Playing Time and Parent Problems

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Jun 1, 2015
500
43
Long post ahead - apologies for those in advance that don't like chapter books:

Back Story - 16U "rec" team (MWF games each week, no tournaments). "F" is a 12 year old on the team (one of 3) - been there since the start - was cautioned going in that she was likely to see the least playing time because of her age/abilities. Usually plays RF as a Flex because her bat is the worst on the team - 10 AB, 10 Ks this year (mostly looking). "Mostly" committed, though lacks focus (not paying attention during instruction, sitting on the field, drawing in the dirt, etc.). I'm the ONLY coach for this team (no ACs at all).

Last week, I lost 3 girls (2 injuries, 1 vacation), so I asked 2 nearby varsity players to join the team as initially guest players (1 or 2 games) to get us through the week. They agreed - did a very respectful job in their roles - and the team asked to have them come on to finish out the season. They do what I ask, no attitude, 100% respectful - bust their rear to make all the games/practices we have, even after joining the team later compared to everyone else, whereas some of my girls I've had all year dog it in practice, don't listen in games, etc.

This puts me at 13 girls (something this team has legit NEVER dealt with - usually I have 10 or 11 at the most), so I'm trying to rotate my 5 weaker players appropriately - all outfielders - my Achilles' Heel, defensively. The 2 girls that came on play LCF and RCF, so I usually have 2 outfielders (one as a Flex with a DP), so only 2 have to sit. (We adjust our rules for this league so we can have 4 outfielders at once - modified HS rules).

Last night, our team finished the last 25 minutes of a rained-out game and then scrimmaged the same team after for extra practice. "F" was in the original game lineup. I subbed her and another girl out for the 2 newer girls because we trailed by 1 run and the girls' focus was "we're close enough to win, we do what it takes to win". These 2 who subbed OUT were pulled because they played in a game Tuesday night, and the two that sat Tuesday night were IN the original lineup. They are told, "You're coming out JUST for this 25 minutes so X and Y can get in to help us, then everyone bats/fields in the scrimmage" which was true. We go on to tie the game. When the scrimmage begins, as I go to talk to everyone about the setup, etc., "F" tells me she's "leaving" (no prior notice of this), just has her bag/bat and headed out.

She walks away, and her father comes over (about 20 feet away, outside the dugout), in front of everyone, and blurts out, "SO IS SHE SITTING THE BENCH FRIDAY?" - "I don't know, why?" - "I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH MY GAS MONEY TO GO FRIDAY IF SHE'S GOING TO SIT." - "I will decide on my lineup on Friday like I generally do - I'm the coach, this is my team, and I make the decisions on who plays/who doesn't." - "THIS AIN'T YOUR TEAM." - "Excuse me?" - I SAID THIS AIN'T YOUR TEAM - THESE PARENTS CONTRIBUTE A LOT TO THIS - IT AIN'T YOUR TEAM." ...and he and "F" walk off. My girls just stared at me like deer in headlights. The scrimmage was quiet after that for the most part. I later round out the father told her when the game was done and we were picking up the dugout to "Grab your ****, we're leaving".

Now with 13 girls, I'm not sure what is appropriate to do about playing time for "F" for our game on Friday. My parents/players sign "Codes of Conduct" that specifically state that playing time can be diminished/suspended for acts by the parents deemed "detrimental to the success/stability of the team" - I don't want to go that route and never have before - this is the FIRST parent issue that's come up all year, but a.) I've never been embarrassed like that before publicly, b.) "F"'s bat would do no good toward bringing us a win (we are 2-6-1, with 4 games to go), c.) She'd be one of the top 2 or 3 of girls I'd sit just based on effort/talent.

Any other coaches have situations somewhat like this? How DID and/or how WOULD you handle it? Thanks in advance if you made it all the way here - have a cookie and relax. :)
 
Dec 8, 2015
249
18
Philadelphia, PA
Not a coach so take this however you like. Without knowing how competitive and time intensive this "rec" league was supposed to be I'll add my $.02. In my area, "rec" league is the lowest possible form of competition. It is where girls who play other sports sign up to do softball for a few months in the spring and early summer. If the girls want to get more involved with softball (play year round, get hitting/pitching lessons, etc), then they join one of the different levels of tournament teams. That's how it works in my neck of the woods. When my DD was playing "rec" league, the league had minimum playing standards for all players. To me, "rec" league is where you should be more concerned with the development of the players and to try and foster a greater love of the game than you are with the outcome of the game.

Either way, I understand the frustration of a parent when their DD has put in the work required by you all season only to be cast aside for guest players for the sake of getting a meaningless win.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
If your rec league is like the one where I live, I don't agree with sitting certain girls a lot more than others or locking them in to the same position. At least here, rec ball is pretty low level, and for fun/learning. If it's more competitive where you are that's different. We have a parent on our team who thinks his child should own a certain position. She's not the best player there but she's almost tied with another player and those 2 split time at that position (we play travel). He gets belligerent and tries to bully the coaches. Personally I think competitive teams are better off without parents who whine about playing time. On a competitive team, if you want it, you earn it. I don't agree with changing your position as a coach based on a loudmouth parent. I'd be more inclined to wave bye bye if they don't like it. I'm not a coach either, btw. But my DH is.
 
Nov 26, 2010
4,784
113
Michigan
if I had a kid on a REC team and that team recruited 2 players mid season I would be miffed. If those 2 extra girls put us at 13 players and my dd who rarely bats and doesn't play complete games is now sittting a lot more, I'd be pissed.

It sounds like this could have been handled a whole lot better in both sides.
 
