Dealing with a delusional parent who thinks he is a coach

Gags - We have discussed some of the options you have outlined. In fact, we tried specifically with the "We want the catchers and pitchers to start working on calling their own game." Our first scrimmage comes up an dad is late because of work. Catcher is calling the game and doing fine. Dad shows up, watches no more than 5 pitches, and says "Why isn't she throwing more change-ups?" A third coach who isn't involved in this thread watched her warm up and said that in the 10 she threw in warmups, none even reached the plate. Of course dad replies with "That's why she needs to throw it more." and starts barking orders out to the mound. Not that there needs to be any more evidence, as his a-holery is well established, but the last example I will give is this. We asked the pitcher if she could throw some BP to the team to help get them used to faster pitching. Didn't want her to do anything but throw fastballs down the middle so the girls could work on timing. She complies, and he starts yelling at her for not throwing all of her pitches, or picking the corners. When I walked over and calmly explained what we were trying to do, he said he was trying to make sure she was ready for a state championship game, and if a batter was standing in front of her, she should never do anything but try and strike them out. This was last year, when all of the girls were in 6th grade.

As a bit of an update, Benny did call him and tell him he wouldn't be in the picture. He didn't take it great of course, but that part is done. He hasn't talked to us since, and his daughter conveniently missed practice last night because of a pitching lesson, even though our practice schedule hasn't changed for months. Our team pictures are tonight, so we will see what comes of that.

Your team is better off with out them. Maybe not her but for sure him. What you permit, you promote.

Good luck!

Tons of good thoughts here but most we have already considered. We are almost 100% sure that telling him he can't call pitches anymore will be all it takes for him to leave the team. When he found out he wasn't a coach last year, he was so pissed that he wasn't going to let her play for the league, only to have the daughter and mother refuse to let that happen.

I did call him and tell him he wasn't going to be in the team picture because he's never at practices, it would be confusing to the players, and that i don't believe they see him as a coach, to which he responded "OK, but i think you're 100% wrong". "Wrong about what?" we wonder. i was tempted to follow that up with "while i have you on the phone, you aren't calling pitches anymore either", but he wanted to get off the phone and i let it go for the moment.

As far as what we permit, we promote, i couldn't agree more. I think i've convinced Trojan29 that this crap has to stop, and if she isn't going to be at practices, she isn't going to be starting games at pitcher, or playing 1st base when she isn't pitching, or hitting 4th like she is used to. Just had a parent at the beginning of yesterday's practice tell me he'd bench her if she wasn't there. At that point, when other parents are commenting on it, we look like puppets to this idiot if we treat her any differently. There has to consequences at this point.

the wife showed up at the beginning of practice yesterday to get the jersey for pictures today, and was saying the daughter thinks she needs to be at practice more, but they get off work late, or she is at pitching practice which is still softball practice. Essentially giving excuses for why she hasn't been there the day after they got the phone call that the dad is never there so he isn't going to be in the pictures. Not coincidental in our opinion. Keep in mind, the reason we practice Mon/Wed is because that's what worked for her volleyball schedule. Now they just schedule pitching lessons on the very days we have planned to fit their needs.

the plan is to wait for next week and see if anything changes. Trojan29 sent his daughter to school this morning with the mission to ask this girl why she hasn't been at practice. I think the implication will be clear after that, and if they continue to miss, they will get a text or call informing them that there will be consequences for that. It's like a live soap opera! Stay tuned to see what happens in the next episode of "As the Softball Turns"!

Simply tell him he has a choice. He can watch his daughter pitch with you or catcher calling pitches. Or he can watch his daughter get pulled from the circle for pitcher #2 if you catch him calling pitches. The choice is entirely up to him.

