Tips for bringing out intensity in an athletically gifted, yet timid 13 year old...

I have been coaching this girl for many years in both basketball and fastpitch. She is a bright kid and has the genes to be a total wrecking machine on the basketball court and on the diamond. She's physically strong, bright and has average speed. Mechanically, she's pretty solid with hitting, fielding and throwing.

The problem is she's not a fighter. She very much wants to be successful and when she does something great, you can see it means the world to her...but those moments are sometimes few and far between because she does not have that competitive spirit. She doesn't play to her potential most of the time.

She doesn't swing as hard as she can, she doesn't run as fast as she can, etc.

To give you a some perspective, if you ask her to violently rip a piece of paper in half or give a solid, firm high 5, she just can't do it.

She has a personality that does not allow her to harm a fly.

Has anyone worked with a similar athlete and had success in improving intensity and overall performance? This girl for me, has been my biggest challenge over the years as a coach. She's a great kid, has great parents -- I want her to have a great year. We are now joining the 14U level so I kind of view this as a make or break year for her.

Thanks for your help.

Reminds me of one of my favorite saying:
"I cannot want it for you; you must want it for yourself."

Regarding her personality: kids have established their personality by the time they are about 4 years old. You're about 9 years too late to try and change her now...

You obviously see it as a make or break year for her, but how does she see it? Does she think softball is fun to play, and is ok with just having fun with it?
Now, from the perspective of someone who USED to ba a 13 year old girl, leave her alone!
I guarantee you that she sees/hears all kinds of stuff about how she is deficient in "this" area or "that" area of life. The last thing she needs is for someone else to come along and make her feel like she just doesn't stack up; that she needs to act different if she wants to be better. She is who she is...be okay with that! Maybe one day down the road, a lightbulb will go off inside her head. If that happens, GREAT. If not, GREAT! Be the supporting coach she needs...whether she rises to your standard or not.
It's great to be able to coach good kids!!

Thanks for your response, Stephanie. I care a lot for all the girls on the team and I try very hard to accept who she is. The team is basically a bunch of girls who have been friends for a long time with another group of 3 friends from another school. It's a great group. The girl herself recognizes her passiveness. I want her to succeed so she can keep playing select ball...she wants that too.

Mom was a college basketball player and is super-competitive....she puts a lot of pressure on the girl.

So...mom is super competitive. And she is probably a little frustrated that her daughter doesn't compete on the level she herself would be competing at...And her daughter wants to succeed, but she can't be her mom, and truth be told, probably doesn't WANT to be her mom (I mean really...what 13 year old thinks her mom is cool?)
Sounds like the 13 year old is not only passive, but passive-aggressive. ( I'm only joking just a little bit....) Wouldn't hurt a fly, but knows it just gets on the last nerve of her mom...
As a coach, you can't make the mom back off. And if the girl is as bright as you say she is, she will figure out a way to be as successful as SHE wants to be. Just let her know that when she needs help figuring it out, you will be there.

Good luck!! You have the hardest age to coach right now...

I don't think the girl is being passive to p*ss off mom...it's how she is in everything....even, like I said, when I extend my hand for a high five.

If you could see the potential this girl has in terms of physicality, you'd be posting on this board asking for help.

She has the genes to do amazing things and is a great teammate. Quite a dilemma. I've coached her since she was.....7 or 8 in basketball and softball.

Quick question: How many girls have you short-changed in order to give this girl playing time?

1) Playing sports for some is fun and a great experience. However, millions of girls lead a full, productive life without ever playing sports. Believe it or not, some people PREFER NOT TO PLAY SPORTS.

2) You can't make someone "want" to play softball or basketball. In the movie "Hoosiers", what Coach said to Jimmy was correct--It is *HER* talent and *SHE* can do with it what she wants.

3) Wasted talent is the rule, not the exception.

4) Girls learn quickly to tell people what they want to hear. (If you were her, would you tell the coach that you didn't want to play? She would get mauled by her mother at home.) Girls tell you what is in their hearts by their actions, not their words. The girls who want to play show up early to practice, carry their own equipment, and respond if you tell them once what to do. The ones who don't want to play have to be dragged everywhere by their parents.

But, I'm pretty sure none of this will soak in...so, here is what you do, (and this is really tricky):

A) You tell her*SPECIFICALLY* what you want her to do. If she doesn't do it, then you sit her on the bench. No "ifs, ands or buts". She either plays the game the way it was meant to be played, or she sits. If you don't do this, then you (not her) are disrespecting the game.

B) Stop expressing what you want with meaningless terms-- "fight,tough, competitiveness" have no meaning. On the other hand, "if there is a loose ball on the court, you have to dive for it" is a specific, direct instructions that she can follow. Or, "if a guard crosses n the lane while you are on defense, you hip check her."

Thanks, Ray. The girl likes to play -- I have no doubt about that. She's happy out there. I don't have to make her want to play nor does mom. She has fun. I'm really convinced it's her temperament because it's not just softball..."She's a lover not a fighter" is what one parent said about her recently and that's true.

I just want her to have more success -- she's not a bad player. I am just looking for ways to use the talent she has more consistently. Thanks for the tips.

Maybe reward the behaviour you want to see. Each game or tournament, have a Most Agressive Player award (can just be an acknowledgement, but IME DQ doesn't hurt). That probably won't be her, but if she's got it somewhere inside her maybe it will leech it out. Doesn't hurt to acknowledge the kid every game that was working the hardest, they might be feeling a little overlooked because they don't have a Mom or Dad that played college ball and no one goes around constantly talking about how great their potential is. Maybe if you reestablish the social order to recognizing effort over talent you might develop a peer leader for the girl that will help increase her intensity.

In general I agree with sluggers, stop focusing on the kid with talent and no drive because that's not that rare, or special. In 10 years you'll look back and have a laundry list of kids you'll say "If only they had the drive, they would have been great." If your lucky taking attention away from her, might be the one thing that does motivate her.

One aspect of good athletes is that they can focus all their abilities on the game. They don't care about anything other than playing the game. Good athletes also learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. "Rah rah" speeches are wasted on good female athletes.

If you say "play with more intensity" and she doesn't dive for a ground ball and you do NOTHING...you have taught her that what you say about "intensity" doesn't matter. If you say, "you didn't dive for the ball when it was close to you. Have a seat." Then, she *WILL* start diving for the ball.

There are 2 ways to go - leave her alone and let her get by or ask mom for a chance to "piss her off." That might be extreme, but I have done it - with the parent's permission.