...feeling burnt out?? Would like dad help on this one.

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Oct 4, 2018
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This is the easiest question ever on this forum. Above all, I want my daughter to follow her heart and live a life that make her happy. If that's softball, great. If it isn't, then it isn't. She has my support no matter what she chooses. I haven't spent a dime that I regret if she quit right now, and the fun we've had playing softball can't ever be taken away.

I'd bet your dad will feel the same. It's a dad rule.

Unfortunately, it's a dad rule that many dads don't follow.

Even some that say they will.


I love softball, sometimes I think more than my DD. I tell her several times I year that softball is for her, not for me. If she wants to stop softball and start art, I'll get passionate about art along with her. Because I'm passionate about her, not the hobby/sport.

So SoftballGirl40, does your dad say that to you? Has he ever told you he's fine with you stopping softball if it's no longer fun?

Would a pause be a good idea? Just a few months off?
 
Jan 10, 2020
10
3
MY DD been playing since she was 10, (16U now), she's still playing, but I seen that she doesn't play with the same passion she had before. I've told her time and again if she wants to quit, please do, don't play for me, play for herself. To be honest, after 6 years of spending and travelling, I'd be relieved is she quit, I'm getting tired of it. As insidePitch said, I'll be happy for my daughter to play 2 more years in HS, then hang it up.

What age are you now? Has your father discussed you playing in college? I was like your father when my DD hit her prime in 12u/14u, never missed a game, always on her to practice. I've since settled way down and just go for the enjoyment of watching her play, and if she ends it tomorrow, I'd have no problem at all with it, I'd just be happy we took that ride together.
Thanks for the response. I am 16, playing 16U this summer, 18U next fall. My entire team's goal is to get recruited. That's the coach's goal for everyone, and that's why we travel so far and go to such competitive tournaments. So yes, college is a popular topic for my dad and I. This comment really helped me because, my dad and I essentially have spent nearly every weekend together since, I was like, 8, traveling and such, and while I know for a fact he would be at least a bit disappointed because of how much he loves the sport, we had some amazing times together. I am still not sure whether I am really ready to call it quits, but it helps knowing that those were times that both he and I will never forget.
 
Jan 10, 2020
10
3
Unfortunately, it's a dad rule that many dads don't follow.

Even some that say they will.


I love softball, sometimes I think more than my DD. I tell her several times I year that softball is for her, not for me. If she wants to stop softball and start art, I'll get passionate about art along with her. Because I'm passionate about her, not the hobby/sport.

So SoftballGirl40, does your dad say that to you? Has he ever told you he's fine with you stopping softball if it's no longer fun?

Would a pause be a good idea? Just a few months off?
Thank you for this. He has never said anything about me stopping softball. I'm not sure he can even fathom with it to be honest. He also is a sports man, and I actually do paint and make sculptures and love that, but dear god let me tell you, that is not for him. As for the pause, I haven't played a game since early March. This COVID situation has given me the biggest pause I've ever had. And, it has made me sort of realize, am I really happier with softball? Or is doing other things with my time the way to go? With COVID I was able to do so many enjoyable things at home, and I really enjoyed it. I love the game of softball, but the lockdown has made me question my passion to play it.
Anyways, thanks for all of your kind responses. My dad kind of shuts me out other than softball, and our relationship isn't very good off the field. I appreciate the dad perspective on things, because when I ask my teammates, they really don't know. :)
 
Jan 10, 2020
10
3
how about dialing back the travel and competiton and just enjoy the sport? life is too short to be miserable.
Definitely another option. I could totally chill with a local travel ball team for my junior and senior year, and just not play in college. It's just hard to quit because I have worked my @ss off for years trying to get in the position I'm in right now.
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
My advice is to make sure what you want (as much as you can at your age) and talk to your dad. It's your life and you need to live how you want to. I'm guessing he'll be a little hurt but in the end if he does all this to go to your games that he really cares a lot more about you than he does about softball.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
We had some amazing times together. I am still not sure whether I am really ready to call it quits, but it helps knowing that those were times that both he and I will never forget.
This is the best thing to relay to your father.
( perhaps him reading this thread?)

