Help with lazy habits!

[Softball_mom_12]

Hello everyone! I am new here and am in dire need of guidance and opinions! My daughter is almost 11 and started playing ball at 9. She currently plays on a 10U travel team. She has been doing great. Lately I have noticed that she has become very unmotivated. She doesn’t complain about going to practice and lessons but she hasn't been giving it her all the past few months. She says she wants to improve but she doesn't put in the extra work needed to get her to where she wants to be. I have noticed that this has now become a pattern with her every day life. She wants straight A’s but isn’t putting in the time to study and get there. She wants a clear face but doesn’t put in the effort to wash her face every night. I want to use the word lazy. She has developed these “lazy” habits and it is so frustrating. It’s a very bad pattern and I need to somehow break her of this cycle but I am not sure what to do. I’ve talked with her several times about how expensive this is and if she doesn’t want to give it her all then she needs to let me know. She insists that this is something she wants. I try to push her but it does no good when she isn’t pushing herself anymore. So what do I do?

 

[Bonesaw]

does she have a phone?

 

[Softball_mom_12]

does she have a phone?

Yes, she does have a phone.

 

[Bonesaw]

Yes, she does have a phone.

Maybe hinge some of her privileges with it on her performance in important stuff(school, chores, softball etc). Or just take it away haha.

 

[MoJo]

There are a lot of factors in a young lady's life that really start to show at the tween years. This generation is facing more than any before it.

More awareness of the world around them, social pressures (middle school is survival at best), puberty, pandemic, technology, ETC. Even younger parents don't have a full grasp of this gens trip through childhood.

You get out of IT what you put into IT (Life, School, Sports). To be successful at anything you need to have structure, discipline and drive. Guidance and support from parents and community helps a bunch if not crucial for 95%.

It might take more effort by the parent/guardian/coach than the student/athlete to develop a good path. It will take more that just removing some amount of screen time and other "distractions". A well rounded approach will work best.

 

[YOCOACH]

I understand where you are coming from. My DD did the same thing once she was 14. Turns out there was a major underlying cause (not medical). Not saying this is the case with your DD but definitely worth looking into.

 

[justAdad2]

you described my DD at that age exactly. we used screen time app. good behavior and habits earned her more time. I think its just an age thing there is just way to many distractions in their lives and they never really learned time management. My DD is 15 now straight A student works on her pitching with out us really bugging her we couldn't be prouder. good luck

 

[_MIA_]

I have a 12 YO… rough age. Putting her up for adoption is always an option…

 

[HunterMO]

We went through similar with DD. Electronic distraction was part of it. Being bored on her TB team was another. And then just going through body/mental changes.

One thing that helped was we had a few different talks about investing in herself. And what goes in is what comes out. We’re also lucky to have found a great pitching coach and a hitting coach that preach the same.

DD likes to work, but she will always be a kid I have to ask to practice or make a schedule for. And how I like to practice is not the way she needs to practice. Once I figured out how she likes to put in the work it became a lot easier. Maybe take a look at how she practices and with who. Maybe she does want to work but she doesn’t find the process fun.

It took until around 12-13 for the lightbulb to really go off about priorities. She is a great kid, but still just that….a kid. No matter how mature or grown they start to seem they still need guidance and just enough leeway to make mistakes they can learn from.

 

[Towny9]

I believe it was the great Shark Tank philosopher Daymond John who said “Life is a cruel teacher. She loves to give you the test first and the lesson later”.

Sometimes we can’t prevent our kids from learning the lesson the hard way. Your daughters “lazy” routine will eventually catch up to her and prevent her from getting/earning something that she wants. It will be tough, but lucky for her she has parents to keep it in perspective and help teach the lesson. She might just have to “fail” the test first before she can learn it.