proceed with caution rant ahead.

Thats the thing. I suggested coaches hitting and catching and pitching to go to. Most all my girls including my own go to these private instructors. So I know what they teach and if they go somewhere else I make it a point to find out lesson times and go atleast twice a month to watch how they are doing talk with there private instructors that way I know where they are coming from.

its not the majority of parents its just that on or two that really drive me crazy.

As a head coach, I've had more trouble with the parents who didn't talk to me about concerns than the ones who did. The worst parents are those who complain to other parents or to their children and don't know how to communicate to the coach directly. So a head coach needs to encourage that communication, IMO.

A friend was telling me this week that his daughter went to a 14U tryout and the coaches told the parents that they don't talk to parents, only the kids. If kids have a complaint, they are old enough now to bring it to the coaches. Well, I get that about the kids needing to take more responsibility, but once parents feel that they have no avenue to talk freely with the coach, they will find unhealthy ways of expressing their feelings. Coaches must set limits, but they can't just shut the door.

After many years of coaching, watching, etc., I have found the "helicopter parent" syndrome to be increasing in great strides. I am not saying that the parent has no right to discuss anything with the coach, but I have been amazed at how many parents are in the "my way is the only way for my DD to do XX" and won't even listen to a coach's ideas/thoughts. Those parents, who feel that they are ALWAYS the one to know what is right, will be the ones who won't be asked back. Unfortunately, that means the player goes with. We taught our two DDs to listen respectfully, try out what is being taught if you want, use it if it works for you, discard if it doesn't. Sometimes you might be amazed at what can be learned if you open up your mind to it! And, contrary to what may be popular belief, most girls who have been playing ball for a while have a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn't. At least ours did!

And we talk to parents...but only after the player has come first to relate concerns or ask questions. That is just a good life skill for the player to learn. Parents aren't going to always be around...at least I hope not...when that child has to approach her work supervisor for the first time and this gives them a good (and hopefully comfortable) base in doing so.

We must be running our club completely backwards....we expect our players to be open to different things and not rely on their parents to do anything but support them (and drive them to and from softball until they can themselves)...

Our most successful players contact college coaches on their own - follow up with them - ask us (their coaches) questions - ask for extra reps - stay late or come early for extra individual time - help the newer players learn how to warm up on their own before practice and how to contact college coaches themselves....

burlap1980 said:

Thats the thing. I suggested coaches hitting and catching and pitching to go to. Most all my girls including my own go to these private instructors. So I know what they teach and if they go somewhere else I make it a point to find out lesson times and go atleast twice a month to watch how they are doing talk with there private instructors that way I know where they are coming from.

its not the majority of parents its just that on or two that really drive me crazy.

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I do this as well. It is when I ask a parent if they mind me watching some lessons so I know what is being taught (in order not to mess it up) and the topic is avoided that tells me I have trouble on my hands.

O and a point...As a coach, I study from coaches who post high winning percentages over time. I also study the work and teachings of other people who have a positive impact. I do this to become better at being a coach and teaching. When I am told "I do not know what I am talking about" or in off handed ways that the parents way is the ONLY way. I give that player less of my time and eventually they leave. Why have I started doing this? Well, it does not matter what I do. That parent has decided I do not know what I am doing. And whether they are right or wrong, they will be leaving soon enough. It makes little sense to coach those you cannot teach at all for fear of what you will be told by the parent. Just like someone said, When the parent realizes he has made a mistake in this team (BTW I though it was the player's decision) I would point out the same thing happens on the coaching side. We realize we made recruitment mistakes as well. Not everyone's personalities and styles match up. That is the bottom line. As coaches and parents we have to know this and be flexible or it will never work.

Tough issue, no doubt. As a tee ball coach one of my least favorite practices was when a dad (not the primary custody parent) showed up for the first time in 6 weeks (practice fell on his night) and directed his DD on how to hit, completely ignoring what we were trying to teach her. I've also seen with another team, another daughter, a coach tell a friend's DD to get in an athletic stance when catching rather than a crouch, despite the fact that an accomplished former college coach (and current softball academy head) told her the exact opposite. I usually watch, try to take in whatever lesson I can from the current coach if I am not coaching, say next to nothing unless it is to tell my DD to give more effort and listen better. I think I do it right when I'm a parent, hope the coaches agree.

Certain things a coach should not put up with. Some things should get a free pass. If a player is paying for private lessons. Leave her alone. If she is terrible and doesn't take your advice, she gets cut for good reason.

If she is purposely ignoring signs your no longer coaching. She has to go. If you are such a bad coach like people say, you won't be able to hold a decent team together. Bad players/parents won't last. Same thing with coaches.

I'm a coach of a 14-U team. If I know one of our girls is seeing a hitting instructor, I don't mess with her mechanics unless asked to. HOWEVER, it's the player and her parent's responsibility to help her down the right path. If she struggles at the plate we'll all talk about it, but she runs the risk of sliding down the lineup. My own daughter takes hitting lessons, just to hear instruction from somebody else's mouth. I have invested hundreds of dollars in her lessons, so I can relate from the parent's perspective as well. When we're taking swings, I might remind her of certain swing keys she's getting from her private instructor, but that's about it.

southernchopper said:

As a parent I don't have to say a word. In the field my DD will listen to you all day. Try to tell her about her swing and she will say yes sir and keep doing what her hitting coach has taught her.

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This is a tricky situation. There are times when it's better to politely ignore people. And there are times when it's better to be assertive and honest and say, ''My hitting coach teaches me to do it a different way.'' I've had players tell me this before, and I appreciated it because I can coach better when everybody's cards are on the table. I admit that I've given my daughter the permission to ignore. But I explain why, and I do it in a way that assures that my daughter respects the coach. I would never say, 'Coach doesn't know what he's talking about.' But rather, 'There are different philosophies on hitting, but you've got your own hitting coach. So for hitting, we're trusting your hitting coach.' But if the 'conflicts' become frequent, then we must speak up about it.