...feeling burnt out?? Would like dad help on this one.

uncdrew · Jun 12, 2020

softball.girl40 said:
Thank you for this. He has never said anything about me stopping softball. I'm not sure he can even fathom with it to be honest. He also is a sports man, and I actually do paint and make sculptures and love that, but dear god let me tell you, that is not for him. As for the pause, I haven't played a game since early March. This COVID situation has given me the biggest pause I've ever had. And, it has made me sort of realize, am I really happier with softball? Or is doing other things with my time the way to go? With COVID I was able to do so many enjoyable things at home, and I really enjoyed it. I love the game of softball, but the lockdown has made me question my passion to play it.
Anyways, thanks for all of your kind responses. My dad kind of shuts me out other than softball, and our relationship isn't very good off the field. I appreciate the dad perspective on things, because when I ask my teammates, they really don't know.

Well I gotta say, you sound awesome. I hope my 10 and 12 year old girl show as much poise, maturity and self-realization as you do.

We dad's get a bit intense on the softball stuff, don't we? I found myself worrying about my DD's pitching last weekend after an average outing. She's 10. 10?!? And I'm worried?

What is wrong with me, eh?

I quickly snapped back to just wanting her to have fun, and left the challenge she had pitching last weekend to her and her coach to work out.

My advice is worth 2 cents, and 2 cents isn't all that much. But I'd just let the Covid-19 thing do what it's going to do, and not make any serious decisions yet. And I'd go to that first practice when the coach gets y'all back together and see how it all feels. Lacing up the shoes, tossing a ball with a friend... the passion may come flying back.

And then play that first tournament. Give it your all. You might find the competition and the adrenaline fuels your passion.

We're all kind of in a funk right now. Times are weird. A good rule in life is to never make big decisions when times are weird. Just chill, just breathe, just observe...

cnardone · Jun 12, 2020

Just make sure you tell your dad that
That this decision is not forever. Just for now. That you just need a break and you'll take another look next season.
you'll still go have catches with him sometimes.

mmeece · Jun 12, 2020

Just a few thoughts in somewhat random order, but hopefully there's something helpful here:

-Your dad likely treasures the time you spend together during softball more than you realize, but it's the time spent together in a common pursuit that is much more important than the pursuit itself.
-We had a similar situation with my dd and she was afraid to tell me. When we finally discussed it, she realized it was pitching she was burned out on, not softball. The same could apply to your position, your team, or your coach. Maybe a new situation could help.
-Don't quit until you're sure! If it just isn't EVER fun anymore then, by all means, hang it up for a while. But if you still enjoy the competition and girls then stick around until you know for sure.
-Your dad doesn't want you to quit; I can pretty much promise you that. I can almost guarantee that he REALLY doesn't want to travel around the country for the next 2 years only to find out that you only did it for him and it turns out that you don't want to play in college.
-Don't get too caught up in if softball makes you "happy". It's a tough grind and takes so much time away from everything else that "happy" is the wrong word. Does it make you feel accomplished or proud? Do you enjoy the time spent with dad and friends? Is the actual time on the field enjoyable? That's how I would evaluate it.
-What would you do with the time you don't spend on softball anymore? Is it something that would truly give more lasting happiness or pride in yourself? Something you're much more driven to do?

Eric F · Jun 12, 2020

I can't tell you what to do, but I can share our experience...

My DD started playing softball at 8yo, and quickly developed into a top player in her league. At 10yo, we made the move to TB, and she played at an increasingly high level into 16U. This past fall, at 15yo, she hit a wall. She was with a top-level 16U team, with a very regimented training and recruiting program. Combined with an injury that limited her to just hitting, and some non-softball struggles, she lost the fun of playing the game. She got to the point where she didn't want to be on the field any more. Like a large majority of the parents on this site, softball became a part of me, too. I had been a team coach in the past, and continued to be involved with every team she played on in some way. Softball was also my social circle. I made a lot of good friends, and always looked forward to spending time with them at the field or on the road.

My DD was afraid to tell me that she wanted to quit. She thought I would be mad. When she finally worked up the nerve to talk about it, I wasn't mad. I was surprised, but not mad. We talked through her situation, her reasons for wanting to stop playing, team commitment, etc. She was still looking forward to HS ball, because it was fun for her. She liked her HS teammates and coach a lot. In our discussion, we decided that retiring from her fall TB team, and taking a break from the game for a while was the best choice. After the HS season, we would see how she felt about a return to TB. During this time, I realized that in her 5 years of playing TB, she had never had more than 3 weeks in a row away from team activities. I started to see a clearer picture about why she was feeling burned out.

My DD went into the HS season with enthusiasm, and was killing it on the field. Unfortunately, the season got cut short for everyone, but it re-ignited her spark for softball, and her desire to keep playing TB. However, the focus changed. No longer were we looking for a team what might get her seen by the best college coaches. She wants to play the game for fun, and see what happens from there. My DD decided to join a lower-level local TB team run by a guy who has been a good friend since our rec ball days. This experience has also changed the path for college ball. It's not longer about playing for the best softball program. It's about finding the right school for her academic goals, and hopefully softball will also fit into that picture. All that said, if HS ball was a bad experience for her, this story might be totally different.