Jun 1, 2015
500
43
For the record, I only call it "rec" because there's no real way of describing what this league is - it's not tournament ball at all - players pay $41 as PART of their uniforms. That's it. It's not a $400/kid (or more) league/organization - I'm a one-man-band. Everything from fundraising to schedule to insurance and beyond is handled by me because nobody else (including parents) will step up and volunteer.

I tell every player up-front that playing time is a reflection of commitment (playing/practicing hard, not just showing up), following directions, focus, and who we're playing (we are a weaker team BUT have stayed competitive for the most part). No player is getting "cast aside" or dismissed - development includes understanding one's role on a team for a given situation, otherwise they won't accept anything at the HS level - players embrace their role (whether sub, starter, etc) or they don't play period. As for "meaningless wins" - we tied the 2nd best team in our league last evening and lost by 3 to the top team the night before. To my girls, that's not "meaningless" at all for all we've been through this season.

This parent was POd because his DD was pulled for 25 minutes so another could play to help us get a win we needed (and who was going to play in the scrimmage to follow regardless), and it's THE GIRLS (including HIS DD) who told me our goal was to start getting wins. The 2 girls who came on were brought in to save us from having to forfeit 3 consecutive games (so that this parent's kid COULD have a game to play in).

Have they been there all season? No. Have they been any less committed or driven in the time they've been with me? No.
One girl is a starting pitcher I have playing RCF because I have 2 SPs. When I bring it up to her, her response is, "Sure, no problem Coach", and she's done outstanding in her role. If she wants to step up while other roster members have become complacent after being given chances to show their commitment, I don't think it's unfair to reward who has been the most focused and willing to help the team the most.
 
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Jun 1, 2015
500
43
I will say, just to repeat something I said earlier - this is the FIRST time in coaching 4 years of softball that this team has had 13 girls. I've not been prepared for a situation like this where girls have had to sit and to rotate girls around. When I've had 11, I use a DP/Flex so they ALL get time in, and the DP/Flex understands their role. For the two sitting, I have said I want to use them as courtesy runners, pinch runners, and potential substitutes IF the situation warrants it. For example, my catcher is a bigger girl and has asked for a CR if available, and I told my smallest girl to be ready for when she gets on, that she's going out and scoring - she (the catcher) just hasn't gotten on base since I've had 13.

It is NOT that I do not want all 13 to play at some point in a game whatsoever. They should all get SOME time somewhere. It is just difficult to ensure all 13 will play in each game because every game is different. Not making excuses for myself, but I want to make sure nobody believes me to be some evil tyrant coach. Haven't flung a clipboard or chair yet and don't plan to now. =P
 
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Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
Parent was wrong, you need to discuss it with them before they come back.

DD plays a sort of 16U rec and I do not even like your side of the story.

I think DD is in argument for best player on team, just stating this so you know where I am coming from.

Our rules state a player must play 3 innings in a 7 inning game. We very seldom play 7 innings so you can get away playing them 1 or 2 inning if you try.

After 17 games as far as I have been able to figure out our batting order is determined by a randomizer. DD will bat anywhere from 1st to last. Same with coaches DDs too.

All the players play IF and OF somewhat equally and play equal time.

Fits our personality.

13 players on a roster is a hassle for everyone coaches, players and parents. Seems like you kind of got yourself there.

Sounds like you are going to run out of room to stick players in the OF unless you play 4 infielders and 4 outfielders.
 
Oct 2, 2015
615
18
if I had a kid on a REC team and that team recruited 2 players mid season I would be miffed. If those 2 extra girls put us at 13 players and my dd who rarely bats and doesn't play complete games is now sittting a lot more, I'd be pissed.

It sounds like this could have been handled a whole lot better in both sides.

^^^^^^^^^^This right here^^^^^^^^^^

Time has become a more valuable commodity than money nowadays...keep the team lean, and the bench somewhat empty and everyone is happy.

If my DDs are riding the pine, because the roster is larger than we were told at the beginning of the year (or due to pick-up players)....we are walking too...( I won't make a scene...we just walk)
Put it this way, the girls you mention in your thread (as well as mine) would not have joined your team if they knew the roster was stacked a mile deep, and they would be riding the pine.
When they ( and the parents) could be doing something better with their time.

And when pick up players are involved, it's even harder for players to stomach sitting on the bench.
 
Nov 4, 2015
320
43
I have helped coach and been on many different adult teams over many years. if you had enough to play without picking up players, i would have gone that route. As a parent, it would hard for me to swallow seeing my child sit, even for an obviously more talented player, when my child has been with the team from the beginning. Dance with the ones that you chose to start with. Keeping the other girls past the 1 week of helping out is where the mistake was made unless you "wanted" to get rid of the lesser players. JMHO.
 
Jun 1, 2015
500
43
if you had enough to play without picking up players, i would have gone that route.

I have fluctuated between 9-11 all season long, from April to present day. I had 11 the week before last when 2 girls got injured with tendonitis and had doctor notes, and 1 (my SP) was gone all week. So if I didn't bring in the two that I did, we would've had 3 forfeitures (which would've likely killed our season). Having girls available IN CASE something like this happens again, I don't think, is a bad thing, and if it means rotating girls around, I'm all for it. But cutting 2 Varsity athletes who can be role models and show proper technique just for the sake of watching another girl strike out for the 11th time because she absolutely REFUSES to follow directions both in a game/practice and doesn't take it seriously when it happens? I'm not for that choice, and I'm not apologizing for those that disagree. I'm not a parent so I don't know what it's like to be in those shoes, but I would also hope parents recognize, especially for 12 year olds on a 16U-level team they have time to grow and play as they mature and gain exposure - getting them to support the team as they play/watch is important as well.
 

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