Just have to vent! I am done with softball!

Beeg said:

... for some reason, the coaches wouldn't pitch her except perhaps 1 inning every 3/4 games. And when she had her 1 inning, she'd strike out a batter or 2, and the rest would hit some weak ground ball or foul out. The only time someone got on base was when DD's teammate made an error, which was fine since it's 12U after all. I guess that's not good enough for them.

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We just emerged from a very similar situation. DD pitches well, but got very few opportunities (the other two pitchers were the daughters of assistant coaches). That's kind of how it goes at this level. The top-notch coaches aren't working at 12U, they're working with showcase teams and helping girls that are trying to get recruited. Changing teams can feel like the end of the world, especially if you've been with the same one through some crucial development years.

Beeg said:

Yet, they didn't even give me the courtesy to let me know to stop her pitching lessons. I am done paying for them, and I am done wasting my and DD's time with extra practicing either.

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This is exactly the wrong attitude to take. Those coaches and that team will be in the rearview mirror soon enough. Your DD needs to keep working on her game and getting better. You cannot let some 12U coach determine your daughter's softball future, especially if she enjoys the game. It's not their place to tell you to stop lessons. Don't stop unless your daughter is done with playing softball.

Beeg said:

She can pitch fast ball, changeup, drop, rise, curve, and screw. She just switched to 12" ball easily and pitches it faster than when she was with the 11".

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Really? She just made the switch to a 12" ball and she can throw a rise? She just backed up to 40 feet and can change speeds and throw breaking pitches for strikes? I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that learning to pitch is a loooong process. If your daughter is frustrated by that process, or just not interested in putting in the time, then hand her a lacrosse stick. But if you're the one getting frustrated, try to give her some space and realize that watching her grow and mature as a player will be far more rewarding than having a kid who picks up a ball and turns into Monica Abbott overnight.

And when you do switch teams, for the love of Pete, do NOT announce to your new coach that your daughter has a six-pitch repertoire. Unless you're the parent of a 12U unicorn, it makes you sound foolish.

Beeg said:

DD has been playing select since she was 7. We have to constantly deal with poorly managed teams, bad communications, dad coaches, and biased coaching. We pay for weekly pitching and batting lessons. DD's stats are very good. She can pitch fast ball, changeup, drop, rise, curve, and screw. She just switched to 12" ball easily and pitches it faster than when she was with the 11". Yet, for some reason, the coaches wouldn't pitch her except perhaps 1 inning every 3/4 games. And when she had her 1 inning, she'd strike out a batter or 2, and the rest would hit some weak ground ball or foul out. The only time someone got on base was when DD's teammate made an error, which was fine since it's 12U after all. I guess that's not good enough for them. Yet, they didn't even give me the courtesy to let me know to stop her pitching lessons. I am done paying for them, and I am done wasting my and DD's time with extra practicing either. This is the same team and coaches who pitched her as a 2nd pitcher last year and used her as a relief pitcher when the starting pitcher got in trouble. Numerous times they would put DD in when bases were fully-loaded, 0/1 out, and she'd come in and end the trouble inning quickly. That's the thanks she gets from her own coaches.

If we don't find another team to go to, which there aren't that many good ones in the area, she's switching to another sport. We are looking into lacrosse or tennis. A few parents had mentioned that many girls ended up switching to lacrosse after playing softball for a few years, and now I know why.

Just have to vent.

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I would trust your gut.

If you wake up in the morning and have that knot in your stomach because you know your daughter isn't getting her fair share in the circle, your probably correct.

If you can find another team that can use a pitcher, go for it.

Yes your daughter likes all the girls on the team, but this isn't the problem in your case.

We have all been in your situation......

You either stay or you don't.

You get to watch your daughter work with a good pitching coach and get better or you don't.

Sounds like she is still young enough and with the right coaching, could lead to some more enjoyable times.

Sometimes you have to do what is best for your daughter and your mental health!

Tough decisions for you and your daughter, but moving to another organization that can appreciate your daughters talent for this year may lead to better opportunities down the line.

Sitting on a bucket and catching, and watching her get better with the right pitching coach is priceless.

Once you get away from Daddy Ball and play for a team based on merit the games become more enjoyable but still stressful.

As stated before this is a Journey and not a sprint.

