Kinda traumatized by travel ball drama

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WARRIORMIKE

Pro-Staff Everything
Oct 5, 2009
2,815
48
At the Jewel in San Diego
Just got to find the right team. WarriorAngela has been on numerous of teams. Right now she is on a lower level travel org. that is really chill. Parents are great, coaches are pretty decent and doesn't have dd on the team. She gets the play time, has fun, and enjoys the company of most of her team mates. Of course this is in CA. Where travel teams pop up all the time. So we have a lot of options here.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
We love the team, love spending time with the girls, love that the girls are becoming great friends, and like to socialize outside of softball.

To each their own. Personally, I think the way we have it is conducive to success. Especially at the tender age of 9. Later in life as girls have tight friendships and a bit more going on in life, I can see it being more about the softball and less about the relationships.
 
Dec 11, 2010
4,713
113
I have found the last few posts very interesting. I'm sure there is a lot of truth to what was written, but our experience has been different. From 12u to 23u, DD played for 3 travel organizations.

1) Played for the first one for one year, left for a year (long story...) and came back for 2 more. This was a wonderful organization. DD still has several friends from that team, as do DW and I. We stay in touch with a few of them. Ultimately DD left this team the 2nd time because most of the players were not interested in college softball. It was her goal and she wanted to join a team that participated in higher level events and had similar goals.
2) The 2nd organization was a huge mistake that I will save for another time. She played one year for this team. She developed two close friends from that group that she still stays in touch with. DW and I also stay in touch with those two families.
3) She has played for the 3rd organization for 3 years so far and has numerous close friends from this group. DW and I also have several close friends among the parents.

I can definitely see how this dynamic can be a challenge. And honestly, from what I have seen, our experience is probably not typical. We have been lucky, and count our blessings because of it.

We actually have been pretty lucky. Had just two bad team experiences between two daughters, and one of the bad experiences was a team that won a lot of games. It just was not much fun despite winning and the team fell apart at the end of the season after just one year. The other was a school district based team when we were just starting out, coached by a former player that just wasn’t ready to coach yet. She has grown into a good coach into the years since, but the beginning was pretty rocky.

Both dd’s are lucky to have played for at least one set of coaches that are the kind of people that make you better for the rest of your life. A situation so good that you wouldn’t consider leaving except coaches retirement or aging off the team. I wish everyone could experience and appreciate that just once.

We have made some true lifelong friends in softball that I stay in touch with weekly. A person would have to be a complete jerk for that to not happen. But like BT said above, it has to happen organically.
 
Last edited:
Aug 19, 2015
1,118
113
Atlanta, GA
DD is first year 16U and we are on a new team this year. The past two years, she's found several girls on her teams that she's "clicked" with and would be willing to sleep over or do things outside tournaments with. This year, she's friendly with everyone, but hasn't made a "bestie" bond with any. She's a catcher, and I think it's important for her to form a bond with teammates, especially pitchers. There was one pitcher who was pretty good and DD hit it off with her, but no way in hell would I allow DD to socialize with her outside softball. She's a little too "mature" if you catch my drift. As a matter of fact, she posted some ill-advised pics/videos of herself engaging in behavior that 15-year olds should not be doing and she is no longer on the team. So, I think it's OK to form "business" relationships with teammates. You don't have to be BFF's with the girls or the families as long as everyone supports the team as a whole and the girls individually as players. JMHO.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
We actually have been pretty lucky. Had just two bad team experiences between two daughters, and one of the bad experiences was a team that won a lot of games. It just was not much fun despite winning and the team fell apart at the end of the season after just one year. The other was a school district based team when we were just starting out, coached by a former player that just wasn’t ready to coach yet. She has grown into a good coach into the years since, but the beginning was pretty rocky.

Both dd’s are lucky to have played for at least one set of coaches that are the kind of people that make you better for the rest of your life. A situation so good that you wouldn’t consider leaving except coaches retirement or aging off the team. I wish everyone could experience and appreciate that just once.

We have made some true lifelong friends in softball that I stay in touch with weekly. A person would have to be a complete jerk for that to not happen. But like BT said above, it has to happen organically.

Bold above I agree with... I have never been a fan of the "forced" team bonding events. That said, our teams were typically pretty close. For some reason we had a tendency of getting horrible Saturday schedules. Something like 8 am, 11 am, and 3:30 pm. This led to being at the field complex for an extended period of time on Saturday. We would typically fire up a grill, or pack some other type of food. Someone would bring their cornhole game or KanJam. We didn't force anyone to hang out with the group, but most typically did. You spend that much time together and you are either going to develop friendships or get very sick of each other...
 
