Dealing with a delusional parent who thinks he is a coach

When the second sentence in the original post is about your 100% winning record, you can't say the wins don't mean anything to you. The wins are important enough to be the lead of your post, so they obviously do mean something.

Some random thoughts...
1) Why is your DD still playing REC after 5 years if your team is able to compete with TB teams?
2) REC should be about fun and fundamentals. If you are concerned about winning you are doing it wrong.
3) Psycho softball parent are real and they are everywhere.
4) Pitchers parents are more psycho than most.

I'll take a stab at these.

JAD said:

Some random thoughts...
1) Why is your DD still playing REC after 5 years if your team is able to compete with TB teams?

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If our daughters were 2 of only 3 or 4 that can play at travel level, it would make sense to put them on a travel team. Since we can field a whole team of travel level girls all from the same school and grade, why wouldn't we keep them together? In 2 years they will all be on the same high school team.

2) REC should be about fun and fundamentals. If you are concerned about winning you are doing it wrong.

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Since we have some (4 or so on a 13 girl team) that aren't capable at playing at a travel level, rec is the place. If we put all the other girls on a travel team, there wouldn't be enough left to field a rec team. Since our emphasis has been keeping as many girls playing as possible, it makes sense to keep a rec team. Also, I don't want for people to get the wrong impression. This is a very competitive rec league. Most of the teams have girls that play travel as well, so it's not like we roll every team and our girls get nothing out of it.

grcsftball, of course the wins mean something. We have put a ton of work into this team and are very good as a result. The parents, coaches and players all have high expectations for this season. Personally, i'm willing to sacrifice that to be rid of the situation, so you can't say that's the only thing that matters to me. It is a fair question though, to ask yourself what the players would think. if asked the question "would you rather have this parent/daughter on the team and have to deal with the parent, or have them gone knowing we won't win as much?", the kid's response does matter (not that i would ask them that). It's possible the kids will be mad at me for chasing them off. Maybe the kids don't think much about it and wouldn't understand why i'm making such a huge deal. Maybe they would agree with me. I can't be the only person who is completely fed up with it and make a solo decision that negatively affects everyone else. That's just selfish. I know the players in general find the dad very annoying. Just not sure if they would agree with me that they would rather have these two, the daughter whom they are friends with, off the team to be rid of the parent.

As far as us competing with travel teams and still being in rec, it's a small community. These parents are willing to play a few open tournaments here and there but not go all out into travel ball. Some don't have the money, and some of the girls do other sports and wouldn't be able to handle that commitment. Also, it's because we have taught fundamentals so effectively that we are now competing with TB teams. I also coach my younger daughter's team and those practices are completely based on fundamentals. They are just an average team, but the 14U team is exceptional. It's a tough call to make a decision that could split one of those kids off from a team that has worked so hard and is so family-like. I'm ready to make that decision but it's not easy, and i don't want to do it without buy-in from my other coaches.

Trojans29 said:

I'm glad you proved my point here about assumptions. The best way to balance the teams is to put the dominant pitcher on one, and most of the best hitters on the other. Benny and I's daughters fall into the hitter category, so she generally isn't with us until the team reunites for fall ball.

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Doesn't sound like Benny was all heartbroken by that.

These are fair assessments. I assure you that it is done with the best intentions. Remember, this isn't a travel team with girls from all over. If her dad forces her off the team, she has to see the rest of these players every day at school.

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*shrug* So? All that means is they don't need to be on the same softball team to be friends.

The high school program has averaged about 3 wins a year for the last decade (Only 12 girls on the roster, not even enough for a JV). We thought the best way to help build the program would be from the youth leagues up.

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And you are correct. That is the way to do it. On my DD's High School team everyone but the three girls who moved into the area when they were older played Rec in our local program and then played travel with our Travel Program.

However, as they all developed at different speeds and different things happened, there is currently 7 travel programs represented on the team. Everything from national level programs to local B-level teams. In the end, you only have (some) control over the kid living in your house - parents will do what they perceive as the best thing for their kid whether it is right or wrong. It happens especially as they get older - that it hasn't happened yet to your teams is very likely a testament to what you have been doing, but you can see it starting. And that is OK.

This girl is gone btw. As I said earlier and you guys have confirmed, the pure travel teams have noticed and Dad is already searching out guesting opportunities or being asked by other teams to come guest with them. He is looking at this as moving onwards and upwards and they are selling the whole 'why are you playing rec and beating up on players who can't even play' and 'You will only get better by playing better teams all the time' angle.

I will say this - why are you still playing REC which doesn't sound very challenging for your kids? Time to go chase some competition more often. If you dominate rec with a split team, you are in the wrong competition. Maybe your decision is not about him, but whether he is right in moving on to full time travel and better competition. Maybe this is the time for you to do that as well - with or without him.

Theres been a lot of talk about how this parent affects the coaches and you view him as a cancer. Do other parents see it as well? Do the kids see him in that light too or do they feel his daughter gets the "star treatment" if the answer is no then as adults deal w the moron. If the answer is kids and parents see it and they're grumbling about it then you have a much bigger problem

Benny13082 said:

As far as us competing with travel teams and still being in rec, it's a small community. These parents are willing to play a few open tournaments here and there but not go all out into travel ball. Some don't have the money, and some of the girls do other sports and wouldn't be able to handle that commitment. Also, it's because we have taught fundamentals so effectively that we are now competing with TB teams.

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And the ones that do have the money and are willing to make the commitment will do so.

You are in an age group where this is going to happen whether you want it to or not - the goals/expectations/interest/etc split in all directions real quick with parents and with the players. You need to decide what you and your teams are and how many parents/players have similar level interests. There is nothing wrong with being a local travel team or a part time travel team or any other identity - it is when there is major disagreements on what you should be that you will have the issues.

Dominant pitchers shouldn't play rec anyway. We thought about playing 12U rec this year (DD is 10U) to ease her into the 12" ball but quickly realized she'd just strike everyone out anyway. It's not that she's so super awesome no one can hit her, she gets hit in travel plenty. But it had been awhile since we played rec. Went to watch a game and realized it wouldn't improve her skills, it would only waste her time and ours. If this girl is as good as it sounds like she is, she has no business in rec and you should just let her go with well wishes. Then you don't have to deal with daddy anymore, and she will be able to grow as a pitcher instead of just rolling over everyone. Your team will improve as the defense will actually do something besides standing there and watching the pitcher strike everybody out. And your lower level pitchers will improve more quickly as they get innings, which is what rec ball is supposed to be about. I personally can't even imagine 5 years of rec ball; we would all die of boredom. But if the parents don't want to go to travel, it is what it is.

You are a coach caught in the proverbial pickle. You think you have problems now, wait till that boil festers
untreated for a few more months. It is going to pop and be a nasty mess if left untreated. You started the infection by
inviting a dad into YOUR dugout

Sounds like dad has painted you into a corner. Time to have a conversation with 2 coaches, player and daddy. Be 100% frank and honest.
Let him know that his calling pitches is not benefitting the other team mates and offer him your well thought out solution
to best utilize her while he has a seat in RF or wherever he is most comfortable. He is toxic and will affect the other parents if in bleachers.

In a similar situation at that age, I had a dad who asked to be in dugout to call pitches. I immediately told him it was out of the question.
At seasons end, she found a new team, no hard feelings.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF HER WALKING OUT! In the long run, you will be able to live your life without worry. Whatever happens happens-
move forward with no regrets it is just softball.

If OPs team is 15-0, it would seem Dad's pitch calling has worked out ok.