Playing Time and Parent Problems

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Jun 8, 2016
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First off, a league age 12U player has no business playing 16U. It's not appropriate even if she was a stud and could hang with the older players which in your case she can't as she is a bench player. Sorry I can't get on board with that at all and the parents and coaches are doing this kid a disservice by allowing it.

Initially, you did what you needed to field a team when you were short players. Good on you.

However, you chose to add those p/u players to enhance your team for the remainder of the season. Unless you needed to add them to field a team you should have left them on speed dial and continued with your original 11. P/U players added out of necessity are fine but if they are added for other reasons then it's almost always a sure thing for ruining team chemistry.


IMO the dad probably shouldn't have conducted that discussion in front of others but his message is appropriate.

This ^^^. Nice post.
 
Jun 1, 2015
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First off, a league age 12U player has no business playing 16U. It's not appropriate even if she was a stud and could hang with the older players which in your case she can't as she is a bench player. Sorry I can't get on board with that at all and the parents and coaches are doing this kid a disservice by allowing it.

P/U players added out of necessity are fine but if they are added for other reasons then it's almost always a sure thing for ruining team chemistry.

a.) If I didn't have those 12U players who came on, I didn't have a team - plain and simple. There is such little interest in this community for playing that I had to pull girls from 4 communities to field a team and take who was interested. My entire team is young - of those 11 girls, 8 of them are 12-13 years old. I have a 15, 16, and 17 otherwise, and there isn't any other league around here like this except for a 16U level, so it's either they get early exposure or we don't play.

b.) No team chemistry was or has been "ruined" in terms of the girls. As I've said, it was the ORIGINAL GIRLS who asked me to keep the others on the team. They were told they were supposed to be 1 or 2-off appearances to get us through a hard week. At the end of the week, on our Sunday practice, the girls asked me (in front of them) if they were staying on the team. I explained the original premise - they said, "But they're doing really good and it can help us." I can't believe cutting them in that regard would've made team chemistry any better.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I don't believe that a 12yo, especially one with performance and focus issues, has any business on a 16U team at any level. I understand why you wanted to take her, but I place at least as much responsibility on dad for putting his kid in a bad situation.

While I ordinarily hate the idea of picking up players when there are enough available, your situation seems somewhat unusual. It looks like you tried to set the playing expectation early on for this kid, and later in the season, you found some pick-ups that helped the team. Let pick-ups go and possibly alienate some of your older and better players, or keep them and alienate your younger and less capable ones. Yes...a tough choice, but if you don't take that opportunity with the experienced players, you may not have a viable team and no one is playing.

IMO, what you described doesn't warrant the public flogging by the dad; he should have come to you later and in private. Dad not only over-reacted, he seems a bit delusional about his daughter and your team. It very much is your team; you're the one who set it up and the you're the one who keeps it going. If the 12yo player was a hard worker with a great attitude, I'd tell you that you took her, and you need to play her regardless of the outcome. Once the season starts and someone starts displaying bad attitude and poor work ethic, all bets are now off. I've experienced that problem more than once.

Perhaps you should give the dad the opportunity to form his own team and see how that goes. I've been at this in varying capacities for 11 years now, I wouldn't allow them back without a sincere and public apology to the team.
 
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Aug 29, 2011
2,581
83
NorCal
Why would you recruit girls for a rec team when you already need to sit girls? Rec is about development and playing time.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
2nd year 12u was DD's first year of playing travel ball and last year of playing rec ball. After that season ended, some of the other parents asked if we could try to put together a 14u travel team. Historically that is something our small town has never had, but I agreed to help if they were able to get enough players. We ended up getting 6 players that were legitimate league age 13 or 14 at that time. The organization considered moving up a few of the 12u players to fill out the 14u team and then move up some of the 10u players to fill out the 12u team. We discussed this as a group and I voiced my concerns. Knowing the skill level of the players potentially moving up, it was my opinion that this would not be in their best interest. 3 of the 6 older girls were already involved in travel ball at that point. My advice was to not move forward with the 14u team and suggest that the other 3 older players also consider travel ball. Looking back on things, I still believe that was the right decision.
 
