My daughter is part of daddy ball!!!

Just had our first 12u tryout today for a 2004 group. I must say I was embarrassed as a coach and parent. There's a head coach, assistant coach (me), and two others that help. The core have been together for about 3 years and they are starting to turn the corner of being a good team.....at times.

Today at tryouts the head coaches daughter....lazy and won't get down on a ball....My DD...Lazy and struggled hitting....helper #1 crying/faking a stomach ache again because of errors...helper#2 lethargic. I'm embarrassed to bring in girls to tryouts and I know we lose good potential players due to this. At times we are really good...at times we are below terrible due to effort. I'm not blaming the other girls.....I just think the lazy disease is contagious with all of them.

Last year my DD was asked to play on a really good team. She would have been #11 of 11 and it would have been good for her. I kind of regret not doing it. I didn't because we had already committed to the current team as a coach and player. She was one of two pitchers so the current team would have been devastated if she left plus they only had 9 players with her. She's did pick up with the other team a few times and her effort was a lot better.

Now its time for the other teams tryout. Not sure she will make it (not if she played like today) but if she does I think she needs to play for the "new" team. She needs to get out of her comfort zone and play with better girls. I will miss coaching her and she doesn't want to leave her friends however I don't think I can take the complacency. I feel she's losing the work ethic that she started out with.

Has anyone else had this situation as a coach/parent? Do I need to strongly encourage her to move on to another team?

First of all I would like to commend you on your honesty and what seems to be genuine interest for help. When I initially read the title of the thread my first thought was the typical disgruntled parent that points to daddy ball as the creation of all things evil. I was pleasantly surprised when I read your story.

When my DD played at the younger ages, I would occasionally see a lack of hustle at practice. It rarely carried into games and never happened at tryouts because we play for an organization with multiple teams. All the coaches are typically there and she never seemed to have a problem hustling for other coaches. Just me. The other coaches and I made it a point to work with each other's daughter. We never worked with our own daughters during practice. This seemed to help, but there were still exceptions. However, one day at practice I did something that made me very unpopular at home for a couple of weeks. I warned her a couple of times about the lack of hustle, and then when it did not improve I pulled her on the side and privately told her she was being benched for the first game during the upcoming tournament. Of course DD was not happy, and the DW wasn't happy. But I think it ended up being one of the best things I could have done. I am still a coach on one of the teams she plays for (16u), but she also plays for the 18u team in our organization (different coaches). Plus she is playing as a pickup for another 18u club during her off weekends (other coaches). I really think having her play for different coaches is very beneficial to her.

Just throwing my personal experience out there as an option. You can certainly go the other route and have her switch teams completely. There is nothing wrong with that either. But I don't think forcing this to happen is a necessity. Good luck!

ga_smith said:

Last year my DD was asked to play on a really good team. She would have been #11 of 11 and it would have been good for her. I kind of regret not doing it. I didn't because we had already committed to the current team as a coach and player. She was one of two pitchers so the current team would have been devastated if she left plus they only had 9 players with her.

Click to expand...

Don't be so self important.

One team's "devastation" might just be your daughter's revelation.

And if she's part of the problem on her old team, they actually might get better if she leaves.

Do what's best for DD without being a "team jumper." I don't think that applies here, either.

Perhaps what you are getting at is your DD's "acting out" because you are the coach? Maybe she's taking advantage of the fact that you are a coach so that she doesn't hustle, etc. I had this "issue" with my youngest DD. What I did was I stopped coaching her for a while and it went away. This past year I was an AC for her team and had no problems. Maybe you need to pullback for at least a year and let her grow up?

The choice is not between "daddy ball" and "don't coach her" IMO. "Daddy ball" to me is when coach's kid gets all the playing time and plays the desirable positions even when the team has better options. Most volunteer coaches are chosen before the team. I'm not going to blame a guy for choosing his kid vs. cutting his kid and coaching the team anyway (I DO believe that all bets should be off in some situations, like all-stars or when the coach is being paid). That doesn't mean the kid should get away with murder. Plenty of coaches are realistic about their kids' abilities and play them accordingly. If your kid isn't giving 100% effort, bench her for someone who will. If you feel like you can offer the other kids on the team something they won't get from another coach, then stay, but don't do favors for your own kids until they've earned it like everyone else.

I hated daddy ball as a coach. More then once was an AC on a daddy ball team and it was terrible. I felt it diminished what my kids did and it looked like they didn't earn their spot, because the other coaches had kids who didn't earn their spot. How can you put your kid at SS when playing with basically the same kids no other coach has ever seen your dd as a SS. How can the HS coach and your dd's last TB coach both be wrong about your dd's inability to play first base? Ok maybe give it a try to see if the others were wrong, but to watch error after error and not make a change?

The other side of this is expecting too much from your DD. DD is somewhere between what I think she is and what she is.

School ball is a lot of fun because I have not been to 1 practice in 3 years and she is on her own. Hard to believe but she apperently does just fine without my help.

quincy said:

The other side of this is expecting too much from your DD. DD is somewhere between what I think she is and what she is.

School ball is a lot of fun because I have not been to 1 practice in 3 years and she is on her own. Hard to believe but she apperently does just fine without my help.

Click to expand...

My experience, too! I love it and, for some reason, hate it when my DD does so well without me.

I have 2 girls, one in softball, one in baseball. My softball player is hardcore. Her dad coaches her team (AC). We've never had a problem with it.

My other one though.... Whoo boy. I can't imagine the nightmare of him coaching her. She hates taking any direction from him.

ga_smith said:

Just had our first 12u tryout today for a 2004 group. I must say I was embarrassed as a coach and parent. There's a head coach, assistant coach (me), and two others that help. The core have been together for about 3 years and they are starting to turn the corner of being a good team.....at times.

Click to expand...

And here in lies the problem for some teams. The core = coaches DDs and friends. While I can appreciate you and the other coaches volunteering your time to coach the team, in the long run you may be hurting your DDs because they are on the team by default and cannot (will not) be cut from the team, and they know this.

This is why I think it's critical that every single player tryout for at least two teams each season (where feasible) so that the player has to work hard to earn the right to join and play for that team. They should be challenged every week with the fear that they will lose their starting spot, especially by 12U since they probably have been playing for the same coaches (dads) for many years. Time to let the kids experience new coaches and players that will push them to excel.