How to avoid the unnecessary drama

[Eric F]

I know some girls will exit to greener pastures.

Keep in mind that the appearance of "greener" is often directly related to the amount of fertilizer being applied. By "fertilizer", I mean "bull$#!+.".

 

[grcsftbll]

He's got years of crazy ahead of him. I keep hearing 10U and 12U are the worst. We're starting 14U this week, officially. DH quit coaching after last year though. We had both had enough. The parents can truly be awful and ruin an entire team. The jumping ship will happen every year. Possibly every season - we lost 5, I think, between fall and spring in 1st year 12U.

 

[grcsftbll]

Of course, some of the parents are awesome. But one really awful one can counteract a whole group of great ones. And usually it's not just one. There's one ring leader, who poisons the susceptible half (usually the bottom).

 

[Here for the advice]

Thank y’all for all the feedback. Everything makes total sense now!
I told my husband last night we totally won’t be taking on a group of girls who parents are in a “clique” anymore. But when you just get that feeling something is going on behind the scenes, you just know. None of the parents cheer on their girls during the games, they all stand behind the dugs outs with their arms crossed, pissed off faces talking crap. I try to not let it bother me because you can’t please everyone, but this Saturday broke the straw for me. I’m ready to get them gone and cut the losses.
The team is going to only have a few girls now, 5-6 players. But hopefully we can rebuild during the off season. We already have our indoor facility lined up for winter, so that’s our saving grace.

 

[hummingbird]

I've always told my DD that no one is going to care how many games you win in 10u , 12, or even 14. It's not all about winning. Yes it helps build confidence, but it can also give you a false sense of being good enough. Could lead to complacency, and feeling as if you've already made it.
I always stress to my DD, I don't care if you win. No, just keep getting better, and do not quit. Thats all I care about.

 

[_MIA_]

Pick your squad such that all the kids have Dads who are 1) Type A personalities 2) were college baseball players and 3) over-analyze every flaw their kids have. Then the only drama you will have to deal with is closing your ears when they tell you their kid should be moved down in the order and/or sit the bench.

 

[Cannonball]

That's what I guessed.

Some stuff I've learned in our journey (DD moved from rec to TB in 10U, and is currently playing on a high-level 16U TB team. I also spent a few years as a TB team coach.)...

- If people don't want to stay, don't try to make them. Those people will only make life more uncomfortable for everyone else.
- ESPECIALLY at younger ages, parents (and coaches) who put winning games above player development are idiots. It's not uncommon for the kids of these parents to quickly end up riding the bench on a team that wins a lot...and then end up complaining about playing time (see the pattern?)
- Moving up to a new age group in the fall is always rough for 10U and 12U. It gets made worse by teams who don't move up when they should in order to score plastic trophies. Don't judge the competitive level of your team until after Jan 1, when the older teams are finally forced to play their age. Also, the lumps your players take now will only make them better in 2020.
- If I was the HC, and parents told me that their kid would keep coming to practices, but wouldn't be playing games, I would let them know that they didn't need to come to practices any more, either. Focus on developing the players who are committed to your program.
- I've seen it at least a dozen times, from 10U to 14U...Rec ball team has a good all-star experience, and wants to stay together and play in the exiting world of "travel ball". It's going to be great! Our kids are awesome! Its a shock to find that they are regularly getting curb-stomped by teams full of players who have more experience and more skills. There are parents whose egos can't handle it, so they blame someone (usually the coach), try to suck others into their drama, and leave ugly. However, if you stay true to your team, focus on development, your team will be doing some stomping next fall as the next batch of rec teams tries to make the TB move.

EDIT: A couple more things...
- Not one future college coach will care about what tournament any kid won in 10U or 12U. Even if it was a National Championship.
- The ONLY true loyalty in TB is a parent to what they think is best for their kid. In related news...some parents are delusional.

^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^ Eric has nailed it! I would not allow these players to practice anymore. That takes the focus away from those players who will return. Have them go "seek their destiny." I would start looking for players if you want that team to continue. Otherwise, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Go seek out a team where your dd can do well on and have your husband be an AC if needed.

 

[badmonkey]

Are you sure you're signing the team up in the right tournaments? Around here there are tournaments that are geared toward first year TB teams, and rec teams making the jump. Then there are other tournaments where in 10C you will run into multiple pitchers throwing 50+ on any given weekend. As a coach, I think it's important that you enter in the appropriate tournaments/division so that your girls will be challenged, but be able to compete. No one wants to get their but kicked 15-2 every time out.

 

[bmakj]

how to avoid the drama . . . avoid TB

 

[Eric F]

how to avoid the drama . . . avoid TB

Drama isn't isolated to TB. Rec ball has drama, too.

Youth sports* of all types, and at all levels, breeds drama. The OP presents an example of the common issue - parents who think their kid should be getting more than what they are getting.


* "Sports", in this case would include pretty much any activity where there is competition of any type.. "My Suzy should have had the lead role. She's a way better actress than Sally."