go way over the top for her to want to quit because she loves it so much. I'm sure we could make her hate it if we tried though...
 
Nov 4, 2015
320
43
Thanks for the feedback. DD is upset if she doesn't get to pitch. Works pretty hard at it and when she gives 100% can compete with #1 and wants to. Its just the effort. Pi$$ her off and she throws hard. Doesn't care if she hits someone. I was wide open all the time. I'm an idiot, but, at times it seems that she doesn't want to go harder because of a fear of failure. If she just says she couldn't get to the ball, she didn't fail. That may sound dumb and she would never admit it. I always had a fear of failure and letting folks down but i compensated by going harder. I think she compensates the other way. If she isn't mad and throwing hard in the circle, which is when she pitches well, she can just say she felt like she was going hard and it just didn't feel right pitching. And the hormones haven't even hit full stride yet. This is gonna give me gray hairs!
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
Interesting! How do you tell which kind a kid is before you start with the pushing, any idea? My older one, you can't push her. But she quit playing anyway, though we pretty much left her alone. I think if we'd pushed her she'd have just quit sooner. She prefers graphic novels and less organized activities to sports. Then my younger one, I think we'd have to go way over the top for her to want to quit because she loves it so much. I'm sure we could make her hate it if we tried though...

Not sure there is a perfect answer and some kids are going to quit regardless. I really did not push DD2 hard, she just does not like sports or competition, and we tried them all. About all I can tell you is it is a little "trial and error". Push and see how they respond. If the response is positive, push harder.
 
Mar 23, 2014
621
18
SoCal
Some of what you are experiencing is lack of body awareness. She feels like she's going just as hard but you can see she isn't. She's just not as aware of how her body feels at the different levels of intensity. This comes with age and also with working out.for example, I had DD pitch after several days of overall general conditioning training. Her body was sore but she could feel everything which started her being more aware of what she was doing and level of energy she was giving. The rest comes with time and maturaity.
 

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