Like many of us, my DD and I have spent countless hundreds (thousands?) of hours in the car together, traveling to and from practices, lessons, games, and tournaments. We talk some. We always listen to music. Sometimes we get upset with each other. With the CV19 quarantine, I completely expected my DD to keep her distance from me, and just do her own thing. The opposite has been true. We play a lot of cards together - sometimes for hours, and always with music. Any trip to the store, she wants to go with me. She still asks to throw the ball in the street or go to the park to hit. The lack of softball has probably helped our relationship more than hurt it.

The way I look at it, softball is my DD's journey, not mine. I've found ways to be involved because that's my nature. For me, the best thing of all is having a front row seat to my DD being awesome at something she loves to do. My passion for softball is a reflection of her passion. If she's not having fun playing the game, forcing her to continue would not be a comfortable place for me. She plays for herself, not for me.

Side note...When she told us that she wanted to stop playing, and we came to the decision that it was the right choice, I was pretty sad for about a week. It felt like a relationship break-up. I got over it, though, and I was never upset with my DD for her decision.

ANNASDAD · Jun 12, 2020

@Eric F
That's an awesome write up! It's something I'm dealing with right now (as in right now), so that was a good read for me!

softball.girl40 · Jun 12, 2020

Chris8 said:
Couple thoughts for you and our journey so far.

I've heard many great things from different coaches. One that stuck with me was for my DS at age 12. He had a regular season head coach who was also his AS coach as well. At the end of every season he told the boys. "If you had a great time this season, come back next year. If you didn't have a great time, or it didn't go as well as you'd like, or play as much or as well as you'd like, COME BACK NEXT YEAR. If you have two years in a row of the same and want to leave the game do so knowing you gave it another shot and it wasn't just one season. Once you leave the game, it's hard to come back to it. I've seen too many talented players hang it up over one season. Do this for yourself and no one else".

I've taken that speech, slightly modified, to every team I've coached since then. So in this case my suggestion is see how it goes one more season. If the feelings are the same then you know for sure about the changes you want to make....for you.

My DD has our permission to stop softball anytime. We will support her in her endeavors and she has others outside softball. Softball, as you know, consumes a lot of time.

The Covid break ended her first HS season. She/we took this time as an opportunity to train individually. There were some days that....well....it seemed like she didn't want to continue, and that would have been ok. We had that conversation but the next day she was up and at it again. We played our first games this past weekend. She did GREAT and it was a reinforcement of the hard work and discipline she put in paid off. AND that first game back...she realized how much she'd missed playing and had a new found appreciation for when she hangs up the cleats as well. But for now...grateful to be playing again.

Talk with your Dad, best you can. DD and I have talked a lot about the future, the end of softball, me returning to coaching (not necessarily her teams) and us coaching together sometime in the future. She told her mom these conversations were liberating to her to pursue or not pursue softball with out worrying about dad.

I wouldn't trade all the time I've spent with DD.

Good luck to you. Please keep us informed how things go, positively I hope.

This comment was so helpful. Thanks!

softball.girl40 · Jun 12, 2020

Eric F said:
I can't tell you what to do, but I can share our experience...

My DD started playing softball at 8yo, and quickly developed into a top player in her league. At 10yo, we made the move to TB, and she played at an increasingly high level into 16U. This past fall, at 15yo, she hit a wall. She was with a top-level 16U team, with a very regimented training and recruiting program. Combined with an injury that limited her to just hitting, and some non-softball struggles, she lost the fun of playing the game. She got to the point where she didn't want to be on the field any more. Like a large majority of the parents on this site, softball became a part of me, too. I had been a team coach in the past, and continued to be involved with every team she played on in some way. Softball was also my social circle. I made a lot of good friends, and always looked forward to spending time with them at the field or on the road.

My DD was afraid to tell me that she wanted to quit. She thought I would be mad. When she finally worked up the nerve to talk about it, I wasn't mad. I was surprised, but not mad. We talked through her situation, her reasons for wanting to stop playing, team commitment, etc. She was still looking forward to HS ball, because it was fun for her. She liked her HS teammates and coach a lot. In our discussion, we decided that retiring from her fall TB team, and taking a break from the game for a while was the best choice. After the HS season, we would see how she felt about a return to TB. During this time, I realized that in her 5 years of playing TB, she had never had more than 3 weeks in a row away from team activities. I started to see a clearer picture about why she was feeling burned out.

