Not Happy

I had a parent email me saying their 12 year old girl's confidence is low and she is not happy on the team. Now I know there could be a bunch of reasons for this. My questions are:

1. Have any of you found excellent ways to make games and practices enjoyable? I do play music that they have requested duriing practice and warm ups. I'm thinking more the way you interact with the girls. There last coach was a young women who wasn't a great coach but was a good friend to a lot of the girls.

2. How to increase confidence in a player lacking some? This girl is our starting catcher and usually bats in the middle of our lineup. The last game she was at the bottom and wonder if this pushed her over the edge.

The confidence of most girls this age rises and falls with every play and at-bat. Music and trying to make practices fun are separate issues from instilling confidence. Confidence comes from believing that you can do the job, and that first comes from doing it in practice, and then repeating that during a game. You must "brain wash" them at practice that they WILL be successful. Practices don't have to have music or even be fun for that to happen (but it doesn't hurt).

I can tell you that I usually don't need a parent's email to figure out when there's a problem. However, you can't help a player unless you understand specifically why the confidence or happiness level is low. Check your own feedback to the kid, and if it's too harsh, reevaluate what you're doing. Parents can easily be the source of that confidence / happiness problem if they are berating the kid for mistakes, complaining that she's falling in the batting lineup, or bad-mouthing you as the coach. There can also be player conflict issues that are causing the problem.

I know of coaches who punish young players for mistakes, and I can't think of anything more detrimental. You need make sure your players understand that mistakes will happen, that it's part of the game and learning to play, and that going into an emotional hole is far more detrimental to the team than that bad throw or strike-out. You might not want to juggle the lineup too much because someone is in a slump. Reward good performance at the plate with more at-bats, but don't change the lineup just because a player is struggling. A bit of belief from the coach goes a long way.

I'm not sure what you as a coach can do to restore confidence other than giving the player opportunities and supporting her (not meaningless praise, not treating her with kid gloves, but really giving measured feedback.) If you do find the answer, let me know and I'll let DD's coaches know so they can help her battle through the same thing.

Mad4Ball said:

1. Have any of you found excellent ways to make games and practices enjoyable? I do play music that they have requested duriing practice and warm ups. I'm thinking more the way you interact with the girls. There last coach was a young women who wasn't a great coach but was a good friend to a lot of the girls.

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If DD is any judge, then you've nailed it. It's not what she's doing as much as who she's doing it with. If she's got coaches and teammates whose faces light up when they see here, she's having fun. And vice-versa.

1. Have any of you found excellent ways to make games and practices enjoyable?

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a) Keep it moving, keep it moving, keep it moving. If the coach isn't sweating at the end of practice, the coach isn't working hard enough. If you talk more than 2 minutes, you aren't moving fast enough.

b) The coach must have a good time. S/he has to have fun, or the team isn't having fun. I don't know how to tell you to do this...every coach is different.

c) Tell the truth If you tell a kid, "Great job" when it wasn't a "great job", then you are a liar. You don't have to be angry...it is just reality.

d) Create a 'buzz'. If you go buy a bee hive, you will hear a "buzz". Every bee is working and doing something important, but it is not quiet. The only time there is silence is when no one is working. That is what you want to achieve...you the players talking quietly while working.

2. How to increase confidence in a player lacking some?

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I don't know if this TB or Rec.

In TB, there are kids that are not good enough to play at the team's level. It is brutal...but, that is the way it is.

If it is rec, then the problem is you. Every player can succeed and have fun playing rec ball. The only question is whether the coach works hard and knows what to teach.

The basic plan:

1) Teach the child the skills to succeed.
2) Put the child in a position to succeed.
3) Stand back and watch.

sluggers said:

In TB, there are kids that are not good enough to play at the team's level. It is brutal...but, that is the way.

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In my neck of the woods, this is the crux of the problem. Watered down teams with half belonging on an A program and the other half being roster fillers. So these roster fillers play up and can't compete against A level pitching. So you have half a line up that is in over their heads. Brutal but it's the truth.

This is something I was told by an older coach that had very good success in both softball and baseball and this has stuck and served me well over the years. When it comes to confidence with players, a lot of girls need to feel good about themselves (self esteem) to be confident between the lines and perform well. A lot of boys build their confidence from performing well on the field and that gives their self esteem a positive boost. Like with anything else, this won't always be true with all players but I have found there is a lot of truth in this. Obviously as a coach you can't know everything going on in a player's life that may be hindering a player's confidence. But by listening and showing them you are interested in them succeeding in life can bridge that gap. Let them know you are accessible to them and use the game and practices for life building skills in conjunction with developing their game. You never know if something you do or say strikes a cord with a player. Try to use a lot of positive terminology, especially with a girl who is struggling with confidence. Try to reframe from even simple negative words. Example: If they swing at a bad pitch instead of saying something like "don't swing a that!" tell her "hey that was good being aggressive but let's hit a pitch in the zone. Know you will next time." Something like that. Hope that helps some.


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Strike said:

This is something I was told by an older coach that had very good success in both softball and baseball and this has stuck and served me well over the years. When it comes to confidence with players, a lot of girls need to feel good about themselves (self esteem) to be confident between the lines and perform well. A lot of boys build their confidence from performing well on the field and that gives their self esteem a positive boost. Like with anything else, this won't always be true with all players but I have found there is a lot of truth in this. Obviously as a coach you can't know everything going on in a player's life that may be hindering a player's confidence. But by listening and showing them you are interested in them succeeding in life can bridge that gap. Let them know you are accessible to them and use the game and practices for life building skills in conjunction with developing their game. You never know if something you do or say strikes a cord with a player. Try to use a lot of positive terminology, especially with a girl who is struggling with confidence. Try to reframe from even simple negative words. Example: If they swing at a bad pitch instead of saying something like "don't swing a that!" tell her "hey that was good being aggressive but let's hit a pitch in the zone. Know you will next time." Something like that. Hope that helps some.


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Good advice imho.

Strike said:

This is something I was told by an older coach that had very good success in both softball and baseball and this has stuck and served me well over the years. When it comes to confidence with players, a lot of girls need to feel good about themselves (self esteem) to be confident between the lines and perform well. A lot of boys build their confidence from performing well on the field and that gives their self esteem a positive boost. Like with anything else, this won't always be true with all players but I have found there is a lot of truth in this. Obviously as a coach you can't know everything going on in a player's life that may be hindering a player's confidence. But by listening and showing them you are interested in them succeeding in life can bridge that gap. Let them know you are accessible to them and use the game and practices for life building skills in conjunction with developing their game. You never know if something you do or say strikes a cord with a player. Try to use a lot of positive terminology, especially with a girl who is struggling with confidence. Try to reframe from even simple negative words. Example: If they swing at a bad pitch instead of saying something like "don't swing a that!" tell her "hey that was good being aggressive but let's hit a pitch in the zone. Know you will next time." Something like that. Hope that helps some.


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i heard a shorter version, girls have to feel good to play well, boys have to play well to feel good. I think it is generally accurate.

bmakj said:

i heard a shorter version, girls have to feel good to play well, boys have to play well to feel good. I think it is generally accurate.

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From watching my older daughter's baseball team play, on which she was the only girl, I believe feeling good is important to playing well for both sexes. I've actually heard girls have to feel good to win and boys have to win to feel good but again, my experience with youth baseball didn't really back that up.

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