Dealing with gay/bi players

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Jun 11, 2012
741
63
So yes, it is a problem. Teenage relationships by definition are dramatic. I do not have the answer. Does a coach protect his team from potential drama by not allowing or discouraging any inter team relationships? Does the coach not offer a spot on the team if player is gay because he knows or at least feels it would upset the team chemistry? I have seen this happen. How about an all gay team? What if the drama negatively affects their play. What if the gay couple or couples on the team have a falling out and the number one pitcher and SS quit just before a big showcase? It is a problem.
It’s not a problem until you make it one. There is as much chance of players leaving because they have a falling out with a BFF than if a relationship fails. Whether a player is gay should have zero impact on if that coach offers the player a spot on the team. And if it does that’s a coach I wouldn’t want my kid playing for
 
Apr 20, 2018
4,581
113
SoCal
I certainly wouldn’t encourage relationships between teammates but if they happen they happen. Teenage girls are full of drama by nature, some less than others, some thrive on drama.
but honestly even asking if they should hang out together or have late night swims is a touch homophobic. They are figuring out who they are, it’s tough enough being a teenage girl without a parent even suggesting they can’t hang out like they always have because one of them is gay.
If it starts causing problems that affect the team playing/practicing effectively then address it but if no one is getting hurt why is it a problem or a concern?
Are you or would you be concerned If DD was hanging out or sleeping over or having late night swims with a male companion? It is not necessarily homophobic. It is parenting.

Probably not if but when.
I believe that there is a darn good chance that having teenage couples on the team is going to cause drama and will affect the team. Just being realistic.
 
Feb 10, 2018
496
93
NoVA
Are you or would you be concerned If DD was hanging out or sleeping over or having late night swims with a male companion? It is not necessarily homophobic. It is parenting.

Probably not if but when.
I believe that there is a darn good chance that having teenage couples on the team is going to cause drama and will affect the team. Just being realistic.
I didn't catch the OP's DD age, but says she is on a second year 16U team. That probably makes her 16 or 17 years old. Not saying there isn't a role for a parent to guide or help their child think through things at that age, but in a year or two they are going to be fully empowered to make these decisions on their own if they choose to.

I do agree, as a general matter, that romantic relationships within the team is probably not the best of ideas, but, as someone else said, busted platonic friendships on the team might end up just as bad or worse.
 
Jun 11, 2012
741
63
Are you or would you be concerned If DD was hanging out or sleeping over or having late night swims with a male companion? It is not necessarily homophobic. It is parenting.

Probably not if but when.
I believe that there is a darn good chance that having teenage couples on the team is going to cause drama and will affect the team. Just being realistic.
Sure I’d have an issue if my 17 year old DD was sleeping over a boys house. But another girl, gay or not, I would have zero issue with.

There’s a pretty good chance that at least one of your (collectively) DD’s best friends is either gay or bi and you just don’t know it yet. Are you saying you’d treat them differently if you knew?
 
Jun 11, 2012
741
63
Can't wrap my head around this logic. Are you prejudice against males? Are you heterophobic? What if it was a gay boy?
Note: These questions are intended to provoke thought and at the same time be semi humorous.
A teenage gay girl is not going to get my daughter pregnant.
FWIW, DD is 20 now so no longer a teen.

DD has friends both male and female that are gay. Her best friend who is like a daughter to me is gay, this kid spent as much time at my house as she did at her own for years, was I supposed to start treating her differently when she came to me and told me she thought she was gay?
I treat them the exact same way I would treat a heterosexual teenage boy or girl.
 
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
At that age and depending on my child's personality (e.g., can she stand up for herself and not be coerced/pressured), I'd leave it alone. DD has a good softball friend who has recently come out as bi, and we recently hosted her for three days (she lives out of state and was in town for a tournament). I had no hesitation whatsoever to let her stay in DD's room. DD told me all about the situation and how she had accepted her friend's coming out with no problem. They just quickly established that my DD isn't gay or bi and it was not an issue at all after that. I do agree that some girls can and do aggressively pursue teammates and that is not OK. If word of that gets to a coach, then it's time for a chat with the offending party. Aside from that, I wouldn't worry about it. Now, if the girls in question were 12, I might feel a bit differently.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Never had an issue of this type. However, I have been a part of a team with some other issues.

* One player was dating the brother of another player. When they broke up things became pretty nasty between the two players.

" Another player started dating the ex-boyfriend of another player. This immediately became ugly. Then this boy was messing around with both of them behind the other's back. Then things really got messy.

I could provide several other examples all from the same high school team. None of these examples have anything to do with orientation but drama can occur regardless of that factor.
 

NBECoach

Learning everyday
Aug 9, 2018
408
63
I have a semi-related situation which I observed over the winter in HS basketball that at some point will happen if it hasn't already in softball.

I attended a girls basketball game this past winter. The opposition was not very talented except for 1 player who could out jump every player on the court and scored 21 of their teams 24 points. While I have no evidence other than my eyes and basketball experience, in my opinion the player had not been born female. I was not the only observer that made this comment.

I have hesitated to bring ths up. I am not making a judgement on this, just an observation.

Has anyone had this happen in older TB, or HS?
 
Sep 13, 2020
63
18
A very complex and challenging discussion on that one. Living in CT, this has been in the news frequently because of two trans athletes who have had significant success in track and field. It's become a highly charged political discussion with strong ideological lines being drawn, lawsuits filed, and threats of federal funds being withheld.

We've mostly come to accept girls playing in men's sports into high school since the best boys are almost always bigger, stronger and better than the best girls and those girls who choose to participate (either because of remarkable skills or intense desire) are few and far between. My DDs both played baseball into middle school, including on a full size field, until the boys got their full growth and strength and they had trouble keeping up. We heard a few parents complain that they were taking playing time that some of their sons should have (this was a rec league, not club) and that the girls should stick to softball (which they also play). There were others who were very supportive.

We don't accept boys into women's sports for the opposite reason. Aside from the cultural stigma, most boys would have a significant strength advantage and crowd out girls from their own sports. So, what to do about trans athletes who may have biological advantages but want to compete on teams that match their gender identity? In CT, the state athletic conference says they can do so (rightly or wrongly). Whichever side of the equation you come down on, someone loses. There's no "win-win" here.
 

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