Consult the pitching coach. I think you said he/she was an experienced and respected PC. Have them offer opinion to dad that she and catcher should be calling game, if they are of that opinion. (Off topic...but IMHO pitchers being mandated to throw what is called is a big problem in the game. I don't know that have ever seen a Fastpitch pitcher shake off a sign, when they aren't feeling a certain pitch that day). Have PC tell him she needs to develop her mental game and it will help her long term. Having someone whose opinion he obviously respects (because he pays for it) suggest he stop for her own good may work wonders. He can save face, you can be rid of the problem and the team can move forward.

Sounds like even though he may have some "social issues" he has her best fastpitch interests at heart by wanting her to develop a change up, instead of just blowing everyone away at a young age then becoming average when hitters develop as they get older. I would have to say too that I would be shocked if this kid really throws 7 pitches. My guess is she throws fast in different locations with not a lot of movement and a high fastball=rise, a low fastball=drop, an inside fastball=screwball etc., as evidenced by the fact that you say the good hitters can usually beat her. A change up can be your best friend, let her develop it. If you truly don't care about winning, let her throw it in pressure situations.

good point with the pitching coach Tom. We thought about it but maybe we will actually call.

Yes, she actually throws 7 different pitches, not just locations, which it think is ridiculous. OK to practice them, but crazy to force them in game situations before they are mastered.

Benny13082 said:

good point with the pitching coach Tom. We thought about it but maybe we will actually call.

Yes, she actually throws 7 different pitches, not just locations, which it think is ridiculous. OK to practice them, but crazy to force them in game situations before they are mastered.

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So she has 7 pitches mastered at 13 and one of them isn't a change up? I'll let the pitching gurus on here respond to that if they choose, there's some delusion somewhere and it may not be all with dad. Sounds like she's taking lessons from Mr. Miagi.

Big difference in game vs. throwing in a cage (especially at 13), she's got to be given the opportunity to develop and not just throw what is going to help you get a win sometimes.


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Benny13082 said:

good point with the pitching coach Tom. We thought about it but maybe we will actually call.

Yes, she actually throws 7 different pitches, not just locations, which it think is ridiculous. OK to practice them, but crazy to force them in game situations before they are mastered.

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You're actually better off keeping the pitching coach out of it. If a coach called me up and wanted to involve me in team drama the conversation would be about two words longer. They would be "No way!" I will not get involved with team drama. As a PC my one concern is the player's performance and I don't worry about what the team did.

I will ask the girls I'm working with how they did over the weekend. They will answer we won X amount of games. That's when I tell them I don't care about that. I want to know how they performed in the circle.

As for 7 different pitches. Ummm... Not!! FB, CU, Curve, Drop, Rise and Screw. What are the two other pitches? Throwing a variation of a pitch is not another pitch. Sounds like the PC is feeding them a bunch of BS. I doubt Riseball's DD who is pitching in the SEC has 7 pitches.

If it is the pitching coach who has taught this pitcher 7 pitches, what would make anyone think that bringing them into the situation would be remotely helpful???

Sparky Guy said:

As for 7 different pitches. Ummm... Not!! FB, CU, Curve, Drop, Rise and Screw. What are the two other pitches?

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You named 6 pitches there. The other one is something the call an "off speed" which to me has always meant anything but a fastball, but they count it as a different pitch. When she throws it, it just looks to me like a fastball with a few MPH taken off. Too fast to be a CU. They also call a drop-curve a separate pitch, but granted, it is just a variation. Also to the person above who said she has mastered 7 pitches at 13, she definitely has not, and that is the problem. She hasn't even totally mastered control of her fastball. I don't mind that a pitching coach is teaching her the grip and spin of that many pitches, but I doubt even he expects that she will be throwing all of them in a game.

Our team just took a trip to the University of Kentucky as one of their coaches graduated from our high school. We talked to her quite a bit. She has been with them for 10 years, and she said when a pitcher comes to them with that many pitches, they immediately cut it down to the best 3 or 4. Her quote was "Why would you ever throw a girl something that is your 5th or 6th best pitch." Makes sense, and you think that advice from a coach at that level would have an effect, but as we like to say about this situation, you can't make a rational argument with an irrational person.