Playing in College- DD's disappointment

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Apr 26, 2015
6
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As I've posted information before that could be traced to my DD/school, I've created a new profile to protect her identity (just in case) but I want to share some information as I know there are a lot of people on here who's DD's want to play in college. Lots of heartbreak and anxiety in our family right now. DD is one of those people who tries to do everything the right way. She is a very good softball player but works hard for it everyday. She is not naturally "athletic" like some but instead was blessed with excellent hand/eye coordination and an unimaginable work ethic. She is a freshman this year on a top DII team. She thought this was her dream school. She thought she did everything "right." We started the recruiting process early, visited numerous schools, etc. She had a list of questions she asked every coach, she visited with professors in her area of interest at every school, we did lots of reading. She picked the school and coach that seemed to match her the best.

Now to the disappointment. DD has decided to ask the coach for a release and transfer next year. She feels completely out of place on the team. DD is not a partier. This team is comprised almost completely of young women who drink to excess any chance they get (along with a smattering of pot smoking). DD understands that there will be drinking in college, and we talked with her about the fact that some people will drink occasionally. She gets that, but this is way beyond regular college drinking- especially for athletes- in my opinion. I did my share of drinking in college, but not like this. DD says many of the girls are drinking vodka straight out of the bottle, blacking out, not remembering what happened etc. Only a few girls on the team have any interest in their school work. Most do only what they have to do to get by. DD is getting all A's and would like to have someone who even wants to go to the library to study occasionally (or go to a movie, or hang out and watch a movie- anything). And the saddest thing of all? The coach seems ignore it all. It's like a don't ask don't tell policy. He states rules but doesn't enforce them- as long as the team is winning (which they do) he doesn't seem to care what's going on- including in the academic arena. The only time he takes an interest is if someone is at risk of not being eligible. Players skip study hours, skip class, etc.

Certainly contributing to DD's wanting to transfer is that she is not getting a lot of playing time. As a freshman she gets that. However, she's looking ahead and thinking if she has to sit on the bench, she wants to at least do it for a team where she respects her fellow teammates. The one thing she really wanted out of college was to find some people who loved softball as much as her and with whom she could be good friends. These young women may love softball, but in my opinion they show very little respect for the sport or their coaches. And, all the time spent on softball leaves very little time to develop friendships outside the team- especially for an introvert.

So now we have to try find a new spot for DD. She really wants to keep playing softball and she has put in too much hard work not to pursue her dream. I'm hopeful that it will work out, but this has been a real blow to us all.

So my message to all of you helping your DD's find a place to play is this- ask questions, visit schools, talk to coaches, BUT also try to talk to people who know the program. Track down players/parents who left the team and find out why, talk to other players/parents you may know on the team etc. Find out how the team's GPA ranks with the other sports teams at the university (something we didn't do and DD found out this year the softball team ranks last among women's sports). One of the other freshmen- who is the most like DD- has already asked the coach for a release for pretty much the same reason as DD. One more week of regular season and then DD will have the hardest conversation of her young life. DD is handling things remarkably well. She has grown a lot personally dealing with these things away from home. That is a good thing, but it still breaks a parent's heart to watch your kid go through it.

There are lots of great stories out there from college athletes who made life long friends and loved every minute of being on a team. I hope we can find that for DD because she only has 3 years left to play the sport she loves.

Sorry for the long rant. Wanted to share our experience. Welcome to suggestions or glad to give pointers to anyone looking for them.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
So my message to all of you helping your DD's find a place to play is this- ask questions, visit schools, talk to coaches, BUT also try to talk to people who know the program. Track down players/parents who left the team and find out why, talk to other players/parents you may know on the team etc. Find out how the team's GPA ranks with the other sports teams at the university (something we didn't do and DD found out this year the softball team ranks last among women's sports).

Sorry to hear of your daughter's experience. It's pretty sobering.

As for your advice, how do you find out the team's GPA? Do all schools report this?
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
Sorry to hear of your daughter's experience. It's pretty sobering.

As for your advice, how do you find out the team's GPA? Do all schools report this?

Did a little searching and found, for example, one conference's all-academic team. One school had 6 members on the team. Some had 1 or 0.

I might search around and see what info is out there that might shed light onto the academic culture of softball teams.
 
Apr 26, 2015
6
0
Sorry to hear of your daughter's experience. It's pretty sobering.

As for your advice, how do you find out the team's GPA? Do all schools report this?

Not sure if every school reports this but they certainly have the stats. I think if a coach won't tell you I would be concerned. Someone in the athletics department should be able to tell you as well, particularly if it is a state school- public info. We will be focusing on this aspect more this time around. Thanks for info you reported as well.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
Not sure if every school reports this but they certainly have the stats. I think if a coach won't tell you I would be concerned. Someone in the athletics department should be able to tell you as well, particularly if it is a state school- public info. We will be focusing on this aspect more this time around. Thanks for info you reported as well.

Thanks. ...

And I don't mean for my tangent on that subject to derail the sentiment of your original post. What you're describing is a fear of mine for my 9th grader. But the kid that you're describing in your OP should be the kind of player that many other college teams will want to have. Sorry that she must look elsewhere for what she deserves.
 
Dec 7, 2011
2,368
38
Sharing allot of similarities with ya. But there are differences too. (DD's team does not win much but they sound like less the boozers)

Bottom line is that DD here is going to be trying to find a new respectable softball team/family to join also. This is after a hugely disappointing and wasted freshman athletic year. (academically it was wonderful). She needs to find a new home that will respect the good grades in tough majors AND will also acknowledge and use the special strengths she has and wont try to reinvent her into just another dime-a-dozen-plain-Jane dropball pitcher. Previous team has no idea what they did and what they have lost. The toughest part is that DD is leaving a team that so desperately needs a pitcher to get them out of the basement. So be it,....water under the bridge,... Grass will be greener. I trust it will be for you too.
 
May 7, 2008
8,506
48
Tucson
I don't know what the answer is, but if I had to find a school like you describe, I would look at a Nazarene college. (Olivet in Bourbonnais, IL) Maybe even Liberty, I am not certain of their denomination. But, to find a public school where drinking and weed is not a pass time, you might need to go to BYU.

One girl from a family that I knew, visited a college in Phoenix and found what you describe (and worse.) She told the coach, plainly why she would not be attending. The coach cleaned out the girls that weren't there for the education and she did, go on, to attend.

I read pat Summitt's book and she talked about her constant vigilance, trying to wipe out alcohol, on her team. I don't know how you can drink and play basketball.
 
Mar 26, 2013
1,934
0
I don't know what the answer is, but if I had to find a school like you describe, I would look at a Nazarene college. (Olivet in Bourbonnais, IL) Maybe even Liberty, I am not certain of their denomination. But, to find a public school where drinking and weed is not a pass time, you might need to go to BYU.
Good points, however BYU is a private school. A lot of NAIA schools have religious affiliations and some enforce stricter rules upon their students. Even so, some students survive by staying under the radar.

I agree with OP's suggestions about checking with current and former players, however it isn't foolproof. Teams evolve as players graduate/leave and new players come in, so it's really hard to say what it will be like years in advance or for your entire tenure there.
 

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