Dealing with a delusional parent who thinks he is a coach

It’s pretty clear you guys are on the right path seeking and being open to advice here. I know its hard to “punish the kid” for the deeds of the parent, but sometimes its gotta be done. When parents become that big of a cancer you have to cut them loose or your good parents will start leaving.

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One of the programs DD played for had a parent like the OP's when she first started in the program. The program director ended up having to remove the girl from the program. He told the player she was welcome back any time. So long as her father was not around. The guy ended up on the BOD of another organization. He is still an idiot to this day. Long, long after his DD finished her career.

One year I picked up a girl after tryouts in the fall, 14U. Good player. Great kid. Dad says to us. I've coached before. I can help. Our response. "Thanks, but we're good." It was myself, DD and another former D1 college player. No kids on the team. Daddy tried a few more times to get into the dugout and we turned him down. Middle of winter I get an email from him. His DD is all "Upset and crying" because she was called a "name" by one of the coaches. He pulls his DD from the team and she goes to play for another team. Within 4 weeks of her being on that team there are all kinds of issues. The HC quits. Guess who is now the new HC.

And another thing. The girl wanted a number that was already assigned to another player who didn't want to give it up. No... Her parents did not have a pole barn.

trojan and Benny. For your own sanity and for the good of the team. Give the dad the ultimatum. Before the next game. Do this with all of the coaches there so the guy knows you are united with this and there are no side doors open for him to try and sneak back in through. You've stated the BOD knows about this guy and refused to let him be a HC before. Have one of them there also. It will get ugly and the dad will pull his DD from the team at that time. If the DD really wants to play I would expect a call from the mom asking for the girl to be put back on the team a short time later.

As any of the guys on here knows. A ticked off wife can make things really miserable at home.

This thing will grow until is causes an implosion of the team and you lose everything you've worked so hard for over the years. The kids will remain friends.

did the OP mean to post this in "Softball Coaching" rather than "Softball Catching"?

just sayin....

MNDad said:

Just a wild guess here that the team plays in a small school class and has very few girls that go on to play college softball?

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Very astute observation. This team is in the smallest school division in the state, and I don't remember any recruits to major colleges in recent history.

Also, this was definitely meant to be in the Coaching section. It's that attention to detail that has made us such a good team.

Trojans29 said:

Very astute observation. This team is in the smallest school division in the state, and I don't remember any recruits to major colleges in recent history.

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The thing you need to understand about getting a player to the college level is HS ball contributes VERY little to the process. Players are recruited through travel ball. Kids need to be playing in well attended showcase type tournaments. The player and their parents must put in the work during the recruiting process.

If your DD has the talent to play at that level then you need to seek out the best travel program near you who has experience with getting kids placed in schools. And it doesn't have to be D1. The key factor is getting the player in the best academic situation possible with softball paying for part or all of it.

Sparky Guy said:

The player and their parents must put in the work during the recruiting process.

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Great point! The biggest mistake I see, (we did it too) was thinking her coaches or program would lead the recruiting efforts. Parents and players need to take ownership of it and contact coaches directly. I can't tell you how many times I've seen travel coaches fail to pass on information or not follow up when colleges express interest. Some travel coaches are amazing at reaching out and developing relationships with colleges. What we experienced too late was they'll all tell you that, but few deliver.

obbay said:

Tough crowd!

ever see the LL world series? that's Rec softball. do they suck?

not everyone comes from an area where softball is big. where I live it appears to be dieing. you need to think too much, it requires too many skills and its much easier to play other sports that are now available. if you want to play AAU Soccer or Basketball, those seasons are simultaneous with Softball/baseball.

these two guys seem to have put themselves in a bad position that they obviously wouldn't have done if they knew then what they know now.

DD was on a team once where the Head Coach's DD saw a pitching coach that said you "just need to work through the difficult times" that arise in games (or at least that was his take on it). so the team stood by patiently as she walked-in 14 runs. one of several painful games to watch. I walked out behind them and the pitcher and her father were complaining that there was nothing she could do about that loss, the team didn't back her up. somebody must've made an error on one of the few hits that game. you have 9 players on the field, it is not time for the pitcher to work on her pitches, it's time to be a pitcher and get the side out.

