Team is a vehicle for coach's daughter, not much more.

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Apr 26, 2019
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I'm sure this has been covered ad nauseum. Nevertheless, first year 12U team. Coach basically thinks her daughter is Cal Ripken in an 11 year old girl's body. She is not. And that is fine.

The issue is the team appears to be nothing more than a vessel to promote Coach's DD and to feed the coach herself's ego. There is so much to this i don't have the time or bandwidth to probably do it justice.

I know, there are those here who contend, Coach's daughters are usually the best. She isn't. Her mom (what she is called during practice, not coach) wouldn't know it.

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk? This team has issues, most do. But, it is much more than a vehicle to promote one player.

Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.
 
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Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I think most teams with parent coaches are like this to some extent, and we call it "Daddy Ball"...or I guess in your case "Mommy Ball". That doesn't necessarily mean those teams or the coaches are bad. DD's team somewhat falls into this category, but the coach's kid is a good player and an even better person. Most parents who coach do so because of their kid, and there are many aspects of running a team that are a total pain in the butt. Over time, I've learned to give the HC some rope, even when he's pissing me off. I'd suggest that it's something you'll need to learn to accept...within limits.

The question is does it meet your needs? Is your kid getting some reasonably good coaching, or at least some good playing time? Does the team win some games? Is she having a good time?

If the answer to most of that is "yes", then enjoy and don't worry about the rest. If the team is a clown show and your kid is miserable, then the answer is obvious.
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
I'm sure this has been covered ad nauseum. Nevertheless, first year 12U team. Coach basically thinks her daughter is Cal Ripken in an 11 year old girl's body. She is not. And that is fine.

The issue is the team appears to be nothing more than a vessel to promote Coach's DD and to feed the coach herself's ego. There is so much to this i don't have the time or bandwidth to probably do it justice.

I know, there are those here who contend, Coach's daughters are usually the best. She isn't. Her mom (what she is called during practice, not coach) wouldn't know it.

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk? This team has issues, most do. But, it is much more than a vehicle to promote one player.

Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.
Sounds like you have made an honest assessment of the situation. It is what it is, so leave ASAP.
 
Feb 3, 2016
502
43
I've witnessed a couple of versions.
Great coach, great player
Bad coach, bad player
Average coach, average player
Every variation of those combos mentioned above.

I feel the worst combo also includes a coach who really doesn't care for any player but their kid. Prime positions only and the kid acts like she's in charge of the team because she is.

Some put up a great front and make up some version of the "Family" shirt printed up or something like it.

Fake people always suck and it's so much better when you finally find the real people who do care.

Part of everyone's Softball journey.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
 

Top_Notch

Screwball
Dec 18, 2014
512
63
The real issue, IMO, stems from not having a true and unbiased opinion of DD and her abilities. Especially, if the coach's kid plays the same position as yours!

Looking back, my opinion was, no coach's kid 14U or older. Period. DD had to leave her team and organization in order to do so. It was difficult to find a non parent coached team, even at 'A' level. The teams with paid non-parents coach's are much more selective in their bid process. Luckily, DD had several offers, so that told me what I knew already. She now has great coach's (former D1 players at her position), a dedicated recruiter, and nothing but unbiased opinions. If DD isn't playing, there's a good reason.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
you can have parent coaches at any level that are great or horrible, and entire range in between. DDS current team coach has Dd on team, one of the teams pitchers, shes been struggling in the circle, has not seen circle time in several weeks in games, and the indicators are it will stay that way until she sorts it out in practice. luckily, team is blessed with 4 other capable pitchers. and is harder on his daughter (and his neice) than any other players on the team. neither get the PT at the positions they prefer that they would like.

have been on the other side as well, purely D level team (D is for Daddy). HC + 4AC, guess who batted 1-5 (;))? HC told me prior to one game he would try my DD in #2 spot, see how she did, went 2 for 3 with a double, couple RBIs, next game right back to #6 or 7. meanwhile Leadoff had terrible OBP, 4 hole hitter was strikeout queen with weak contact when it was made. SS could not field ball cleanly (every ground got into glove, back down to dirt, then back in glove to cries of "eat it".

if your DD is having fun, developing, and getting PT (you did not say, so you really have to evaluate this), the grass is not always greener, but always keep your eyes open as well for other opportunities. I highly reccomend attending a couple of tryouts every season just to see what is out there.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
All the daddy/mommy ball chatter comes to a new reality when you play on a team without a coaches kid on it,...
Only to find favoritism can be everywhere!
And recognizing~
Playing time is really competing to earn the spot or
"Trying to get as good as you can until every tryout you go to offers you a spot."
Til finally
"The best teams in your area approach you offerng a spot with no tryout!"

Team scenario's are life lessons!
Focus on your softball goals!

75% playing time is a good goal at minimum.
50% primary position
25% secondary
 
Last edited:

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
The real issue, IMO, stems from not having a true and unbiased opinion of DD and her abilities. Especially, if the coach's kid plays the same position as yours!

Looking back, my opinion was, no coach's kid 14U or older. Period. DD had to leave her team and organization in order to do so. It was difficult to find a non parent coached team, even at 'A' level. The teams with paid non-parents coach's are much more selective in their bid process. Luckily, DD had several offers, so that told me what I knew already. She now has great coach's (former D1 players at her position), a dedicated recruiter, and nothing but unbiased opinions. If DD isn't playing, there's a good reason.

The reasons for bias may be different with a non-parent coached team, but I'm not sure there's any such thing as an "unbiased opinion" in sports. I've seen many ridiculously bad coaching decisions made by non-parents that were clearly based on their personal biases and pre-judgements about what makes a good player. Show me a HS coach, and I can probably show you someone who fits this description.

While parent-coached teams can have their issues, probably more good college players have come from those than anything else. DD's team, even with its own "daddy-ball" issues, routinely beats teams with non-parent coaches. The parent coach is often far more personally engaged because of their kid, and will pour extra time and money into making the team work. IF they're one of the "good" parent coaches, I believe this is preferable to the purely transactional paid travel-ball or HS coach.
 
Jul 3, 2013
438
43
I'm sure this has been covered ad nauseum. Nevertheless, first year 12U team. Coach basically thinks her daughter is Cal Ripken in an 11 year old girl's body. She is not. And that is fine.

The issue is the team appears to be nothing more than a vessel to promote Coach's DD and to feed the coach herself's ego. There is so much to this i don't have the time or bandwidth to probably do it justice.

I know, there are those here who contend, Coach's daughters are usually the best. She isn't. Her mom (what she is called during practice, not coach) wouldn't know it.

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk? This team has issues, most do. But, it is much more than a vehicle to promote one player.

Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.
Our first travel team was a first year 12C team. We joined mid-winter, they had just started travel in the fall after playing together for several years with the local LL. Coached by two of the dads.

We know now that we could have passed and kept looking for a team, but at that age every team locally was coached by dads. It would have been impossible to avoid.

We watched the next year and a half unfold before us, and we learned a lot. We saw the behavior and drama of all of the parents. We saw (or heard about) what the coaches had to deal with every time they had any sort of contact with parents. Games, practices, fundraisers, meetings, even just running into someone at the store. As you say, every team has issues, but the coaches and their DDs were not the problem with this team. It was every parent trying to micromanage their own DD and , as a result, micromanage the coaches.

It all made whatever coaching decisions we didn't agree with seem quite trivial.

Leave the team now or relax and enjoy the ride. Actually, you can do both. Focus on the enjoy the ride part, though.

P.S. What would you honestly expect an 11 year old to call her mom, except for Mom ?
 

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