Bending team rules for special circumstances

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Jun 6, 2016
2,714
113
Chicago
I'm considering making some concessions on some of my team rules for a player this year, but I want some thoughts on if this is a bad idea, if it sets a bad precedent, etc.

This is our first year with seniors, and we only have two who are playing. One of those two has a family member who is having some health issues (she's on a transplant list and may get the call at any time). I just got an email from the player saying she doesn't know if she can play this year because she knows she'd have to end up missing a good amount of practices/games.

While I do allow for missing time because of a family emergency, death in the family, etc., that's understood to be in temporary, short-term cases. This is a previously known issue, and although she doesn't know when she'd have to miss, she knows it will be a lot of the time.

What I would like to do is, if she really does want to play, allow her to be on the roster and we get her when we get her. This would absolutely be special treatment for an unusual circumstance.

On the field, she will likely be a starter in the OF, but she's about equal in ability to a few girls. She's not much of a hitter. This whole issue isn't about me not wanting to lose a great player. We can survive without her. This is entirely about giving her a chance to be part of the team for her senior year. It's about celebrating our first senior class. I want a chance to recognize her contributions on Senior Night.

I won't pressure her to play, but if she tells me she'd like to find a way to do both, should I allow for it even if she ends up being around for half the time and I'm holding her to a different standard?
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
To me, this is a no-brainer. Let the kid stay, and she's available when she's available. If you think you might need an extra body in case she can't be there, then go find someone...you'd probably have to do that anyway if you kicked her off the team. If you already carry enough to be effective if she's not available, then press on.

Rules are important to keep order, but there are far more important things than what goes on with a softball team. Mindless adherence to "policy" in the face of a good reason to adjust is something only the very worst organizations and leaders do. The worry about the "bad precedent" is an excuse by those who don't want to lead, make tough calls, and actively communicate with those in their group. Anyone not able to understand this particular situation and how a rule bend here doesn't mean it's now anarchy should either keep their mouths shut or leave your team now. My guess is that you won't have any problem with it.
 
Sep 21, 2017
230
43
PA
Just my opinion...I do whatever I can to make sure this girl stays on the team. She's going to need softball (coaches/teammates for support) a whole lot more than you need her to be at practice. I don't mean that in a negative way, I hope you understand what I mean.
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,714
113
Chicago
I agree with both of you.

I have to talk to her to see what she wants, but if she wants to be on the team, I'm inclined to allow it for all the reasons you two mentioned.
 
Nov 18, 2015
1,585
113
I'm considering making some concessions on some of my team rules for a player this year, but I want some thoughts on if this is a bad idea, if it sets a bad precedent, etc.

While I do allow for missing time because of a family emergency, death in the family, etc., that's understood to be in temporary, short-term cases. This is a previously known issue, and although she doesn't know when she'd have to miss, she knows it will be a lot of the time.

What I would like to do is ... allow her to be on the roster and we get her when we get her. This would absolutely be special treatment for an unusual circumstance.
[...]

...should I allow for it even if she ends up being around for half the time and I'm holding her to a different standard?

JD,

Your program has only been around for a few years, IIRC. You say your team rules regarding missing time are “understood to be in temporary, short-term cases”. Maybe your program is much more highly-structured and demanding than I’ve interpreted it to be - but in all likelihood, a 2-3 yr old program probably has very little in the way of rules or expectations that would be considered “understood” from the standpoint of teenage girls.

Miss a practice unexpectedly, sit the bench - sure. But it doesn’t sound like your roster is filled with D-I / P5 prospects - the girls know there’s life beyond the foul lines, and softball is likely an activity for most of them, rather than a passion or lifestyle.

You’re the coach. It often comes down to the rule being what you say it is. Does your rule say “you can miss time only for short-term family emergencies”? “Sorry kid, if you have to drive your Mom to chemo every other Wednesday, we need your roster spot for someone who’s REALLY dedicated to being a member of this team”.

In short, give her a roster spot, and play her when you can. Softball may just be the one piece of “normality” in her life at this moment.

You’re _not_ making any concessions, you’re _not_ setting BAD precedent, it’s _not_ special treatment, and you’re _not_ holding her to a different standard. You _are_ applying an existing rule fairly, and supporting her during this time will likely impart a more meaningful message to the rest of the team than any rule (or rules) you would post in a locker room.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,714
113
Chicago
Gags,

Thanks. It helps to have others lay it out there. Gotta get that outside perspective sometimes.

The program is fairly structured in terms of attendance because I realized it had to be. The first year was a mess, but last year our attendance was excellent overall because of the rules. I learned (and everybody else knows this, I'm sure) that if you give them the structure, almost all will follow it.

Actually, I think evidence of that is that this player emailed me to say she wouldn't be able to play. She knows what we demand in terms of commitment, so her email to me shows a level of maturity and responsibility that not everybody her age has.

If she wants to play, she'll be on the team. I won't pressure her or make her feel like she has to play, but I'm going to try to talk to her Monday to encourage her to play when she can.
 
Sep 29, 2014
2,421
113
Definitely let her be on the team and play if she wants...just tell her you expect her to do her best at making everything she can and just keep your informed.

Just make sure you follow the state/district/school rules....a lot a districts will not let a kid play that day if they miss school the same day...you just don't want to put the whole team in jeopardy of forfeiting if a district/school rule is broken.
 
Apr 20, 2017
152
28
I agree with everyone else and she should be allowed to play. As long as she is making every effort to be there when possible and will keep you up to date and communicate with you when she will not be present. Many people that have not been around coaching think that every player should be treated the same and the team rules are law without exceptions. And in a perfect world that would be great. But this world is far from perfect and situations and things happen. As a senior she should get even more leeway then say a sophomore since it sounds like she has been with you since you started the program. Where many coaches get in trouble is only allowing their star player get away with bending team rules and throw the book at the weaker players. Remember a team is never a democracy, it’s a dictatorship and as the head coach it is always your call. But with that responsibility comes the expectations of looking at the overall picture when making decisions. And one more thing if it helps any if my daughter would be playing for a coach in your situation and they decided to not let the girl play then I’m not sure my daughter would be playing for that coach.
 
Oct 3, 2011
3,478
113
Right Here For Now
Here"s how I'd do it. #1 Hold a team meeting and explain the circumstances to the rest of the team. #2 keep her at all costs because she'll need the support from team members, their families and just the emotional release from being able to play a game she loves and under the pressures she used to. #3 If you hear flak towards the end of the season, which I'm sure you'll hear, tell the players and their families, 'don't let the door hit you on the way out if you don't like it. Softball could have very well saved this girl this year. Put yourselves in her shoes and shut up!' Although you might want to put it a little nicer than that.;)
 
Last edited:
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
Never forget that High School sports is still part of school so teaching is still important. Let her play and if someone complains explain it to them nicely but firmly. Learning compassion for others is way more important than some arbitrary rule.
 

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