My DD went into the HS season with enthusiasm, and was killing it on the field. Unfortunately, the season got cut short for everyone, but it re-ignited her spark for softball, and her desire to keep playing TB. However, the focus changed. No longer were we looking for a team what might get her seen by the best college coaches. She wants to play the game for fun, and see what happens from there. My DD decided to join a lower-level local TB team run by a guy who has been a good friend since our rec ball days. This experience has also changed the path for college ball. It's not longer about playing for the best softball program. It's about finding the right school for her academic goals, and hopefully softball will also fit into that picture. All that said, if HS ball was a bad experience for her, this story might be totally different.

Like many of us, my DD and I have spent countless hundreds (thousands?) of hours in the car together, traveling to and from practices, lessons, games, and tournaments. We talk some. We always listen to music. Sometimes we get upset with each other. With the CV19 quarantine, I completely expected my DD to keep her distance from me, and just do her own thing. The opposite has been true. We play a lot of cards together - sometimes for hours, and always with music. Any trip to the store, she wants to go with me. She still asks to throw the ball in the street or go to the park to hit. The lack of softball has probably helped our relationship more than hurt it.

The way I look at it, softball is my DD's journey, not mine. I've found ways to be involved because that's my nature. For me, the best thing of all is having a front row seat to my DD being awesome at something she loves to do. My passion for softball is a reflection of her passion. If she's not having fun playing the game, forcing her to continue would not be a comfortable place for me. She plays for herself, not for me.

Side note...When she told us that she wanted to stop playing, and we came to the decision that it was the right choice, I was pretty sad for about a week. It felt like a relationship break-up. I got over it, though, and I was never upset with my DD for her decision.

Wow. Your relationship with your daughter sounds amazing. It's good to hear from a lot of dads on here that they wouldn't be angry with their kid, just a bit sad at first. It sounds like we have had similar experiences with the father daughter relationship in terms of intensity of play, which is a relief. I was just worried that since I've worked so hard to get to where I am now, that it would all seem like a waste to throw it away and join some local team. I need to work on my relationship with my dad though. Thanks for the thoughtful response!

sluggers · Jun 12, 2020

softball.girl40 said:
I have been playing VERY COMPETITIVE softball since I was around 8. Now I am a teenager and I am kind of feeling burnt out of the sport. My parents have spent thousands of dollars traveling to long distance tournaments and getting lessons, etc., and if I quit now, I'd feel really guilty. Also, my dad and I don't spend much time together other than softball. I'm worried about our relationship, if he might get mad, or if it might just go off the rails or something. My dad is also just as obsessed with softball as I was before I started feeling this way. He has literally never missed one of my games. Ever. He has cancelled plans, meetings, etc. I just want some wisdom, or advice from some softball dads I guess. How would you feel in this situation?? Or like just opinions on getting burnt out? Maybe its just quarantine, but I really am losing the passion I once had for this sport. Let me know please <3

My guess is that you have something else would rather do with your time. So, approach your parents and tell them that you want to spend some time doing something other than softball.

The deal is this: You are more familiar with the game than your parents. Most things in life, they know more about than you. Softball isn't one of them.

This actually happened to me...my DD#3 quit softball her junior year of HS. It upset me. After the initial shock, I was OK with it. She had specific plans to do other things, which she did. She did great things outside of softball.

Eric F · Jun 12, 2020

softball.girl40 said:
Wow. Your relationship with your daughter sounds amazing. It's good to hear from a lot of dads on here that they wouldn't be angry with their kid, just a bit sad at first. It sounds like we have had similar experiences with the father daughter relationship in terms of intensity of play, which is a relief. I was just worried that since I've worked so hard to get to where I am now, that it would all seem like a waste to throw it away and join some local team. I need to work on my relationship with my dad though. Thanks for the thoughtful response!

Our relationship has definitely had it's rough spots. I was always one of her team coaches from 8U to 12U. At the end of it, she was getting pretty resentful of me being on the field with her, despite my efforts to treat her the same way as her teammates. At 14U, she moved to a new team, and my role changed to being outside-the-fence support (running GameChanger and video). Getting me off the field was good for her development, and our relationship. I also pulled back from being directly involved with her hitting and catching instruction. We still have had some rough patches, but not related to softball.

As for it being a "waste" to change path, or leave the game, I don't look at it that way. I've never looked at the time, effort, and money as an investment towards something in the future (college scholarship). It's all the expenses of my DD being able to experience the activity she's passionate about at the level she's worked hard to achieve. No matter what happens next, nothing will take away the awesome things that she's experienced from playing the game with and against the best players in the country. If a scholarship happens, it's a bonus. If it doesn't, I won't consider one dollar or one minute of the money and time spent to be a waste, even if it all ends tomorrow.

chinamigarden · Jun 12, 2020

When you go to college, what is it you want to study?

...feeling burnt out?? Would like dad help on this one.

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

uncdrew

cnardone

mmeece

Eric F

ANNASDAD

softball.girl40

softball.girl40

sluggers

Super Moderator

Eric F

chinamigarden

Similar threads

Latest posts

Members online

Forum statistics

Share this page

Online statistics

Forum statistics