And remember we parents know nothing.

My daughter was in a similar situation, but she loved the team. Also, the coaches were very good and very fair in almost every other situation. So we had a long talk and I told her that if she wanted more pitching time then she needed to outwork the other girls or we could try another team. She said she would rather play for her team even if it meant not pitching. So I told her to work hard and make it so the coach had no choice but to play her. It wasn't easy and she almost quit this past spring, but she hung in there and kept working to get better. She was throwing 5 pitches at the time (working on a 6th) and we stopped practicing all but 3. She still throws them on occasion, but never in a game. She is now focused on her three best pitches and getting better with just those. What we have learned is she can be more effective with 3 really good pitches than 5 somewhat good pitches. This fall she has become the #1 pitcher on the team and gets more innings than any of the other girls.

The other thing I will say is that as she gets older pitchers will become more scarce. Tons of girls want to pitch from 10U-12U. After 12U many will give it up... too much work, find another sport, just want to play another position, etc... So hang in there and I am sure her time will come. Tons of 14U teams are looking for pitchers.

My dd is #1 pitcher on her team in tournaments our coach’s strategy is to pitch her as little as possible until needed. That being said other pitchers have a short leash. When playing more dominant teams she starts. We look at it as there is no way she can do tournament alone so we want all our pitching staff to get as many innings in to save #1 pitcher. Which means she ends up pitching in the exact same scenario you are complaining about. Our team has a team mentality my dd knows if she gets in trouble she has help behind her and they have her to back them up. Weaker tournament she may pitch 1 game strong tournament she may pitch 5. We have open talks with with our coach other dads know my dd is best pitcher on our team they also know we all want other pitcher to get better and pitch as much as possible. I guess what I’m saying if she is doing a good job and having fun. Why would you quit . it’s a team sport. What you’re really telling your dd is if things are not going the way you want then just quit. But I bet that’s not what you want to teach her. Is she upset about coaching strategies or just you. If she is happy then just do like every other parent at every other field sit down and let her play ball be her best fan.

quincy said:

She will not move, she is happy.

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Just write the check and drive the car...

I have a 14U DD and the above is a hard pill to swallow for parents. (me included, I choked on it)

truecrimson said:

She was throwing 5 pitches at the time (working on a 6th) and we stopped practicing all but 3. She still throws them on occasion, but never in a game. She is now focused on her three best pitches and getting better with just those. What we have learned is she can be more effective with 3 really good pitches than 5 somewhat good pitches. This fall she has become the #1 pitcher on the team and gets more innings than any of the other girls.
.

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truecrimson.....glad you refocused on less pitches. AND it's sounds like it's paying off. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a 10u/12u parent say my daughter throws 4/5/6 pitches.

I'd refer everyone to the pitching sticky threads on this forum. They are worth the read and so much information is there. Read Javasource, Boardmember, Rick Pauly, Hillhouse etc on pitching, pitches etc.

Recently at a clinic the instructors explained a drop ball and rise ball to the girls. one of the defining things about those pitches is the rotation of the ball. Most of the time when a parent says their pitcher throws a drop ball it's just a FB placed low....and a riseball...a FB placed high.

Our DD has been pitching since 8 she's 13. FB,CU and becoming effective with a drop ball and able to use it in game. She's working on her rise ball...but only at home on her own. Learning the proper spin for that pitch is her goal. Being able to throw it in a game is probably a year of work away.

"The other thing I will say is that as she gets older pitchers will become more scarce. Tons of girls want to pitch from 10U-12U. After 12U many will give it up... too much work, find another sport, just want to play another position, etc... So hang in there and I am sure her time will come. Tons of 14U teams are looking for pitchers. "

So true....if your DD wants to pitch keep working hard, even if on your own.... at 14U around here pitchers, quality ones at least, are in high demand. At this age it seems lots of girls decide they are no longer pitchers and don't want to put the time in. The three top pitchers from our 10U team...NO LONGER pitch...but the girls still play on our team. My DD is now the #1/#2 pitcher with essentially the same core group of girls.

Being the parent of a pitcher requires patience....with coaches, with instructors and with your DD's development. Pitching in softball is NOT a short term endeavor.

