Report to safesport or warn other parents..or both

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Dec 2, 2017
14
3
Just pulled my daughter off her TB team due to the HC being verbally abusive. Every drill is “ your not doing it right” or “ you should have this down by now” or “you should know this stuff already”
They have also benched girls for making errors mid inning as punishment, also will get the whole team in a huddle to discuss an issue with what one girl is doing. Instead of just coaching up that girl. It seams like purposeful shaming... before leaving I was in the process of becoming an assistant coach on the team so I just finished ace and safesport training and this fits their description of verbal and emotional abuse. While this coaching was team wide it seamed worse regarding my DD. I don’t know if I should report this? Or if I should contact any other parents to let them know why we left? Most parents don’t see it when it happens at practice, but it happens at games too so they’ve all seen some of it. Thanks for any advise and helping me vent.


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Oct 21, 2016
189
28
Sorry to hear you and your DD are in that situation. I would make sure the other parents know why you are leaving, but I wouldn't bash anybody on the way out. Others have a right to know why you are leaving, but be the better person. The world needs more of that. Then simply go find a better situation for your DD and your family. Just my 2 cents.
 
Apr 30, 2018
349
43
I would report it. Even if he/she is eventually cleared he/she will be on notice and will start a paper trail. Future complaints would establish a pattern and could sway the decision if the complaints are borderline.

Had this happen to a rec ball assistant coach. Person was cleared, but with a stern warning and was closely watched after that. He was much more subdued after that. Unfortunately I really don't think this person was changing because they realized the error of their way. If the person wasn't being watched I think they would return to their old ways based on my observations of the interactions with this person's own DD.

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Dec 5, 2012
4,143
63
Mid West
I just kicked an asst coach off my team for this behavior... Sad part was his kid was actually a good player and a sweet kid... But the turmoil her dad created by his negativity got them both removed
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
If you know the person in charge I would say something otherwise I would leave it go.

You mentioned it happens in games so the other parents should know what is going on, let them make their own choices.
 
May 7, 2015
842
93
SoCal
I think that the most important thing is to find a team that is a great fit for your DD and your family. I wouldn't report anyone, simply let some of the parents know (which will soon get to all of the parents) and leave on good terms with the coach. Softball is a small small world. This is the beauty of TB, you're free to join whatever team you'd like. Unlike REC which you are districted to a league, etc.

Going forward, teams that are competitive (or want to be competitive) will run like this, to different degrees. Softball is not a soft sport. I'm not condoning anything, it just seems the easiest and best course of action is to surround yourself with people who you want to be with. Just my .02
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
So you did not appreciate the coaching style. No problem. Show some class and quietly find your DD an environment that better suits her. It is not up to you to save the rest of the world on the way to something new. Do not be "that parent".
 
Apr 30, 2018
349
43
I guess it is just the way I was raised, but I don't understand the "keep quiet and walk away". Fresh out of college I had a boss who pounded into our heads that "if you aren't a part of the solution, then you are part of the problem". By "solution" he meant not necessarily trying to solve the problem yourself, but being pro active about bringing up problems you see that need to addressed and then helping to fix them if it was within your abilities. Didn't matter if you worked under him or not, if he saw somebody ignoring a problem or saying "not my problem" he would call them out on it.

It is easy to justify as an untrained parent walking away because your unsure of where the line in the sand is. If you have had the training, it is a different story. There is a chance you are going to burn some bridges and ruffle some feathers, but it is worth it to save kids from being ridiculed in front of their piers or other forms of metal/physical abuse.

My wife was heart broken when she gave an eight year old girl on our previous team some encouragement regarding her position play. Girl turned to my wife and said "No I am not, my parent says I suck!" That parent was one of the assistant coaches. It was brutal. No girl should have to endure that.

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