Jul 14, 2017
181
28
We actually have been pretty lucky. Had just two bad team experiences between two daughters, and one of the bad experiences was a team that won a lot of games. It just was not much fun despite winning and the team fell apart at the end of the season after just one year.

Were we on the same team? Last yr, we joined a brand new team. HC’s daughter was a pitcher and he wanted to make a name for himself. He promised an “A” level team with girls that were handpicked to further develop and play together over the next 4 years.

On paper it was a winning season- a 75% or higher win rate I believe. (although most were played at the B level). By the end of the season 6 out of 9 original players were not returning and out of 3 assistant coaches, only 1 would return. So yes, even “winning” teams have drama- sometimes even more because of the cut throat atmosphere created.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Feb 15, 2016
273
18
Some advice that I learned at work...

When someone asks you what you think about someone or something (ex: Don't you think coaches kid pitches too much?)
Just reply: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

If you share an opinion, no matter how innocent it will be twisted, and will become what "you" said.

Avoid comparisons, people will try to suck you into that trap. "Who you think it better, sally or sandy"
Same reply as above: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

Don't ever... hang out with the parents at night... Not even for one beer..

Don't offer to assist with coaching unless you are asked.

Don't invite kids from your team to parties. Keep business and fun completely separated.

Don't ask people to help if the team needs guest players. That will come back to bite you no matter what.

Don't talk about what schools maybe interested in your kid or what camps you plan to attend.

Don't recommend any types of fundraisers.

That's a short list but you get the point.


I pretty much lived my life the opposite of everything you say and completely enjoyed when my DDs were playing travel ball. You were on crappy teams.
 
Feb 3, 2016
502
43
Some advice that I learned at work...

When someone asks you what you think about someone or something (ex: Don't you think coaches kid pitches too much?)
Just reply: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

If you share an opinion, no matter how innocent it will be twisted, and will become what "you" said.

Avoid comparisons, people will try to suck you into that trap. "Who you think it better, sally or sandy"
Same reply as above: You know, I haven't really thought all that much about that. Or let me think that over and get back to you.

Don't ever... hang out with the parents at night... Not even for one beer..

Don't offer to assist with coaching unless you are asked.

Don't invite kids from your team to parties. Keep business and fun completely separated.

Don't ask people to help if the team needs guest players. That will come back to bite you no matter what.

Don't talk about what schools maybe interested in your kid or what camps you plan to attend.

Don't recommend any types of fundraisers.

That's a short list but you get the point.
Funniest post I've read on this site.

Pretty much 100% opposite here. Been fairly fortunate but it takes some work and you need to own your part.

Like most parents here I'm in Softball world for my DD but if I pay for this endeavor I'll make it fun for me and the entire family.

The wife and I have fun hanging with the other parents. The drinking parents and the nondrinkers equally.

We enjoy hearing stories about how great the other DDs are according to the parents, grandparents, cousins, siblings. :) All good stuff! Positive commentary always welcome!

I love talking about the days events to others when asked and in return love hearing them tell us what they think. Usually you know about 3 sentences in if it's total garbage and if they are troublesome parents creating setting the stage for drama. Only have had a few of these in the last 4+ years.

Of course the people creating all the drama always get run and keep running as most teams won't put up with that crap for an entire fall and summer season.

When talking about the Softball days events be honest and calling it what it is. The good, The bad and The ugly. But always try to look at the positive things.

Celebrating kids achievements on the field (HR, 200th game, walk off hits. No hitter), Give kids credit for Camps, going to new instructors. Tell them how cool the New bats, gloves are ETC. . Give them credit when performing well and openly discuss and working through the bad stuff too.

Please don't think we haven't had our share of crazy organizations, crazy parent coaches, crazy player parents and crazy players. Crazy umpires, crazy groud crews, crazy UIC's. CHECK! You're not alone.

Could write a very entertaining book at this point. All part of the journey. It can be like a job you if you approach and make it so. If you can find some enjoyment in the journey it won't ever feel like a job you hate.



Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:
Apr 28, 2014
2,316
113
I pretty much lived my life the opposite of everything you say and completely enjoyed when my DDs were playing travel ball. You were on crappy teams.

Na.. great teams. Good parents.
The OP asked about drama and I don't care how great a team and the families are there's always drama.
My list prevents drama :)
I guess were different but dont need friends.
Didn't start this journey to meet friends ;)
 

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