General advice for softball parents of talented players

[Strike2]

I have no problems understanding this concept (it isn't all that intellectually challenging) but just disagree with it. This isn't a situation where if they make a bad decision it will do irreparable damage to the rest of their life.

It is one thing if monetary concerns were an issue. In that case then yes the parent has to step in. Other than that if your kid wants to try out for one of these teams is told of the 50% situation and still wants to play for them then you have to let them follow their own path imo. Again I am not sure how I would feel about it but I do know that I would let my kid make their own "mistake" if I gave them my (negative) opinion of the situation and they still wanted to do it.

Fair enough. I've let my kids explore paths that I might not have chosen myself. However, they continue where success is visible or at least possible, not where they're treated as an occasional role player while I sit back, watch, and pay for some expensive lesson in "adversity". It's one thing to allow a short-term mistake, and another to enable its continuation. I've seen my share of parents allow their kid's bad decisions to spiral out of control, leading to some costly consequences.

 

[Rolling Hard]

"let them follow their own path imo. Again I am not sure how I would feel about it but I do know that I would let my kid make their own "mistake" if I gave them my (negative) opinion of the situation and they still wanted to do it. "

Not trying to pile on here Pattar, but would this^^^^^ mindset apply to her trying drugs? Seriously, parents are here to parent.

Also I agree with uncdrew never let your DD play for a abusive berating coach.

 

[erniekru]

I honestly like the dialog.. As with anything, a pro's vs con's evaluation needs to take place. Only a family can decide what is right or wrong from them. I'd like to add a couple things.

I had a long list of items to make an argument how it's not all about playing time, but I deleted it...

We are very happy for the opportunity on DD's team and org.. I would recommend that if you have that itch to try out for one of these teams, go for it. You might be surprised at how much fun it is....

 

[Jdaddy]

Your first statement really struck me, and it stands in stark contrast to some of the earlier comments. This isn't a shot at you or erniekru, so please don't take it that way. Many very good players appear to be showing up to their college teams physically and mentally worn down, and even academically unprepared. I've seen it personally. Athletic challenge is a good thing, but why should youth sports, even competitive sports, be all-consuming and have THIS kind of "adversity" that must be "handled"? In other words, why do some people believe that they and their kid must endure a purely transactional "nothing personal" relationship with their ball team?

I'd extend that question to college, where sports is supposed to supplement classroom education. Heck, even the better pro sports teams are more than that. Hard work to achieve a goal is a great lesson, but when that very expensive "true A-level ball" experience starts to suck, what are you really getting from it other than a string of bad memories?

50% playing time? If my kid was a pitcher who didn't field another position well, or a catcher in the middle of summer, I'd be alright with that. My kid is neither, and she played every inning last spring/summer on a pretty good team (but not top level). I was a bit surprised by that, but I wouldn't put up with 50% when I'm expending time, effort, and money for her to play. Although I can always get more money, it's the time that's irreplaceable.

I don't know...I guess I have a different perspective on this because playing in college isn't a priority. I refuse to, as Westwind put it, "dance with the devil". Whenever this ends, I want it to be something that is remembered well.

Well, I can’t speak for Ernie, but I assume his DD wants to play D1 maybe even P5 ball. Don’t know why else anyone would spend that kind of money and deal with this situation otherwise. If it is her dream, he is doing it the right way. It’s the basis of this whole thread. Playing on premier teams means sacrificing playing time and dealing with different challenges specific to high level travel ball.

We left a national org after 1st year 14s due to a coaching change. We decided not to tryout for this team for the following year. DDs dream was not to play D1 ball, but to play ball at the college she decided to attend in the future. There was no need for us to spend money going to Colorado and California. Luckily it worked out for her and we played for a regional team with other like minded and committed players for her last three years of travel.

 

[Rick M]

What if your kid was happy playing 50% of the time on one of the better TB in the country?

To be honest I don't really have an opinion on this at the moment since I haven't had the scenario
come up.

DD has two friends that are in this type of situation. They are on high-level, very good, and very expensive teams. They don't play much. But they're training with terrific teammates, playing in the best tournaments (when they play), and going deep into brackets every weekend.

Are their parents being negligent in letting them glide alongside some high flyers? I don't know, if the kid is having fun then I guess it's okay. I do suspect sometimes that the kids are ambivalent about the game -- my DD wouldn't be happy just going along for the ride. And their parents might just be more concerned about posting trophy pictures on Facebook, so everybody wins, I guess.

 

[_MIA_]

If your daughter wanted to play on a team in California, would you let her?

If we could afford it, and she was old enough to live on her own, yes.

If your daughter wanted to play for a coach you know is abusive and has issues, would you let her?

See my previous post where I mention irreparable damage.

 

[_MIA_]

Not trying to pile on here Pattar, but would this^^^^^ mindset apply to her trying drugs? Seriously, parents are here to parent.

Did you miss the part about irreparable damage?

Also I agree with uncdrew never let your DD play for a abusive berating coach.

Did you miss the part about irreparable damage?

 

[_MIA_]

You guys are funny..my DD is the only kid on her TB that doesn't have a cellphone because we don't let her.

 

[riseball]

You guys are funny..my DD is the only kid on her TB that doesn't have a cellphone because we don't let her.

Good god! If you are not careful she will develop the ability to look someone in the eye and enage in a meaningful conversation. Crazy parenting your have there!

 

[erniekru]

I wonder all the time what my DD wants.. I have to remind my father ALL the time that she's only an 8th grader, her life wishes are all over the place, #1 is to be a Coast Guard Aviation Survival Technician and she wants to try to go to West Point and play softball there. #2 is to be a volcanologist, HA! That is the entire spectrum of "work". My fathers lectures her all the time about getting an engineering degree (he's an engineer, I'm an engineer, yawn...). She'll have more than enough time to figure out her life.

I'm not here to crush dreams and decide for her where she plays or what she's supposed to do. She enjoys playing softball, and I really believe she thrives in the structured environment (aka getting yelled at by adults in high pressure softball), hence the proclivity to a Service Academy at the moment.

I know that DD's feeling can change on a dime and I'm perfectly fine with it. She will continue to play for this team as long as she keeps getting invited back. One year, if she doesn't make it, she'll be a better player due to all the time, effort, and good coaching she's received. Win / Win for us and her.

Sometimes the best lessons are learned outside our comfort zones