Embrace and Enjoy the DD you have

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Mar 8, 2016
313
63
I am writing this to potentially help the parents of some of the younger DD's out there. It is a lengthy post and you may want to stop reading here. You need to embrace the DD you have and not try to make her the DD you want. My DD got cut from her first travel team at age 8. She broke her femur 1 week after making a travel team at age 10. She played rec ball from 7 years old till 12 years old. She played on a travel team at age 11 and was an average player on a bad travel team. She worked hard and got better. After one tournament at 12 or 13 years old we were driving back from a tournament and I was unhappy with how she had been in the dugout. I thought she should have been up on the fence and cheering the whole time her team was batting. On the ride home during my attempt to teach her a life lesson she instead instead taught me one.
She told me that she was not the same player I was and I should not try and make her that kind of player. I was floored by her very adult comment and the rest of the ride home was very quiet as I thought about what she had said. As a player in my youth I was not blessed with a lot of athletic ability and had to play harder and smarter than the other players out there to compete. My DD is blessed with athleticism however when she steps off the field it is over.
Last week I watched her dancing in center field while she was warming up between innings. My old thoughts of she shouldn't be doing that and she better start taking this more serious started creeping in. I turned to the dad who helps me score HS games and made a comment about how bad it looked for her to do that. I was sure he would agree with me. He is one of the most competitive players I know. He once got in a teammates face during a rec league softball game because he felt he should have gone to third on one of his hits. Much to my surprise he did not agree with me.
For those of you with young DDs enjoy the time you spend with them. I know you are trying to help them with everything but be careful not to push to hard. I have been there and made those mistakes. The journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I feel sure that lack of enjoying the game has caused more girls to leave than lack of talent.

Proud Softball dad
 

sjw62000

just cleaning the dugout
Sep 1, 2018
93
33
North Carolina
SBD6 thank you for your post. Personally, my DD is 12 now and started playing when she was 7 y/o. I made the same mistakes you are talking about for the first few years and very nearly drove my daughter away from playing ball. Thankfully, a deployment to faraway lands, took me away from the situation. Being away caused me to miss her first 10U season. This absence, coupled with some self-reflection and some very pointed conversations with the wife forced me to re-think the way I was approaching how DD played the game. Fast forward 5 years, DD is bracket pitching for TB and I am coaching and spending a lot of time on the bucket. My focus is to teach her the game and help her develop into the player she is going to be. By allowing her to be the player she is, providing advice and helping her become her best self our relationship is solid; both as father & daughter as well as coach & player. I say all of that to say you are right; the father-daughter relationship is much more important than the coach-player relationship and it is a fine line to walk.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
I am lucky. Whenever I start to think my DD should be more like me, I remember how miserable I was playing in games from about the age of 16 till I quit in college.. #builit-indeterrent.
 
Last edited:
Mar 22, 2016
505
63
Southern California
I am writing this to potentially help the parents of some of the younger DD's out there. It is a lengthy post and you may want to stop reading here. You need to embrace the DD you have and not try to make her the DD you want. My DD got cut from her first travel team at age 8. She broke her femur 1 week after making a travel team at age 10. She played rec ball from 7 years old till 12 years old. She played on a travel team at age 11 and was an average player on a bad travel team. She worked hard and got better. After one tournament at 12 or 13 years old we were driving back from a tournament and I was unhappy with how she had been in the dugout. I thought she should have been up on the fence and cheering the whole time her team was batting. On the ride home during my attempt to teach her a life lesson she instead instead taught me one.
She told me that she was not the same player I was and I should not try and make her that kind of player. I was floored by her very adult comment and the rest of the ride home was very quiet as I thought about what she had said. As a player in my youth I was not blessed with a lot of athletic ability and had to play harder and smarter than the other players out there to compete. My DD is blessed with athleticism however when she steps off the field it is over.
Last week I watched her dancing in center field while she was warming up between innings. My old thoughts of she shouldn't be doing that and she better start taking this more serious started creeping in. I turned to the dad who helps me score HS games and made a comment about how bad it looked for her to do that. I was sure he would agree with me. He is one of the most competitive players I know. He once got in a teammates face during a rec league softball game because he felt he should have gone to third on one of his hits. Much to my surprise he did not agree with me.
For those of you with young DDs enjoy the time you spend with them. I know you are trying to help them with everything but be careful not to push to hard. I have been there and made those mistakes. The journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I feel sure that lack of enjoying the game has caused more girls to leave than lack of talent.

Proud Softball dad

Thanks for sharing!
 
May 9, 2019
294
43
I am writing this to potentially help the parents of some of the younger DD's out there. It is a lengthy post and you may want to stop reading here. You need to embrace the DD you have and not try to make her the DD you want. My DD got cut from her first travel team at age 8. She broke her femur 1 week after making a travel team at age 10. She played rec ball from 7 years old till 12 years old. She played on a travel team at age 11 and was an average player on a bad travel team. She worked hard and got better. After one tournament at 12 or 13 years old we were driving back from a tournament and I was unhappy with how she had been in the dugout. I thought she should have been up on the fence and cheering the whole time her team was batting. On the ride home during my attempt to teach her a life lesson she instead instead taught me one.
She told me that she was not the same player I was and I should not try and make her that kind of player. I was floored by her very adult comment and the rest of the ride home was very quiet as I thought about what she had said. As a player in my youth I was not blessed with a lot of athletic ability and had to play harder and smarter than the other players out there to compete. My DD is blessed with athleticism however when she steps off the field it is over.
Last week I watched her dancing in center field while she was warming up between innings. My old thoughts of she shouldn't be doing that and she better start taking this more serious started creeping in. I turned to the dad who helps me score HS games and made a comment about how bad it looked for her to do that. I was sure he would agree with me. He is one of the most competitive players I know. He once got in a teammates face during a rec league softball game because he felt he should have gone to third on one of his hits. Much to my surprise he did not agree with me.
For those of you with young DDs enjoy the time you spend with them. I know you are trying to help them with everything but be careful not to push to hard. I have been there and made those mistakes. The journey is a marathon and not a sprint. I feel sure that lack of enjoying the game has caused more girls to leave than lack of talent.

Proud Softball dad


Thank you so much for posting this. I am the type of Dad who gives my DD an earful for not doing well in practice! I need to back off a bit and it is really nice to hear that I am not alone and that there is a support group for this!
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
If I could do it all again the one thing I would make clearer to DD is that I was behind her 100 percent but that the decisions of what team to play for was up to her. She tried to make me happy versus take the path that she wanted. She loved the game but did not want it to consume her life. I really miss watching her play the game but now get to enjoy other aspects of her life now.
 
May 22, 2015
410
28
Illinois
I was once one of those dad's that pushed a little too hard. I coached DD for a couple of years, and always expected more out of her than the rest of the team for whatever reason. I coached her the same way that my dad coached me. That doesn't work with a group of 10 year old girls lol. When I realized that I had taken the fun out of softball I stepped away, and it was probably the best decision I have made for both of us. I went from being negative & pointing out her faults to being a positive supporting her. Since that day she's really blossomed as a person & player. Now we both enjoy it more.
 

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