How to make a kid HATE school ball in 3 easy steps

This is not to sing the praises of a kid or put down the varsity coach. But...

My daughter is a Freshman and has been playing since she was 8. She progressed all the way to a national travel team that played all over the country last year. She's a really good outfielder. After the season she decided she would rather do a regional team. Her high school coach has a travel team and wanted her to play for him. She played a tournament with them in January. They were not good. Nothing more was said about the team. She then tried out and made his varsity high school team. A few weeks later she told him she did not want to play travel ball for him (she was never actually on the team). As soon as that happened she was bumped to JV to "give her confidence". I had heard this would happen and I told her. She said "I would rather play JV than play for him". Also she has one of the best coaches in the area as her hitting coach and the high school dude really, really wants to change her swing. She is ready to give up school ball and only play travel. Basically I want to know would you let your kid quit school ball or try to talk her into staying? I personally think school ball is no longer necessary. This is sad because my kid does not have a mean bone in her body and no one has ever made her not want to play before.

School ball is optional IMO.

She can't be laying around all day but if she doesn't want to play school ball I would care less.

Most the college players I see list their TB Team not thier HS team.

Unfortunately these is still a lot of this that still happens at the MS and HS level. They go by what they feel and their attitude rather than what they see, if they have an agenda. "Daddy ball" get played at the TB level as well but they usually get to pick their coach so the parents have more control over their DD development. If she wants to get noticed do some showcases or get into some high level tourneys that is where college coaches tent to hang out.

I am not sure I would allow her to quit. Forget about the softball part, it will be a good life lesson if she grinds it out. Trust me, I have been in the same place you are and my DD wanted to quit. I told her never to let anyone that doesn't truly care about her change the way she feels about something she loves. It's made her a better leader and person. If the coach is not teaching anything that is physically harming her, she will come to appreciate the experience after its over. Let her go dominate in JV and enjoy it.

Lastly she will take her lead from you. If you are ripping the coach, she will too. I think that was the hardest lesson for me. She got over it before I did only because I knew what the coach was doing and I wanted to do something about it. When I stopped bad mouthing the coach she did as well.

Good luck.

I say have her play JV and if she rocks it out, she'll either most likely force the coach to move her up to varsity or look like a fool (reminder to self: many HS coaches don't care or know if they look like a fool).

You don't say what the level of the rest of the team is, but there's a chance DD could really turn into a leader and help elevate the play of the rest of the JV team, which might make her a better player overall. I'd let say take a year, do her best, and see how coach reacts. It will probably give you an idea of how things will go for the next three years.

xpressva said:

She is ready to give up school ball and only play travel. Basically I want to know would you let your kid quit school ball or try to talk her into staying? I personally think school ball is no longer necessary. This is sad because my kid does not have a mean bone in her body and no one has ever made her not want to play before.

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School ball is NOT necessary, and should be fun. If your DD is not enjoying her experience and does not want to play, let her do something else.

What you have is a HC who has a "football" mentality in his approach to the game. He is absolutely out of touch with what is really going on in the recruiting environment at the current time. Unlike football, softball does not need HS to get recruited. He does not understand that. I doubt he's been out of his local pond, so-to-speak, with regards to travel ball. The best thing he could have done for your DD is to move her to JV. That way he's not there every day trying to "fix" her. I know it can be hard on the kids when they get conflicting "instruction" that differs from what a paid professional is teaching your DD.

In the end you need to let your DD make the decision if she would like to play for the HS HC. If she doesn't she should look into other options. Would she like to do track or possibly get her into a cross-fit training program to increase her strength and stamina. Are there any spring teams in your area?

I know in my area they do a spring team for HS players who, for whatever reasons, are not playing HS ball. Last year they had over 90 girls from the area participating. They would travel to neighboring states who play their HS ball in the fall and play tournaments. They had multiple team and they would play round robins against each other on the weekends. They practice during the week to keep the girls sharp for travel ball in the summer. It's changed the way a lot of HS HC's treat their players because the kids have an option and don't have to put up with the lunacy the can beset some HS coaches.

A lot of people suffer from the "my TB is great, but HS sucks" syndrome. Here is the deal: Parents pick out a TB team that is perfect for them. If they don't like a TB team, they leave and go to another one. If they don't like the TB coaches, they leave and find a different team. So, not surprisingly, when a kid get to 15 or 16YOA, the parents and the kid have found a travel ball team that fits them really well.

When they go to HS, suddenly things are perfectly suited for the kid or the parents. And, then everyone bemoans playing HS ball.

Basically I want to know would you let your kid quit school ball or try to talk her into staying?

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I wouldn't let her quit this year. She has made a commitment, and she should be required to fulfill her commitments.

Also, the truth is that every boss/customer she has in "the real world" are not going to be saints. Everyone has to learn how to deal with bosses/customers. Your DD is no exception. Tell her its time to grow up.


The trouble is that in HS and college ball, your DD can't float from team to team until she finds one you and she likes. She has to either accept the situation or quit playing the game.

You may be laboring under the misconception that "it will all be different in college". News flash: It won't be any different.

I personally think school ball is no longer necessary.

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Necessary for what?

The point of sports is to *play*. If a kid doesn't play softball when she gets a chance to play, then she really doesn't like the game that much.

And, let's be clear: Your DD's career only lasts a few years. She has less than 8 years left. She can never go back and play one more game of softball when it is over. The games she misses now are gone forever.

xpressva said:

This is not to sing the praises of a kid or put down the varsity coach. But...

My daughter is a Freshman and has been playing since she was 8. She progressed all the way to a national travel team that played all over the country last year. She's a really good outfielder. After the season she decided she would rather do a regional team. Her high school coach has a travel team and wanted her to play for him. She played a tournament with them in January. They were not good. Nothing more was said about the team. She then tried out and made his varsity high school team. A few weeks later she told him she did not want to play travel ball for him (she was never actually on the team). As soon as that happened she was bumped to JV to "give her confidence". I had heard this would happen and I told her. She said "I would rather play JV than play for him". Also she has one of the best coaches in the area as her hitting coach and the high school dude really, really wants to change her swing. She is ready to give up school ball and only play travel. Basically I want to know would you let your kid quit school ball or try to talk her into staying? I personally think school ball is no longer necessary. This is sad because my kid does not have a mean bone in her body and no one has ever made her not want to play before.

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Your mindset is sadly too common among freshman parents. Their DD's get a taste of high level travel ball, have a little success and feel entitled to start on the HS team. If they don't make it there has to be a conspiracy. HS has totally different dynamics from travel. Different doesn't mean to bad. Give it a chance and don't listen to the rumor mill.

The other thing to consider is the opportunity to play for her town and with her friends through the high school. She can never have that back either.

I really like the analogy Sluggers made between the team/coach and work/boss. So true. Things won't always be the way she wants. However, how she deals with them is completely within the perspective she chooses. Feeling slighted, mistreated, coach out to get you, not-entitled = unhappy. Feel challenged, opportunity to get more playing time at JV vs V, chance to prove yourself, chance to play with friends and have fun = happy. Same situation... different perspectives.

I just had the same conversation with a member of my team at work who's 29 and is still struggling to learn this life lesson.

Most high level TB players that play HS ball look at it as community service.