Rick M said:

We just emerged from a very similar situation. DD pitches well, but got very few opportunities (the other two pitchers were the daughters of assistant coaches). That's kind of how it goes at this level. The top-notch coaches aren't working at 12U, they're working with showcase teams and helping girls that are trying to get recruited. Changing teams can feel like the end of the world, especially if you've been with the same one through some crucial development years.



This is exactly the wrong attitude to take. Those coaches and that team will be in the rearview mirror soon enough. Your DD needs to keep working on her game and getting better. You cannot let some 12U coach determine your daughter's softball future, especially if she enjoys the game. It's not their place to tell you to stop lessons. Don't stop unless your daughter is done with playing softball.

Really? She just made the switch to a 12" ball and she can throw a rise? She just backed up to 40 feet and can change speeds and throw breaking pitches for strikes? I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that learning to pitch is a loooong process. If your daughter is frustrated by that process, or just not interested in putting in the time, then hand her a lacrosse stick. But if you're the one getting frustrated, try to give her some space and realize that watching her grow and mature as a player will be far more rewarding than having a kid who picks up a ball and turns into Monica Abbott overnight.

Click to expand...

And when you do switch teams, for the love of Pete, do NOT announce to your new coach that your daughter has a six-pitch repertoire. Unless you're the parent of a 12U unicorn, it makes you sound foolish.

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^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^ all of the above is great advice and wisdom.

Seek out the pitching sticky's on this forum there is some amazing advice and information there for you

A lot of us have been through these same situations. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side (as in different team/organization), and sometime it's the same thing with different people. For me, walking away and taking DD with me was never the right solution, although for others it might, but just deciding to quit the sport because of frustration with coaches seems extreme. We drive a long ways to get to practice 3 days a week, and we spent 5 hours in the car last weekend driving to our first fall tournament, but the extra drive was needed to put DD in a better situation with better coaching. There are good coaches, teams and organizations out there, you just have to find them and deal with a longer commute.

If you’re frustrated now, you’ll never be happy with anything later. You have a choice to make: do what is necessary for your DD to be successful or be selfish and run away because you got your feelings hurt. Have you asked your DD how she feels? That’s the single most important factor here.

For perspective, have you ever heard of Amanda Scarborough? All American pitcher at Texas A&M and current ESPN broadcaster and The Packaged Deal partner. She was told by her coaches growing up that she was too short, too weak, didn’t throw hard enough, didn’t have good enough command. She was the #2 or #3 on every travel ball team she ever played on. But she didn’t quit, and her mom and dad didn’t quit, either. They kept working. And she got seen coming into one of those games your described where there’s bases loaded and nobody out b/c the coach’s daughter stunk it up. And she shut it down. And she got recruited. Do you think she would have experienced the level of success she has if one of her parents had decided that they were “done with softball”?

If we used the “no good teams nearby” excuse successfully, then our DD would have been done with softball 7 years ago when she was 11. But we didn’t. We drive over 2 hours each way to practice because that’s what it takes to provide our DD with opportunity for success. And it’s paying off. Finally, in her senior year, she’s being recruited. Maybe not by her dream school, but she’ll have the opportunity to play ball in college and get part of her education paid for. It’s important for her to have those opportunities, and it’s our job as parents to do what is necessary for her to have them. Are you doing everything that is necessary for yours? It may be hard for you to hear, but the hard, bitter truth is that right now it doesn’t sound like it.


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marriard said:

"If you are thinking of changing teams to a point of posting it online it is worth changing teams to see if the crazy stays behind and it was them or if it goes with you and it was you."

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Ummm, I said I am venting. If you don't want to read it, you can skip my post.
DD also plays basketball. The team is well managed. No dad coaches. No bias opinions. Every kid plays the position she wants to play. All games are posted with plenty of advanced notice. Coach emails us all the time letting us know what's expected, and this guy coaches 18 teams! No more than 10 kids per game so everyone gets play time. No lying about playing tournaments, no lying about the number of kids on the team (try having 14-15 players per softball game that has 3 innings, and I would want to see if you enjoy that,) no lying about girls can play whatever position they want off season. This town does not have good softball team, period. DD has played plenty of other sports for us to know what good coaching looks like. Until you've been there, don't judge. If you like paying $1,000 per season and $120 per month on pitching lessons only to get 4 innings of pitching (15 pitches per inning) for the entire season, be my guest.