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Oct 4, 2018
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You haven't detailed it explicitly, but I'm guessing that as a 10U travel team with whom you have valued friendships among the parents, that you are dealing with a group of local girls. Most of them probably go to school together, and you see these parents regularly outside of softball. I was in this exact situation a few years ago, this is how it played out.

8U rec all-star team consisted of some good players. All of the girls were friends at school, and the team had a good summer, winning lots of games. I was an AC, the coach was the rec league's VP of softball. The parents of this team all got along great, we had a wonderful summer filled with barbecues and fun practices. Heading into the fall, we all decided to form a travel team to keep the girls playing together.

We played one season. While there was minimal drama, we were a .500 team at first-year 10U. Not bad, really. But everyone had such high expectations and slowly everyone got the idea that their budding superstar would be better off on an established team.

Over the past few years, all of the girls have moved around from team to team, often with one or two of their original teammates. We still see everyone at school events, and that original group has played together in rec every year. I just finished coaching them all in what will likely be my last season as a rec coach. Now, they're all on the middle school team together and all of us parents sit together and watch.

Bottom line, even if the team doesn't survive the friendships (mostly) will.

Uh...

You're like me from the future. Scary. Uncanny really, our stories are identical.


We might be headed down that exact same road. Most of our drama came from one family (but it was spreading). I'm the type of person that wants everyone to be happy and gets more upset than most when that doesn't happen. I'm guessing if you asked most all of the parents on the team they'd say the team is great and drama minimal. Some might not even be aware.

Yes, these girls are friends now and will be in middle school. Probably very close friends as they've really bonded. I certainly don't want any bad blood with their parents, especially over such trivial stuff as them bitching about playing time (and me trying to explain why they aren't getting as much as the parent wants).

I've never seen my daughter this happy in her life. She beams from ear to ear about anything softball and her team. The core of the team is the same way. While we might fall apart as parents want more, it seems sad (and wrong) when the joy they have will be hard to replicate.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Uh...

You're like me from the future. Scary. Uncanny really, our stories are identical.


We might be headed down that exact same road. Most of our drama came from one family (but it was spreading). I'm the type of person that wants everyone to be happy and gets more upset than most when that doesn't happen. I'm guessing if you asked most all of the parents on the team they'd say the team is great and drama minimal. Some might not even be aware.

Yes, these girls are friends now and will be in middle school. Probably very close friends as they've really bonded. I certainly don't want any bad blood with their parents, especially over such trivial stuff as them bitching about playing time (and me trying to explain why they aren't getting as much as the parent wants).

I've never seen my daughter this happy in her life. She beams from ear to ear about anything softball and her team. The core of the team is the same way. While we might fall apart as parents want more, it seems sad (and wrong) when the joy they have will be hard to replicate.
Things are different now but to me ball was ball and not for making friends. The game was fun enough..I didn't need to have a bestie on the team to make it anymore fun. Friends were kids you hung out with all day in the summer and threw eggs at houses with on Halloween (don't tell my Dad). Nowadays kids spend so little time outside of organized activities that they are expected to make friends with kids they are forced to be together with..Sort of reminds me of freshmen year in college when everybody hangs out with the kids on their hall until you realize they are all morons.

You can be a great teammate and not be somebodies best friend. I don't think I had one teammate who I would have called a friend...they were teammates.

Obviously it is not wrong to be good friends with your teammates just that it isn't a necessary requirement to have a good playing experience. Coaches have to be careful that the girls who are "besties" are not cliquish and alienate the other teammates who they are not best friends with..my DD's team has a bit of a problem with this at the moment.
 
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Dec 5, 2017
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You have let this go on too long and now there is no easy way out. You are in a bad situation and this is the death rattle of many a 10U travel team.

Honestly - you probably have one chance. There is always a ring leader. Cut them now. They will do the 'the whole team will go if you cut me' thing. Don't worry about that - there is always more players or guest players. Will it work? Maybe? But it is better than what you are going through now - the parents have already called your bluff and right now they think they can get away with whatever they want.

We currently have a ringleader that unfortunately is an "assistant coach". I put it in quotations because he doesn't know his rear from his elbow when it comes to the game or coaching and definitely thinks his dd is the cornerstone of the team. Also unfortunately he is related to the hc so we are stuck with him...for now.
 
Dec 5, 2017
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Make it part of your contract that all the parents have to sit in the OF..problem solved :LOL:

Hey! That's where I sit! If they started invading my territory I would have to sit in the car and watch with binoculars. I know this was intended for Undrew but I hope our coach doesn't hear about your idea:mad:
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Hey! That's where I sit! If they started invading my territory I would have to sit in the car and watch with binoculars. I know this was intended for Undrew but I hope our coach doesn't hear about your idea:mad:
That is my designated location and is where my father used to sit. He and I sit there for different reasons though..I sit there so I can mumble to myself without anybody hearing me..he sat there so he didn't hear me mumble (ok it probably was louder than a mumble) to myself...
 
Dec 5, 2017
514
63
That is my designated location and is where my father used to sit. He and I sit there for different reasons though..I sit there so I can mumble to myself without anybody hearing me..he sat there so he didn't hear me mumble (ok it probably was louder than a mumble) to myself...

Same with me. I mumble a bit too loudly and have a really hard time controlling my facial expressions according to my wife. I'm happy where I can't hear all the bitching from the stands also.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
We currently have a ringleader that unfortunately is an "assistant coach". I put it in quotations because he doesn't know his rear from his elbow when it comes to the game or coaching and definitely thinks his dd is the cornerstone of the team. Also unfortunately he is related to the hc so we are stuck with him...for now.


Ugh.

That sounds way worse than my situation. I hope it resolves itself.
 
Jul 14, 2018
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I've never seen my daughter this happy in her life. She beams from ear to ear about anything softball and her team. The core of the team is the same way. While we might fall apart as parents want more, it seems sad (and wrong) when the joy they have will be hard to replicate.

This describes DD exactly. Cool thing about this site -- some experiences are universal. The light at the end of the tunnel is that DD still loves to go out and play softball, even though it's not with the same group of girls she began with (in TB anyway). If your daughter loves the game, the joy will be there.
 
Sep 19, 2018
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Things are different now but to me ball was ball and not for making friends. The game was fun enough..I didn't need to have a bestie on the team to make it anymore fun. ....

I hear you on this. I agree, for me, the game was all I needed. But, the fact is, boys and girls are different. My dd (first year 10U) is highly driven by the social aspect of playing with friends. I do understand that every girl is different but, I don't think this is uncommon.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
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I've loved watching a few of the kids embrace the OF this year. We had two that really stood out. One of them we tried for a back up SS (she's also a catcher) and she wasn't happy there. She's a great kid, "wherever you need me coach!" but he finally sat her down and asked her what SHE wanted. She chose OF over IF and she's a beast there so why not?

Another player considered herself a 1B who played OF when we started but I think by the end she felt like a true outfielder. Our last tournament she made an incredible diving catch. This was a kid who would barely slide a few months ago. It was fun to watch them start to really claim the OF this year.

daave266- my DD's also an infielder, and she's said several times this year she wishes she could play more OF. She was really our only SS all year so she got very little OF time. I think the opportunity to make the grand save is something they want again, once they've done it the first time. You rarely hear the parents cheer for an infield play the way they do for a great OF save.
one of DDs favorite plays she made this year was an assist to get runner going home from shallow LCF. saved a run, ended inning. only OF assist all year for the team at home. OF is her secondary positions (C), but she embraces it, realized the importance. and Cs especially need a secondary position, as any decent team has two.
 

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