fear of failure

I have a first year pitcher at 14u who is an athletic, coaches dream. She is already averaging 55mph, and will practice her tail off everyday if we'd let her. But on game day when we need her to pitch, she clamps up and her fear of failing is overwhelming. She'll get a horrible attitude and basically refuse to pitch. We only had two pitchers because one is out with an injury while my other starter has good movement but is lacking speed (low 40's, decent teams eat her pitching alive). I really needed her to throw but she wouldn't. So I benched her for three innings even though she's probably my best overall player. Right, wrong, or indifferent.... thoughts?

Gotta find the root cause of her fear and address it for starters.

There is likely one specific event or belief she holds that is creating the fear consistently. Find it and focus on it.

Once you address it baby steps will be needed and celebrate the small victories. The next step Ive seen in this situation is a girl quiting the game altogether if the root cause is not resolved.

So with this little bit of information I will make a stab in the dark -

If she is one of those girls that just hates the spotlight then I would try this:
1. She NEEDS a flood of positivity. Not over-the-top where it starts to reek. But genuine "girl you got what it takes" type of confidence building.
2. The benching may have compounded the focus she does not want to have on herself.
3. I would go to her individually and tell her the good positive thoughts (like "hey kid you throw on the upper crust for your age") and then get her in on low-risk innings of opportunity (games well in hand or well out of hand). These moments you can tell her in advance "hey kid your outcome right now does means anything to the team but we would love to see you get out there and throw from the heart and have fun".

If she can't make this "soft-start" happen then maybe it's just not meant to be.....

What RB said and also keep in mind it may be a slow process.

Has this player pitched in any inter-squad games ( low pressure ) ? You might also try a low keyed friendly. Does she have a problem when she boots a ball in the field or when she strikes out ? If not then it is probably the added spotlight and pressure of the pitching position. Confidence is just as important as a 58 MPH rise ball. Last thing, have you discussed this with her parents. Does she have a problem with confidence in other non-sport areas or seem to have a self esteem issue. Good luck, you could be doing this girl a huge favor for her future life if you can help her through this small part of it.

Tough situation. What do her parents say about it? I like any advice that frees her up. I would remind her that none of this matters, it is just a game, you don't care if she goes in there and walks 10 batters and hits 6 in the rump, you just want to see her prove to herself that she can overcome her fear and go for it and that you believe in her, her parents believe in her and the team believes in her. Be careful though because it is weird that someone that has taken the time to develop this tool set does not want to use it. I would not be surprised if she is facing some crippling pressure at home (could be way off base here, but it is a weird psychology for a pitcher to want to do all of the work with none of the reward).

Des she not want to pitch, and practices her tail off in other positions?

I had a girl who was a decent pitcher, stellar SS and everything else she played. She aged up and the coach that got her ruined softball for her--she quit and hasn't stepped foot on the dirt since. He tried to make her into a vocal child and leader-she was silent for me, I had other players-loud mouth catcher (my DD) and 1B take over the typical vocal role of SS. This girl was dominant across all teams and leagues for me, sad to see such talent go to waste because one coach tried to make her into something she wasn't.

I'm not saying you are doing this, but please tread lightly. If she's not comfortable with pitching start with BP, move to friendlies, if she's not up for those I think you have to accept she's not cut out for that position.

The best players don't fear the failure, they have more of a disgust for it. If you fear failure, this is not the game for you.

My suggestion is to start to move on and find another pitcher. Don't warm her up, let her play somewhere else. If she wants to pitch she'll come back to you and start pitching. If not let her play elsewhere.

Schedule some practice games or scrimmages to help get her "feet wet" in a no pressure situation. Does she wear a mask? I would encourage her to wear one!