Bending team rules for special circumstances

Thanks, everybody.

Our tryouts begin Monday, and there's no school for students tomorrow, so I'm going to try to get in touch with her over the weekend to get her to come to the tryout if she can. (The tryout is just for Varsity/JV, so nobody's getting cut. If she can't make it, I can still justify her roster spot based on past performance). Based on what I'm hearing, I should probably work a little harder to sell her on sticking with the team than I had planned. I don't want to make her feel obligated, but I will make it clear that we want her around even if it's not full-time.

I should add that the team rules do have lines about coaches' discretion all throughout, and I have given myself room to make these exceptions, so while it's possible someone might complain, they also won't be able to use my own rules against me.

Thanks again for the advice. Hopefully I have a positive update on this one soon.

YOCOACH said:

Here"s how I'd do it. #1 Hold a team meeting and explain the circumstances to the rest of the team. #2 keep her at all costs because she'll need the support from team members, their families and just the emotional release from being able to play a game she loves and under the pressures she used to. #3 If you hear flak towards the end of the season, which I'm sure you'll hear, tell the players and their families, 'don't let the door hit you on the way out if you don't like it. Softball could have very well saved this girl this year. Put yourselves in her shoes and shut up!' Although you might want to put it a little nicer than that.

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^^ THIS. And I truthfully wouldn't be as nice as how this was put. You obviously don't want to go the "my team, my rules" route because that's a bridge-burner, but you could phrase it as, "This is a personal decision I have made for the benefit of MORE than just the team itself. Sometimes things are more important than just a game/season. If/when she's available, I do plan to use her provided she is able and wanting to play, and everyone still has the same expectation of play, situation-dependent. If there are individuals, parents or players, who have a problem with this decision, we can discuss it privately." And end it right at that.

It's not making "special circumstances" - you're holding her to the same realistic team expectations WHILE recognizing there's another realistic HUMAN expectation/experience this player is going through. Sometimes you have to break your own rules if the situation warrants it - provided you hold her to the same expectations as the other players (regarding work ethic, hustle, etc.)

You have to remember you are coaching human beings not robots. Each player is different, how can you hold all players to same standards across the board. And yes you are coaching athletics, but you are also play a huge role in this young persons life. Sure you want to make them better athletes from beginning to end of season, but I truely believe the more important job of a coach is to make them stronger more competent individuals. Softball is just a game, what she (and all athletes) are going through is real life. By allowing her to be part of the team - in whatever capacity she can, is an invaluable life experience to not only her and you but every player on that team. If teammates have an argument, politely explain to them they need to be a better teammate and friend as she is going through the process. They should support her during her battle. Because who doesn't have a battle they are going through? Kids need to understand that team rules are not always "black and white" there are gray areas, and you decide where that line lays.

I think your answer is right there in your title to the thread. SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES. If the kid wants to be a part of the team, I would keep her. It is not her fault that she has a family member that is ill, and beyond her control. I am sure that others on the team will understand your reasoning.

The world already has too much compassion... said nobody ever.

Go for it! I think you'll end up making this a special season not only for this girl, but for all her teammates as well. This is what team is all about. Good luck and please provide updates to your season.

Coach,

This is a great opportunity to teach the girls on the team life lessons. The player WANTS to be on the team. She is mature enough to know there are rules for the team contacting you WELL before tryouts making you aware of the situation before the team was assembled. She's shown a ton of respect for her teammates, coaches and all the people involved with the team knowing what her availability will be in the upcoming months. It's what you do when you're an adult.

The other thing they need to know is YOU/YOURSELF/I comes first on the list of life priorities. Family is second and softball is well down the list. You keeping her on the team and working with her during a difficult time in her life in NOT special treatment. It's working with her to ease some of the stress the family situation is causing in her life. It's what compassionate and understanding people do and the girls need to see it firsthand.

Quick update: I'm going to meet with her on Monday early in the afternoon to discuss the situation. I told her to bring her stuff for tryouts. If she wants to be on the team, she'll be on the team.

Thanks to everybody's comments here, I will gently nudge her toward playing. I don't want her to feel obligated, but I also want her to know we really want her around.

That's the RIGHT thing to do. Leave it up to her... Personally, I hope she goes for it. I think, in the long run, it will benefit her as far as many life lessons go. i.e. keep plugging away no matter what life throws at you, hold onto your dreams and so many more that can be taught through these difficult circumstances. I wish you and her the best of luck in the future and hope everything turns out for the best for everyone involved.

Thanks to everybody's comments here, I will gently nudge her toward playing. I don't want her to feel obligated, but I also want her to know we really want her around.

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IF... the player is willing to let everyone know what is going on at home. Some families are very private. The best people to talk to her are her teammates. I'm sure it would go a long way if they told her they understand her situation, wish her well and they have her back.

ETA: It may a positive bonding experience for the team with everyone coming together supporting a teammate.

second pretty much everything said. one other suggestion is to also talk to her parents. This girl presumably has a lot going on (family health situation, school work, choosing colleges very likely, etc.). Let the parents know that you will welcome her as part of the team. The parents can then help her make the best decision for her.