Kinda traumatized by travel ball drama

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Mar 2, 2019
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How do you guys stomach the travel ball drama?! What do you tell yourselves and your DD to deal with the knee deep BS that seems inescapable at the competitive level? I have heard so many lies over the past 4 years of travel ball and seen so much manipulation and backstabbing from coaches, parents and now my DDs teammates I’m literally sick of it. I have two older kids, DS does HS football & wrestling, older DD played rec, all stars & HS softball, neither did travel sports - my 13-yo DD is really talented - NO WAY as a single mom I’d pay for travel ball otherwise - she and I both still love the game, are willing to suit up, show up, give 100%, compete for playing time, pay the dues, buy the equipment, and hock overpriced tamales etc., but don’t know how to combat burnout from the drama! Perspective?
 
Nov 25, 2012
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Sorry to hear that but all I can tell you is there are good and bad teams out there. My oldest has always had the luck of being on a good team for the most part. Girls are all friends and pretty tight. Very few issues between them which is #1.

#2 to me is.....and I always tell both my girls.... give them a reason to keep you on the field. you need to be that good! Never met a coach that won't play the best player somewhere. Both my girls are pitchers and they both always play and play a ton. When they don't play they play other positions (usually first because they are taller than anyone else). Height has nothing to do with anything IMO, but 1st is where the coaches put them so I am good with that.

Bottom line, and not sure you are speaking of playing time or not, is to focus on being as good as you can be, be kind, be a teamate, be a friend, and usually the rest works itself out. Of course there is mommy and daddy ball and if that is the case, find a new team IMO.

Lastly, parents lose their cool quickly, don't be that parent and not saying you are. Check the pulse, temp, whatever of your DD. That is most important. We can all lose our minds only to find out the player is completely ok and content. Just a thought.....or suggestion...

Best,

S3
 
Last edited:
Jun 12, 2015
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I think it gets better as they get older maybe. I've wandered through some tournaments for 16U and 18U girls and there are like 3 parents watching and they're barely paying attention. We're so invested when they're young. DH has been coaching a couple of years now and the drama, so far, is 99% adults and 1% kids. It's depressing.
 
Nov 27, 2012
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What is the “drama” you are talking about here. There is “drama” at every level in every sport, work and life, but for the most part we manage to ignore it and get on with life. Is this parental drama or kids drama? If it’s parental, ignore it, it’s a sacrifice you are making for your child. You will always find a couple of people in every team who causes all the drama, stay away from them as far as possible.

If it’s dugout drama, talk to your child and see what she think about it, sometimes the kids handle it themselves without parental involment. When my daughter was playing 10&12u, she will come and talk to me about incidents happened in the dugout or on the field, my first question used to be “are you not having fun, do you want me to look for different team?” She will say “no dad, I am just talking to you.” She is a junior in HS now and she still talks to me about the team dram, but now I just listen to her and after she unloads her chest it’s back to normal. When your daughter is talking to you negatively about the coach or the team, she may just want to not and not complain. As long as your daughter is having fun and developing leave her in the team.

If this is due to play time, ask yourself if this team is the right fit for your daughter’s skill level.
 

#10

Jun 24, 2011
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Since your DD has the goods, keep looking for a good fit and NEVER be afraid to bounce from a bad situation. We finally found it at 18U after five years of BS, and school is now pretty much paid for. Keep your eye on the prize!
 
Jun 8, 2016
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If it is parent drama, sit behind the left/right field fence like I do. Not because we have any atm, but if there is any I don't want to hear it. I have only had a problem with that
once when two parents went and joined me in the OF to watch. I guess I must look like the "wise old scribe" sitting out there because come to find out the only reason
they went out there to sit was to ask me what I thought about their kid's playing time. I was honest with them and then told them they could "quietly" talk to the coach
directly about it if they had questions. It seemed to work because they seem to be fine now.

If it is kid drama, as somebody else said, ask your DD if she still is having fun and go from there. My DD's 10U team has
a couple of busy body girls who like to boss everybody around and start drama. My DD has complained about it to me a few times but I think it was just to complain to somebody. You will run
into people like that in all aspects of life and you might as well learn how to deal with it while you are young.
 
Mar 4, 2018
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Is this 4 years of drama and you are still with the same team, or, 4 years of drama following you around from team to team? If this same drama keeps following you around from team to team it may be time to look in the mirror.

Honestly, your description of the drama is so vague it is almost impossible to give you any advice.
 
Jul 22, 2015
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If it's a bad situation for your dd then leave. Period. That blunt. From what I've seen, most people who ultimately leave a team stayed months too long. If she likes it and it's good for her as a player then suck it up and make it work for you. Don't be afraid to leave a bad situation and eat some extra expenses to join a new team. Try out as many teams as possible before joining and learn what questions you need to ask to be as sure as possible that it is a good fit. Don't buy into the idea that any particular organization can "get" you a scholarship better than another. That will be work you and/or someone working on your behalf will need to do, but don't count on an organization to do much at all. There are teams/situations without a high degree of drama. Of course with girls that age there is always something, but it doesn't need to be drama-filled and miserable.
 
Apr 28, 2014
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Some advice that I learned at work...

When someone asks you what you think about someone or something (ex: Don't you think coaches kid pitches too much?)
Just reply: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

If you share an opinion, no matter how innocent it will be twisted, and will become what "you" said.

Avoid comparisons, people will try to suck you into that trap. "Who you think it better, sally or sandy"
Same reply as above: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

Don't ever... hang out with the parents at night... Not even for one beer..

Don't offer to assist with coaching unless you are asked.

Don't invite kids from your team to parties. Keep business and fun completely separated.

Don't ask people to help if the team needs guest players. That will come back to bite you no matter what.

Don't talk about what schools maybe interested in your kid or what camps you plan to attend.

Don't recommend any types of fundraisers.

That's a short list but you get the point.
 

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