Playing Time and Parent Problems

Oh - but now there's more. The player in question who was subbed out (whose father had the outburst) has apparently been removed/pulled from my team. When her mother asked about our next game (tomorrow/on Friday), I told the mother, "I haven't figured out my lineup situation for the game" (which I don't do until about 2-3 hours before game time). She took that to assume her daughter would be sitting the bench when NOTHING was ever said about that. Now the mother's de-friended me on FB and the father has been doing his share of FB bashing about "being a coach" (of which he isn't one). Oh it's a wonderful experience to be a small town coach. No wonder I've been sick all day.

Around here, rec ball means no cut, everyone plays. Set number of girls on the team; no adding players to the roster later. Maybe that's what the parent thought. We have played rec with girls so scared of the ball that you might even think their parents are completely delusional for signing them up. So, I will just say that benching a rostered player because you don't like her attitude would not be OK in these parts anyway. The bottom line is communication. Although uncomfortable for sure, you should have taken F's parent aside (called or whatever) to discuss her attitude and lack of effort way before you benched her. If you want a travel ball model in terms of playing time being earned, maybe you need to look into coaching travel ball.

I have spoke to the girl's parents multiple times about her efforts, attitude, focus, etc, so communication has been made there. I will repeat why this player was substituted out from this game.

On Tuesday, we had a game. Players "T", "S", and "E" sat out while "A" and "F" (the girl) played.

On Wednesday, we finished a game where "T", "S", and "E" were originally playing at the start of the game, so it was only fair that "A" and "F" were substituted out to even things out (as much as possible).

It wasn't a benching for attitude or effort AT ALL - more "equality" as it were. All the travel ball organizations are in the bigger cities to the south of us - not enough commitment around here for travel ball where I am (town-wise).

gdc03120 said:

I have spoke to the girl's parents multiple times about her efforts, attitude, focus, etc, so communication has been made there. I will repeat why this player was substituted out from this game. On Tuesday, we had a game. Players "T", "S", and "E" sat out while "A" and "F" (the girl) played. On Wednesday, we finished a game where "T", "S", and "E" were playing, so it was only fair that "A" and "F" were substituted out to even things out (as much as possible). It wasn't a benching for attitude or effort AT ALL - more "equality" as it were. All the travel ball organizations are in the bigger cities to the south of us - I'm in a town of around 5,000, but not a very committed 5,000 for the most part.

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But you said the below. That's where I got that impression:

"But cutting 2 Varsity athletes who can be role models and show proper technique just for the sake of watching another girl strike out for the 11th time because she absolutely REFUSES to follow directions both in a game/practice and doesn't take it seriously when it happens?"

I'm saying that what you said here is fair game in a travel ball situation, but not in a rec situation. Sounds like your rec might not be equivalent to my rec experience, but I don't really know.

Which is valid when considering the striking out portion of things vs. her attitude, and that's what I was referring to. We practice a lot of technique and "back to basics" type of drills - for hitting, side toss, pitching machine, batting tees, live pitching, etc. She semi-focuses in practice (if her parents are there). None of which, for her, has translated into a game. Hence why most of the time, I use her as a Flex and have someone else DP for her. It's a hard decision, but it's one I'm not afraid to make.

Life's too short, cut the problems and go on. 13 to 12 mean someone gets more game time. She is 12 on a 16u team and her dad is causing a disruption. If it's OK for him to do it, another parent will too. Doesn't bother me one bit of why they were mad, they confronted you in front of your team and threw some attitude. Move on

After reading this thread and some of your other posts what jumps out to me is that you are in this much more for yourself, your ego, and sense of control, than you are for the girls. Sorry, just the impression I get from your wording and tone. My daughter wouldn't play for you. If I'm wrong I'm sorry but I don't thinks so.

Respectfully, you have the right to feel that way and do with your kid whatever you'd like. However, I wholly disagree with your assertions this is some kind of self-serving ego-trip by me. All I gain from this is the knowledge that I have done the best job I can - identify the positive drills/techniques/methods that work and adjust what doesn't work so it potentially does in future iterations.

I became a coach to improve the abilities of the athletes who make full commitments and who have a desire/wish to become better athletes, but I can't force the matter or demand they get better overnight. What I require or ask for is 100% focus, willingness to learn and grow from successes and mistakes, and have a sense of pride for their role(s) on the team, whether starter or substitute. If some parents/players don't feel I've done that for their athlete, they are welcome to seek alternative options as you described.

gdc03120 said:

I became a coach to improve the abilities of the athletes who make full commitments and who have a desire/wish to become better athletes, but I can't force the matter or demand they get better overnight. What I require or ask for is 100% focus, willingness to learn and grow from successes and mistakes, and have a sense of pride for their role(s) on the team, whether starter or substitute. If some parents/players don't feel I've done that for their athlete, they are welcome to seek alternative options as you described.

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The critics here are having a hard time squaring 'full commitment' and '100% focus' with 'rec league'. I play tennis for fun. I might listen to coaching, or attend a clinic, practice, etc., but I don't want to give it full commitment. That's not why I'm playing. Nothing wrong with that.

Nothing wrong w/ your expectations either, as long as they align with what the kids/parents are signing up for.

This is what you are demanding of them, but is this what they want from you? If it's what they want, then you go to the unhappy parent and say that the your goals and those of the other parents don't align with yours, sorry for the confusion, better to move on. But if your expectations don't align, then you'll have to update yours, or step down on principal.

The hard thing is both parties are at fault and at some point things just need to move on.

You should not have simply let your "guest players" become part of the team because they are not they are "guests"

The parent should not have had a public outburst against you the coach...if they want to do that in private fine but not in front of everyone.

So now you are at a crossroads; it does not sound like the parents are interested in reconciling, although on your part I would tell them; "I'm sorry I had to learn this lesson at your expense but for what it is worth I have definitely rethought what it means to be a guest player versus a member of the team and next year I won't let guest players take spots on the team when we have enough team players."

Anyway all you can do now is move on...I've had things like this happen with various people in various activities and you just have to, chalk it up as a learning experience put it in the rear view and press forward

P.S. You other lesson is communication. Suzie and Suzie parents need to understand that while everyone will play Suzie is not on par with her peers and is going to sub and sit more than others until she can improve.