need advice re: friends vs a team upgrade

I need some help. My DD has the opportunity to upgrade to a new team: better coaching, higher quality playing teammates, more competitive schedule. Problem is that she has many friends on her current team, and, as a 14 yr old girl, this is very important to her, which I certainly understand. She is pushing against the team switch. Part of me says its her call...let her play where, and with whom she wants. Yet, at the same time, the more competitive team will present opportunities to improve and be seen, that her current team will not. She says she wants to play in college, acts like she does with lessons and practice, but then resists the opportunity to upgrade. Any advice? Thx

I feel your pain. My DD talks the talk about wanting all of that and then wants to skip two important organizational tryouts to go to a pool party! Infuriating. Their little frontal lobes are not fully developed and they live in the moment instead of considering the future. Personally, I think when they get SO comfortable on a team, it might be time to make a move. With that much comfort, effort and attitude can slip. Playing with your buddies is for rec ball and school ball. But you can't drag her kicking and screaming either. Tough place to be. Maybe try to get her hitting coach or someone she trusts to sit down with her at Starbucks and have a "reality check" talk. She's more likely to listen to "an expert" than her parent (I'm right there with you in that boat).

Thanks, good advice. Ill ask her hitting coach, who also coaches in college and recruits, to help me with this conversation.

Dodo said:

I need some help. My DD has the opportunity to upgrade to a new team: better coaching, higher quality playing teammates, more competitive schedule. Problem is that she has many friends on her current team, and, as a 14 yr old girl, this is very important to her, which I certainly understand. She is pushing against the team switch. Part of me says its her call...let her play where, and with whom she wants. Yet, at the same time, the more competitive team will present opportunities to improve and be seen, that her current team will not. She says she wants to play in college, acts like she does with lessons and practice, but then resists the opportunity to upgrade. Any advice? Thx

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Realistically is she an advanced D1 prospect today? Where does she realistically stack up today in a college coaches eye?

Lots of people talk about recruiting in the second year 14U/first year 16U age group but a lot of that is really a recruiting battle for the already developed, fully mature player who can be clearly identified as a higher level D1 talent. It is no good 'being seen' if you are not ready to be seen- that can be a real negative sometimes if a coach sees you and remembers you - first impressions can matter.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with easing into the recruiting cycle - playing the better teams, attending a few showcases (even in the backfields), playing against the teams that have the fully mature players. Not being actively recruited as a 14 year old isn't all that bad if you are moving forward still. Picking the 'right' time to go fully at recruiting is important.

If she is on a team that has good coaching, good teammates and a solid competitive schedule you should think long and hard before you force her to do something that she may not be ready for. Is she ready to maybe have to ride the bench more? Is the coaching ACTUALLY better? Are the parent nuts on the prospective team? Are the girls known trouble? Are they playing in areas your DD may want to play or is it just going to be a lot of $$$ for no real gain. It is not only a better player/better schedule upgrade - you need to be walking into a better overall situation. My neighbor spent what he said is minimally $250k on his DD's softball since 12U - she was on the best travel org teams the entire time - and in the end she is on a 20% scholarship to a a mid-level D2 school.

You are clearly ready for her to move - but it can backfire quickly if you force her down a path she is not going to be happy with. My DD has had opportunities to upgrade to some of these types of teams over the past 18 months but frankly she was not even close to being physically mature and neither were many of her teammates. Over this last 6 months pretty much her entire team finally started to catch up physically to the other teams and competitively there is now a very small difference - and most importantly my DD is looking forward to next season and the number of players who are quitting softball off some of these 'better' teams is really high.

CMMom1740 said:

She's more likely to listen to "an expert" than her parent (I'm right there with you in that boat).

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Whatever the topic is, kids are usually much more willing to listen to people who aren't their parents.

A wise coach once told me "Boys need to play well to be happy, girls need to be happy to play well"...playing with people you enjoy being around is important since your DD will be spend A LOT of time with her teammates.

Is your DD one of the top 2-3 players on her current team?
How much playing times is she receiving?
Is she playing a position she enjoys?
Is she hitting in the top half of the line up?

What level college softball is your DD interested in playing? What level college softball coaches will be interested in your DD? If she wants to play lower D1, D2, D3, NAIA or JUCO she can probably get recruited by attending camps, writing to coaches, and playing on the lower level team (assuming her team still plays against some of the stronger competition in your area). If she wants to play P5 D1, it is a BIG plus to be on a marquee team at major showcases and nationals.

marriard said:

My neighbor spent what he said is minimally $250k on his DD's softball since 12U - she was on the best travel org teams the entire time - and in the end she is on a 20% scholarship to a a mid-level D2 school.

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[MENTION=5070]marriard[/MENTION] makes an excellent point, so lets do some math...

I estimate the annual costs of playing high level TB to be @ $10-12K/year. This includes team fees, travel, lodging, equipment, uniforms, lessons, ect.
Let's say your DD starts playing high level TB at 12U. That is @ 8 years of TB, depending on how your DD's birthday falls.
$10-12K x 8 = $80-96K (not sure where Marriard's friend came up with $250K, but I am glad my DD is not on that team!)
Most players get a fractional scholarship and I will use 50% as an average. 12 scholarships/24 players = 50%
If tuition, fees, room and board, lodging and meal plans cost $40-50K/year, a 4-year education costs $160-200K.

Therefore, a 50% scholarship is worth @ $80-100K, almost exactly what you paid into TB. Softball parents should HOPE to break even, and I bet 98.2% of the parents in TB end up spending more on TB than their DD receives in scholarships.

So in conclusion, let your DD play softball for the love of the game, not for the money, because 98.2% of the parents would be better off putting that money into a 529 college savings plan...

Sidebar: One exception would be if your DD is able to gain admission into a school because of softball that she would not be accepted to as a regular student. GA has the Hope Scholarship, which makes attending UGA and GT very affordable for students with a 3.0+ GPA who live in GA. The problem is it has become super competitive to be accepted. For a regular student they need a 3.9+ GPA and 28+ ACT. My DD would not get admitted by those standards, but because of softball she could be a "preferred walk-on" on the softball team which would streamline her through admissions. And the bonus is that even if she quits softball before she ever takes the field in the Spring, she is already admitted and keeps the Hope Scholarship as long as she maintains a 3.0+ GPA.

My dd had to make the same decision. She made an outstanding TB Program that many of you might have heard of. Her best friend was also at that tryout. She did not make the team although she was an outstanding player and went on to do well in college. This young lady had already tried out for a very good local program and had made that team. She called BB and BB said she made the big time team. Best friend asked her to not play for big time program and, instead, call the coach of the team she made and get on that team. This young lady had already called that coach and knew that they wanted BB.

BB cried when she hung up the phone. She had always wanted to play for the big time TB Team. Then, she commented that she can't let her best friend down and so, called the coach of the big time program and declined the invite. She called the other coach and was on the team. She has never looked back. Last night, her best friend spent the night at BB's apartment. She had driven up from a few states away to spend the weekend. They are still best friends. The team BB agreed to play on actually beat that other team in a tournament. Every player from BB's new team played in college but one who wanted to be a chef. So, it all worked out in the end.

Different people play softball for different reasons.

Hanging around with friends and good chemistry are valid reasons.

What are her goals for playing travel softball? When she answers that, you'll know what team she should be on.