Sep 29, 2014
2,421
113
More and more we learn sounds like you are in a tough spot and given more interested players and different options as far as level you would make different choices but given the situation you are in it is either do what you are doing or you end up not playing.

If you put yourself in other parents shoes tough it seems like their DD was used when you needed numbers but now that better players came along she sits the bench more. Given all the constraints sounds like you are doing what you can to hold the team together and keep playing but I think as others have said the manner in which the parent vented was not appropriate but his complaint probably had merit.

Sorry about the sympathy comment...I think many of us have been there and done that on one side of this scenario or the other and feel your pain which is why you need rule for guest players that are clearly spelled out and they usually revolve around; Only when absolutely needed to avoid forfeit and letting them know exactly what is expected of them and that they are temporary and then informing the team about why and what their role will be.
 
Jun 1, 2015
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Why would you recruit girls for a rec team when you already need to sit girls? Rec is about development and playing time.

As I said previously, I didn't have to at the start of things - started with 9-10, and had 11 to start the season officially. Last week (July 14-18), I lost my SP on a vacation and 2 girls to injury, which put me at 8. I picked up 2 girls who were "supposed" to be just guest players. When that week ended, the girls ask me to keep them on. Wasn't my choice to say no, otherwise the girls would've been POd.

Additionally, I've never a.) Had 13 girls at once on my team, and/or b.) Picked up, or had to pick up, guest players before. This was a special case because my backup pitcher was a 13 year old, and even SHE said, "I pitched modified but I'm not ready for this". A rule for next year and going forward seems absolutely reasonable. I have a LOT of notes for my team for next year already.
 
Aug 29, 2011
2,581
83
NorCal
As I said previously, I didn't have to at the start of things - started with 9-10, and had 11 to start the season officially. Last week (July 14-18), I lost my SP on a vacation and 2 girls to injury, which put me at 8. I picked up 2 girls who were "supposed" to be just guest players. When that week ended, the girls ask me to keep them on. Wasn't my choice to say no, otherwise the girls would've been POd.

Additionally, I've never a.) Had 13 girls at once on my team, and/or b.) Picked up, or had to pick up, guest players before. This was a special case because my backup pitcher was a 13 year old, and even SHE said, "I pitched modified but I'm not ready for this". A rule for next year and going forward seems absolutely reasonable. I have a LOT of notes for my team for next year already.
I missed that sorry. But I still would have made them strictly guest even if most of the girls wanted them to stay.

As you are finding out, too much drama keeping them.
 
Jun 1, 2015
500
43
And, as irony and/or karma would happen to have it - imagine what happens tonight around 6:30pm or so. I get a FB message from one of the two girls I picked up as guest players - she is resigning her position on the team. Apparently last evening a small group of girls on the team (during the scrimmage) talked to her and said they didn't think these two should be getting playing time over girls who had been there since the start (primarily the girl who left with the father situation, etc, regardless of the contributions (or lack thereof) made by everyone involved). Said girl who messaged basically described the guilt trip she had been experiencing and while she understood the players and understood my reasoning, she felt it was best to back away. This coming from the SAME TEAM who told me they wanted these two girls to stay on the roster because it gave us a better chance to win.

I am truly at a loss for words.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
This coming from the SAME TEAM who told me they wanted these two girls to stay on the roster because it gave us a better chance to win.

I almost posted on this earlier today and didn't pull the trigger, but I was going to point out the dangers of what the 'team' says it wants. Most kids aren't going to realize the full ramifications of what they're agreeing on, and others who do object aren't going to have the nerve to break rank and express their true feelings. Most all kids want to win more and add good players to the team that they like - until they realize it cost them (or their friends') their position or playing time.

Anyway, I'm sorry it has worked out the way it has. It's easy for us to criticize and second-guess outside the fence, so don't take anything personally. The fact that this all bothers you just shows you care. I respect what you're doing.
 

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