What am I missing here???

Here's the situation:

This is 10U REC btw...

DD had a scrimmage practice and she sucked. What I mean by that is as catcher, she wouldn't catch and she wouldn't block and she wouldn't hustle. As infielder, she wouldn't focus and wouldn't get in softball ready position and wouldn't back up or cheer on her pitcher. Batting and base running she was an animal. I could care less about her "having a bad game". She had an I don't care attitude and it was painfully obvious to me. Granted, every girl except for 2 on our team didn't care, so she wasn't the only one. As a parent, though, my concern is the standard I set for my DD. You don't have to be awesome, but you DO have to give effort. I mentioned this behavior to HC at the 2nd inning. When it came time for the 4th inning, I (AC) moved DD out of the infield and stuck her in the outfield. HC asked me why and I told him the girl who I moved to the infield is giving effort and should be rewarded and my DD's attitude and effort sucks right now and if I could put her on the bench I would (no extra players). He gave me bug eyes and said "Alright. I guess so." She's the best all around player on the team and I don't feel it's fair or appropriate to give her infield time based on talent alone. To me, that just sends the wrong message. Work your butt off or go to the outfield so someone who WILL can get a chance. After the 1st, I reminded him when setting up the lineup that she isn't hustling right now. He kept saying "She'll come around." She clearly didn't and he seemed oblivious to the fact that not only could we see it as coaches, but the parents could see it in the stands. That creates unnecessary scrutiny imho.

My question is this: Did I overblow the situation or something? I know there just HAS to be something I'm missing, right?

I think you're correct to notice and reward effort.

However, you say that almost everybody was loafing. You were much more concerned about one. That's fine if you're a parent in the stands, but if you're an assistant coach, then IMHO you have to coach everybody, not just DD. In your case, maybe you have a pitcher and catcher (the two who were giving effort) and put 8 in the outfield.

dadofadirtlover said:

This is 10U REC btw...

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DOADL- I am spending a lot of effort and time now trying to undo my overly critical ways of the past to make sure my girls know how much I love watching them play (even on bad days) and how much I respect their talent. Be careful of the eggs you break in the name of pushing them to be the best and setting a high bar. Being tough on a kid has a lot of benefits but like anything it needs to be tempered....and as a grown man it is really hard to hear things like a 10 year old girl hears them and I am constantly shocked at how things are internalized by my girls. I recently told older DD that she was a dominant 12U pitcher but now that she moved up, she is average again and will have to work hard to get back to dominant. She heard me say that I think she is an average pitcher. I thought I was being realistic and giving her a road map on what to expect, all she heard was "dad doesn't think I am special anymore". I still think my girls are far better off for the toughness I have fed them over the years, but nothing wrong with treating them like your little princess once in a while on the field as well. Remember...it is 10u rec after all

I have two DDs who both pitch and I have struggled with probably all of the things mentioned in this thread. Like JJ, I am still working on changing MY attitude and not so much of my DDs. What I would suggest is to tread carefully, chill out, and talk gently. There are more than a few conversations that I wish I could undo. I have no regrets about going too softly on my DDs. The only regrets are being too harsh. That might be something to think about.

As a possible ray of hope, I have changed greatly over the years. My DDs don't always play well but they do love playing. From my standpoint, their softball "careers" are in their hands and if they want to be great they are going to have to make it happen and not me. And maybe that's the key, they want to enjoy playing the game more than they want to be "great". So, I accept their decisions and enjoy watching them play and, pretty much, just compliment the things that they did well and encourage them. Our relationship is better now.

Probably a little hardcore for a scrimmage practice in 10U rec. I would relax a little unless it starts becoming a regular occurrence. She probably didn't get to be the best player by loafing. A better approach might be to just have a little heart-to-heart with her about what her goals are and how every time on the field is an opportunity to improve.......maybe a day later rather than what might be perceived as embarrassment by putting her in the outfield in front of her teammates who also seem to be less than focused. I still have trouble getting consistent focus with my 14 year old until something is on the line. I imagine my daughter would be on the low end of focus at a rec league scrimmage practice. In fact that's why we don't play rec league at all.

Focus will vary by age and competitive level.

FWIW, when I coached at 10u I only had two goals. Teach the fundamentals and hope each player had fun. I did not measure my success by wins and losses. I measured it by how many players returned to the program the following year. At 10u we rotated all players through all positions. With the exception of pitcher where we rotated three girls and then occasionally worked in another if she expressed interest in trying it. The position rotation was partially designed to keep their interest level up.

CoogansBluff said:

I think you're correct to notice and reward effort.

However, you say that almost everybody was loafing. You were much more concerned about one. That's fine if you're a parent in the stands, but if you're an assistant coach, then IMHO you have to coach everybody, not just DD. In your case, maybe you have a pitcher and catcher (the two who were giving effort) and put 8 in the outfield.

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To clarify: When the majority of the other girls were challenged, they responded. When DD was challenged, she continued with the lack of effort (hence the attitude issue). That's why I wanted to move her out of the infield. HC wants her to be out there as an example for the others to follow. My thinking is what kind of example is an attitude problem? In the past, other girls had attitudes as well, but parents and HC pretty much shrug their shoulders. I don't shrug my shoulders at an attitude problem. I have no problem looking DD in the eyes and telling her either of these things:

I love you
I'm proud of you
Your attitude sucks and you need to fix it

However, sometimes the only thing that gets through to her is when she loses something she loves.

dadofadirtlover said:

Your attitude sucks

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Just be careful bud...what some of us are saying is that while you may say what you posted, sometimes our girls hear this ^^^

JJsqueeze said:

DOADL- I am spending a lot of effort and time now trying to undo my overly critical ways of the past to make sure my girls know how much I love watching them play (even on bad days) and how much I respect their talent. Be careful of the eggs you break in the name of pushing them to be the best and setting a high bar. Being tough on a kid has a lot of benefits but like anything it needs to be tempered....and as a grown man it is really hard to hear things like a 10 year old girl hears them and I am constantly shocked at how things are internalized by my girls. I recently told older DD that she was a dominant 12U pitcher but now that she moved up, she is average again and will have to work hard to get back to dominant. She heard me say that I think she is an average pitcher. I thought I was being realistic and giving her a road map on what to expect, all she heard was "dad doesn't think I am special anymore". I still think my girls are far better off for the toughness I have fed them over the years, but nothing wrong with treating them like your little princess once in a while on the field as well. Remember...it is 10u rec after all

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Man, I needed to read this. Thanks.

Bigclubswinger said:

Probably a little hardcore for a scrimmage practice in 10U rec. I would relax a little unless it starts becoming a regular occurrence.

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You know, I think you're right. In thinking about it the way you worded it here, I think I was just so shocked that she gave HC attitude when being asked to do basic things and took it as utterly disrespectful to an adult (not even thinking about the SB aspect of it). See, it wasn't the loafing that upset me. It was the lack of following instructions and the attitude that accompanied it.