Rec Ball/TB WHATEVER! you are doing what you feel is best for the team. that being said, this is probably a good time to expand into TB. Girls change a lot from 12 on, even more so from 14 on. TB isn't for everyone, but you could ease into it (sounds like you've already tested the waters) and see how it goes. If you do your own team, you can have more control over costs too. we did that and it worked out pretty good, though when we joined an established program, many of the parents were furious over the increase in cost, but they could all afford it. the ones who couldn't kept quiet. (we still helped them out)

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A league not far from me went to the 12u llws finals and then a couple of years later won the whole thing in the 14u bracket. That team traveled and played in more tourneys the. My dds travel team did. So yeah they are a ref team, but...

That team traveled and played in more tourneys than My dds travel team did. So yeah they are a rec team, but...

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might have been too obscure, but that was my point- "rec" team doesn't necessarily mean "bad". it usually runs the gamut and sometimes you don't have a lot of choice.

Benny13082 said:

he will call it on 3 ball counts, regardless of the situation.

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We let him call pitches because we are afraid he will pull his daughter from the team if he can't.

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Benny,

If you care read through any more comments - figured I'd chime in as well.

With the first quote, you're right - that's a bad time to call a pitch you can't throw for a strike. Plus I wouldn't call a 20-mph difference pitch a changeup. I'd just call it slow. Is it effective when she does throw it for a strike? (Or maybe I should say throws it in the right location?) If she can throw an effective 2-strike changeup, but has trouble with a 3-ball changeup, then maybe I'd see the Dad's point. But if the pitch isn't effective regardless of the count, then to paraphrase a recent post - the other 8 or 9 players don't get to "practice" during the game, they have to play. A pitcher needs to just pitch.

Regarding the second quote - it sounds like everyone to this point has been projecting. Maybe I missed a detail in the other posts - but when you say you're "afraid he will pull his daughter" - it sounds like you actually don't know what would happen, but are just assuming (based on your long experience with the dad) that y will follow x.

It's interesting reading the longer threads sometimes - that whole "in hindsight..." thing - I think early posters have a stronger influence on the rest of the conversation than we may realize. In this case - it was almost unanimous that "Dad has got to go". And maybe you set the tone as well with your initial post. The point, or maybe the question, I'm trying to get to is - Is there any middle ground? You're ready to go nuclear (Go, Dad, Go), Trojan is willing to go pacifist and just take it for the rest of the season (I was going to say "bend over", but given the screen name...). Is there really no other option?

Sounds like she's never pitching a complete game as it is. And with a 15-0 record, you can't say your other pitchers aren't good. (Unless you're playing perfect, error-free softball EVERY GAME, you have to give your remaining staff more credit.) I understand the caveat about losing this pitcher impacting tournaments you've already signed up for - could the roster spot not be filled? Is there pitch-counts / inning-limits that will come into play if you only bring (for example) 3 pitchers vs. 4? But that's still a result of the nuclear option.

Back to the splitting-time idea - if she's already only pitching partial games - take a baby step towards re-asserting control. Tell Dad - "Hey - the catchers have approached us (the coaches) about having a bigger role in game calling. We thought that was a great idea, so we're going to have our catcher(s) call their own game for 1 full inning with each pitcher, just to see how things go. Developing our catcher's will only help improve our pitchers." Just be sure to do this with ALL the pitchers - keep it even handed.

If your catcher's already call the pitches for everyone but Daddy's Little Precious, just change the approach to something like "the catcher's aren't developing as good a rapport with your daughter as with the other pitchers, so they asked...".

Have you ever approached the Dad about him not calling pitches? Maybe approach him with enough of a game plan so he could see you're not going to "wing it" and ruin his Preciouses ERA through gross negligence.

Still another baby step to take is to let him keep calling the pitches, but establish "team guidelines" that everyone will follow, no matter who's in the circle. "No 3-0 change-ups". "No change-ups when a batter was WAY behind the fastball". "try to follow a low changeup with an up-in-the-zone fastball/riseball/rampball to change a hitter's eye-level", etc. It could be a way to re-assert some semblance of authority, and at the same time (hopefully) prevent too much of the overly-optimistic pitch calling.

Last suggestion is to put in a rookie catcher. "Hey Dad - this is little Janet's first time behind the dish - we need to keep it FB/CU for the next few innings, OK?".

I'm not saying you haven't thought of any or all of the above already, and I wouldn't be shocked to find that Dad is such a tightly-wound mountain of an A-hole that any little provocation will end in eruption. Just wondering if any less-drastic measures to resolve the situation have been tried.

Best of luck. Sounds like you have a great program going there.

I wouldn't be shocked to find that Dad is such a tightly-wound mountain of an A-hole that any little provocation will end in eruption.

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This kind of sums up the consensus on DFP-stop reading the posts and take some action! We are curious as to the outcome.