Dilemma - What to do? HELP!

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Jul 4, 2014
141
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Need your expertise please.

We are in a quagmire. College coach A is pushing dd for a commitment. College A is not at the top of dd's list - it's #3. DD would rather go to College B - it's her #1 dream school. College B is interested in dd, has told her that she's on their short list but it's too early for them to commit (in the past, they tend to commit in early July through end of August).

Both schools have very low acceptance rates - under 15% - only way to guarantee acceptance is through a coach's support. DD is guaranteed admittance into College A but would rather go to College B. But, Coach B has not guaranteed support. If this were your dd, what would you do? (For now, let's ignore any financial aid / scholarship impact)

How do you hold off committing while waiting for Coach B to come through? If we were to tell Coach A we need more time, Coach A might move onto the next girl and pull her support. What if Coach B does not choose to support dd, that means, dd threw away her guarantee at College A for nothing.

Talk about first world problem (roll eyes). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 
Last edited:
Feb 17, 2015
318
18
USA
Sounds like you have a conundrum. Without knowing what division or association this is, I'd ask Coach A for a deadline if one wasn't given. Then I'd be straight up with Coach B and tell them that you have offer A on the table and are considering it but were waiting on them to decide what to do with your DD. If the school/education is the end goal then this shouldn't hurt you. If Coach B hasn't made an offer they may be waiting on another player to decide. If the coach is truly interested they should give you an indication of what their plans are. If not then your DD is probably a plan B or C player. If the school is more important than ball than you might want to try and wait it out. If ball is more important than school than you have to consider the offer from Coach A.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
First of all, congratulations!! The fact that she is receiving that type of interest is a wonderful thing for her. But I realize there is a great deal of stress involved in your current situation as well. I am assuming you must be talking about a "verbal commitment". It is my understanding that you are not eligible to sign an NLI until November of your senior year. Therefore this would be a non-binding agreement for both the player and the school. Ideally we would like to think that both sides will always hold to their end of the agreement, but that is not always the case.


What is a verbal commitment?
Future student-athlete frequently asked questions

Answer:
This phrase is used to describe a college-bound student-athlete's commitment to a school before he or she signs (or is able to sign) a National Letter of Intent. A college-bound student-athlete can announce a verbal commitment at any time. While verbal commitments have become very popular for both college-bound student-athletes and coaches, this "commitment" is NOT binding on either the college-bound student-athlete or the college or university. Only the signing of the National Letter of Intent accompanied by a financial aid agreement is binding on both parties.
 
Jul 4, 2014
141
0
Sounds like you have a conundrum. Without knowing what division or association this is, I'd ask Coach A for a deadline if one wasn't given. Then I'd be straight up with Coach B and tell them that you have offer A on the table and are considering it but were waiting on them to decide what to do with your DD. If the school/education is the end goal then this shouldn't hurt you. If Coach B hasn't made an offer they may be waiting on another player to decide. If the coach is truly interested they should give you an indication of what their plans are. If not then your DD is probably a plan B or C player. If the school is more important than ball than you might want to try and wait it out. If ball is more important than school than you have to consider the offer from Coach A.

Div 3. For us and for dd, school supersedes softball any day. It's about getting her into the school that will best prepare her for the future. The difference with School A and School B is School A is located in a remote location, nearest large city is small in comparison to School B. We can see dd living in the city where school B is located after she graduates. School A, not so much. Both schools will provide a great education. School B will provide better connections after college, in my opinion. Guess the question is, how do we tell School A that we're not prepared to give a commitment at this time yet not have them pull their support in favor of the next player in line?
 
Jul 4, 2014
141
0
First of all, congratulations!! The fact that she is receiving that type of interest is a wonderful thing for her. But I realize there is a great deal of stress involved in your current situation as well. I am assuming you must be talking about a "verbal commitment". It is my understanding that you are not eligible to sign an NLI until November of your senior year. Therefore this would be a non-binding agreement for both the player and the school. Ideally we would like to think that both sides will always hold to their end of the agreement, but that is not always the case.


