Advice Needed to Help Calm Nerves

girliesmom · Feb 10, 2016

DD just returned from a tournament where a coach she invited to come watch her play, actually came out to watch her play. DD is a sophomore pitcher. She normally pitches well, but because she was being watched, she literally turned into a quivering mold of jello. She was sick to her stomach, had difficulty controlling her pitches - some were wild, some in the dirt, and walked one. She managed to get a few strikes, including 1 strikeout, but the innings were quite painful to watch - only because we all knew what she's capable of and she wasn't delivering it. DH and I were both nervous and we are certain that she was feeling it a thousand times more than we were. Afterwards, the college coach told our coach that he knew that she was nervous - but she fought through it and was able to get things under control. He said he saw things that he liked and that DD should keep in touch with him. This is all good but how does your DD calm her nerves when she knows that her future is hanging by her performance? One parent told us a story about his older daughter's team - where a coach came out to watch their pitcher and their pitcher couldn't even get out of the 1st inning. She ended up getting pulled after letting in 8 runs. I guess DD's experience could have been worse. I'm hoping that anxieties will diminish over time. To help the process, I was wondering what does your DD do in such situations to keep the jitters at bay? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

JAD · Feb 10, 2016

Is Valium an acceptable answer?.....

This past summer my DD's soon-to-be coaches came to watch her pitch for the first time since she had verballed to them. She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. She tried to throw every pitch 100+ MPH and walked the first three batters. Then to avoid walking in a run, she decided to "guide" a pitch to the corn fed #4 hitter who proceeded to hit it @ 270' into the parking lot. I thought DD was going to break down and cry in the circle, while I was Googling "closest liquor store" on my phone.

After the game our HC was talking to her soon-to-be college coaches and they were laughing about it and said they see it all the time. I still do not think it was very funny, but we have not gotten a "Dear John" letter from the school, so I guess all is good....for now!

Down and Out · Feb 10, 2016

The more times she does it, the easier & less intimidating it becomes. Just keep telling her coaches are watching and soon she'll forget all about it.

girliesmom · Feb 10, 2016

JAD said:
Is Valium and acceptable answer?.....

This past summer my DD's soon-to-be coaches came to watch her pitch for the first time since she had verballed to them. She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. She tried to throw every pitch 100+ MPH and walked the first three batters. Then to avoid walking in a run, she decided to "guide" a pitch to the corn fed #4 hitter who proceeded to hit it @ 270' into the parking lot. I thought DD was going to break down and cry in the circle, while I was Googling "closest liquor store" on my phone.

After the game our HC was talking to her soon-to-be college coaches and they were laughing about it and said they see it all the time. I still do not think it was very funny, but we have not gotten a "Dear John" letter from the school, so I guess all is good....for now!

We were feeling pretty awful seeing how our DD crapped out on her first outing. And unless a parent's actually been in that situation, there's just no way of knowing how one's dd would react to a similar situation. Thanks for sharing your experience. I needed to hear that.

First thing she asked when the game was over was: "Am I a write-off?" Luckily her coach jumped in and set things straight for her. While your DD was trying to pitch 100+ MPH, our DD lost all snap from her pitches. Everything that hit the catchers' glove sounded muffled - like someone wrapped bubble wrap over the ball. All I can say is, thank God, the College Coach missed the first couple of innings. DD couldn't concentrate - kept looking over her shoulder to see if the Coach had arrived which resulted in her punting a batter, then pitched a flat one to a home-run hitter which drove in 3 runners.... All in all, I think she wanted to die.

I'd like to think that this was good experience and that it'll never happen again since she has this experience under her belt.... but I think I'm just fooling myself. We'll try Valium next time. lol!

girliesmom · Feb 10, 2016

Down and Out said:
The more times she does it, the easier & less intimidating it becomes. Just keep telling her coaches are watching and soon she'll forget all about it.

Oh, that's a good trick. I like that. I will try it. Thanks!

4KidsDad · Feb 10, 2016

The folks over at Jaeger Sports really promote mental health and mental health training. Check it out:

Mental Training :: Jaeger Sports

MNDad · Feb 10, 2016

If the parents can keep a level head it helps the kid keep calm. One outing good or bad isn't going to determine their future.

Ken Krause · Feb 11, 2016

Much of this is about perspective. It may seem like her entire future is riding on this one game, but remind her it's really not. The best thing she can do is pitch her game, and if the coaches like her then she's in good shape. If they don't, it wasn't the right fit anyway. But if coaches are going out of their way to come see her odds are they already like her. So she should view it as a chance to shine rather than worry about failing. Stick to the process instead of worrying about the outcome and that should help relieve some of the pressure.

One other thing to keep in mind: there is a lot of pressure in college softball. Coaches like to see how the kids they're interested in react to pressure. Battling through it rather than giving in to it often tells the coaches a lot about a player's character and desire. Everybody has bad days. Even coaches.

chinamigarden · Feb 11, 2016

girliesmom said:
DD just returned from a tournament where a coach she invited to come watch her play, actually came out to watch her play. DD is a sophomore pitcher. She normally pitches well, but because she was being watched, she literally turned into a quivering mold of jello. She was sick to her stomach, had difficulty controlling her pitches - some were wild, some in the dirt, and walked one. She managed to get a few strikes, including 1 strikeout, but the innings were quite painful to watch - only because we all knew what she's capable of and she wasn't delivering it. DH and I were both nervous and we are certain that she was feeling it a thousand times more than we were. Afterwards, the college coach told our coach that he knew that she was nervous - but she fought through it and was able to get things under control. He said he saw things that he liked and that DD should keep in touch with him. This is all good but how does your DD calm her nerves when she knows that her future is hanging by her performance? One parent told us a story about his older daughter's team - where a coach came out to watch their pitcher and their pitcher couldn't even get out of the 1st inning. She ended up getting pulled after letting in 8 runs. I guess DD's experience could have been worse. I'm hoping that anxieties will diminish over time. To help the process, I was wondering what does your DD do in such situations to keep the jitters at bay? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Your DD's future isn't hanging in the balance here. I would immediately take that sort of thinking out of your head and try to get it out of hers.

Her ability to play college softball might be affected but there is going to be 50+ years after that, and that is her real future. Softball is a game, so is college softball. She will have a ton of "future" left over after college is done.

Tom · Feb 11, 2016

If its any consolation...I was recently at a seminar where there were several high profile college coaches on a panel. One of the interesting comments that was made was that they liked to see a player fail and see how she reacts. They said they already had a good idea of what a player is capable of physically before coming come to watch, and seeing what they are made of mentally is critical in evaluation.

Advice Needed to Help Calm Nerves

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