At this place in teens becomming adults start to make bigger decisions. A realization of what we may want to tackle leaving the nest starts to become a heavier topic.

Sounds like you and your father have had a wonderful journey together!
After high school is a journey you will take on in the next chapter of life, if you choose.
That thought process MAY be the heavy part. Only you know if softball is fun or a chore.

However you care to handle this,
Communicating with your father what you are experiencing will offer the opportunity for him to understand, support you and probably a well deserved hug for both of you!

Best of Luck!
 
Last edited:
Dec 10, 2015
845
63
Chautauqua County
Definitely another option. I could totally chill with a local travel ball team for my junior and senior year, and just not play in college. It's just hard to quit because I have worked my @ss off for years trying to get in the position I'm in right now.
I coach my 12U DD andshe/we have worked hard to be where she is now and where we hope to be. yes, I said "we". Coaches see things in players that sometimes players don't or can't see and it pains us greatly when a player wants to call it a day or a season or forever. It seems to me, based on what you wrote, is that the position you're in right now and what you worked your tush off for years isn't the position you expected. You're not the first player to be in this position, eh? :) As Yogi Berra said so succinctly, "when you get to a fork in the road, take it." Coaches have to accept player's choices all the time and move on with the team. Dads do to and move on with life and their daughters.
 
Jan 5, 2018
385
63
PNW
Couple thoughts for you and our journey so far.

I've heard many great things from different coaches. One that stuck with me was for my DS at age 12. He had a regular season head coach who was also his AS coach as well. At the end of every season he told the boys. "If you had a great time this season, come back next year. If you didn't have a great time, or it didn't go as well as you'd like, or play as much or as well as you'd like, COME BACK NEXT YEAR. If you have two years in a row of the same and want to leave the game do so knowing you gave it another shot and it wasn't just one season. Once you leave the game, it's hard to come back to it. I've seen too many talented players hang it up over one season. Do this for yourself and no one else".

I've taken that speech, slightly modified, to every team I've coached since then. So in this case my suggestion is see how it goes one more season. If the feelings are the same then you know for sure about the changes you want to make....for you.

My DD has our permission to stop softball anytime. We will support her in her endeavors and she has others outside softball. Softball, as you know, consumes a lot of time.

The Covid break ended her first HS season. She/we took this time as an opportunity to train individually. There were some days that....well....it seemed like she didn't want to continue, and that would have been ok. We had that conversation but the next day she was up and at it again. We played our first games this past weekend. She did GREAT and it was a reinforcement of the hard work and discipline she put in paid off. AND that first game back...she realized how much she'd missed playing and had a new found appreciation for when she hangs up the cleats as well. But for now...grateful to be playing again.

Talk with your Dad, best you can. DD and I have talked a lot about the future, the end of softball, me returning to coaching (not necessarily her teams) and us coaching together sometime in the future. She told her mom these conversations were liberating to her to pursue or not pursue softball with out worrying about dad.

I wouldn't trade all the time I've spent with DD.

Good luck to you. Please keep us informed how things go, positively I hope.
 
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
As for the pause, I haven't played a game since early March. This COVID situation has given me the biggest pause I've ever had. And, it has made me sort of realize, am I really happier with softball? Or is doing other things with my time the way to go? With COVID I was able to do so many enjoyable things at home, and I really enjoyed it. I love the game of softball, but the lockdown has made me question my passion to play it.

This is a very astute observation on your part! As others have pointed out, when you take a break from something, it can be hard to go back. That is especially true is this is something you have been doing for a long time (or even "your whole life") ... softball was your world, and when that was put on hold you discovered that "the world" is so much more than one activity. This happens as you get older and find out the world extends beyond school, your town, your state ... 🙂

Find what makes you happy. Maybe that isn't quitting altogether, but just re-framing the way you play (such as a local team with less travel and commitment). Maybe it is taking a year off. If you decide you want to play in college, pick a good school in line with your educational goals, and then contact the coach. The year off won't impact you as much as you think. Or maybe you play on a club team in college instead. There are so many options that most players don't know about.

Or ... if you want to stay around the game and make some money, become an umpire ... :p;)
 

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