What is a verbal commitment?
Future student-athlete frequently asked questions

Answer:
This phrase is used to describe a college-bound student-athlete's commitment to a school before he or she signs (or is able to sign) a National Letter of Intent. A college-bound student-athlete can announce a verbal commitment at any time. While verbal commitments have become very popular for both college-bound student-athletes and coaches, this "commitment" is NOT binding on either the college-bound student-athlete or the college or university. Only the signing of the National Letter of Intent accompanied by a financial aid agreement is binding on both parties.

D3 - so no NLI involved. But we believe that if we give a verbal commitment, we should be prepared to follow through with our commitment. Otherwise, her integrity would be on the line. In short, I guess we're not prepared to commit at this time, but how do we tell the coach that we're not prepared to commit without them pulling their commitment from DD? After all, if I were Coach A, I would be thinking to myself, if this kid is not willing to commit to me, then I need to move down the line to the next player who's willing to commit. After all, I have a business I need to run here. Right?

Alternatively, I guess we could do what MJ said above. Go back to Coach B and say, hey, Coach A is pressing for a verbal commit. How serious are you about a roster spot for DD and will you support her application?
 
Feb 17, 2015
318
18
USA
D3 - so no NLI involved. But we believe that if we give a verbal commitment, we should be prepared to follow through with our commitment. Otherwise, her integrity would be on the line. In short, I guess we're not prepared to commit at this time, but how do we tell the coach that we're not prepared to commit without them pulling their commitment from DD? After all, if I were Coach A, I would be thinking to myself, if this kid is not willing to commit to me, then I need to move down the line to the next player who's willing to commit. After all, I have a business I need to run here. Right?

Alternatively, I guess we could do what MJ said above. Go back to Coach B and say, hey, Coach A is pressing for a verbal commit. How serious are you about a roster spot for DD and will you support her application?

My DD originally was committed to an NAIA out of high school then switched and went JUCO at the 11th hour (story for another day). She is now committed to a D3 program after finishing her 2 years at the JUCO. She had offers from D2 as well as D3 schools after her JUCO career. Me personally, I would definitely talk to Coach A and tell them that you are in the recruiting process with DD and want to know if there is a deadline for your decision. Be honest and let them know she has interest from other schools but is still considering Coach A's school. Hopefully they give you a deadline. The positive is it sounds like your DD is a plan A with school A. I would then approach Coach B and let them know that DD is very interested in attending their school and let them know that other schools are interested. Hopefully you get a response that gives you some insight on the level of their interest. Congratulations to your daughter and good luck.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
D3 - so no NLI involved. But we believe that if we give a verbal commitment, we should be prepared to follow through with our commitment. Otherwise, her integrity would be on the line. In short, I guess we're not prepared to commit at this time, but how do we tell the coach that we're not prepared to commit without them pulling their commitment from DD? After all, if I were Coach A, I would be thinking to myself, if this kid is not willing to commit to me, then I need to move down the line to the next player who's willing to commit. After all, I have a business I need to run here. Right?

Alternatively, I guess we could do what MJ said above. Go back to Coach B and say, hey, Coach A is pressing for a verbal commit. How serious are you about a roster spot for DD and will you support her application?

It is a tough position. My DD is also a 2018 and has her list narrowed down to 3 schools. Each has expressed various degrees of interest, but not to the extent of your daughter. She did have one VERY interested school in the fall. After visiting the school she decided that it was not a good fit for her. She really liked the coaching staff and the players that she met, but the school.... not so much. So she called the coach and explained the situation to her. The goal of the conversation was to explain that the school was not a good fit, but that she would have really liked to play for that coach. The hope being that if the coach would happen to switch schools, she could still be an option. No way of knowing if that worked or not, but that school is now off her list. In any event, I agree with the way you are going about it. Be honest. Hopefully everything will work out in the end. Best of luck to you and your DD!!
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
Once you take the money off the table she is free, do not let them pressure her or you.

She is probably not going to make a living playing SB after college.
 

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